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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crabwalk on September 21, 2010, at 20:52:39
I know it's not a simple yes or no. I have been sick for a long time, but never have I let anyone besides doctors/therapists know exactly how bad it is - even professionals I think I paint a (relatively) rosier picture for. I want to tell people that I'm barely holding on, but I think in the long run there really isn't much they can do to help because they can't possibly understand, and that I'll just make them worry or suggest things that are merely palliative. These band-aids are ok in the short term, but my long-term future is what haunts me (i'm 27). It's hard to imagine continuing feeling the way I have for the past 6 or so years, and it's hard to imagine that, as stable as these feelings (particularly post-ssri numbness) have been, will change in response to drugs, therapy, meditation, you name it. None of my loved ones know this about me, and I feel I don't have the heart to tell them. But increasingly I feel like I can't hide it, like I'm living a contrived double life.
I imagine this is probably a theme with many of us...?
Posted by Phillipa on September 21, 2010, at 23:42:11
In reply to is it wrong to hide illness from friends/family, posted by crabwalk on September 21, 2010, at 20:52:39
Crabwalk I seriously think your family would want to know. Could you tell them and ask them to accompany you to a pdoc visit where he/she can explain more for family. They could surprise you and it would relieve a burden and it's hard to hide things. So it could help you. Phillipa
Posted by Dan_MI on September 22, 2010, at 21:04:59
In reply to is it wrong to hide illness from friends/family, posted by crabwalk on September 21, 2010, at 20:52:39
No one knows the extent of my mental illness. Not my doctor, not even you guys.
We are trained to be deceitful like this every time a metal health practitioner over reacts and recommends the crisis unit for someone who merely says the word "suicide".
We have to pretend like we don't have suicidal thoughts every hour of every day or else someone will try to commit us.
This is the state of mental health care.
Posted by atypical on September 22, 2010, at 22:22:33
In reply to is it wrong to hide illness from friends/family, posted by crabwalk on September 21, 2010, at 20:52:39
I don't believe there is anything wrong, per se, with hiding your illness from friends and family. There can be some relief in telling people who love you. They can accommodate you in whatever way they can. They can support you so you don't feel alone. But no matter which way you cut it, though, it's difficult. Family can over-worry. Friends can get a little weary. Sometimes you don't want to talk about how you're feeling all the time. I've found some solace in group therapy -- sharing similar experiences with other people. If I could advise you of one thing, though, if you feel like you're keeping things bottled in tight, perhaps it could help to let a little bit of that stuff out.
Posted by crabwalk on September 22, 2010, at 23:32:37
In reply to Re: is it wrong to hide illness from friends/family, posted by Dan_MI on September 22, 2010, at 21:04:59
Dan, sorry to hear this. I do see where you're coming from though. Sometimes it seems like the objective of mental health practitioners is solely to keep patients alive. While this is obviously necessary, it does seem like they might ignore your other very real concerns while they focus on this goal. Like, in my case, they push for more exotic medication while seemingly ignoring my claims that it was medication that played a huge role in making things worse for me in the first place. So yes, the state of mental health is limited by necessity and tools available. When I hide my life from friends and family, part of it is because I know they will push for me to get help from this very system, i.e. the system which hasn't seemed to help much and which I think actually made things worse.
But maybe we can both use atypical's advice. If ever there were a forum for sharing the true nature of your state, this is probably it...
Posted by Maxime on September 25, 2010, at 6:19:21
In reply to Re: is it wrong to hide illness from friends/family » Dan_MI, posted by crabwalk on September 22, 2010, at 23:32:37
I don't think it is wrong. But I think it would be better if you told them. You could tell them in a matter of fact way and tell them not to worry that you are receiving care.Also, if something does happen to you (hospitalisation), they won't be shocked and pissed off that you didn't tell them. That is how I treat my eating disorder.
Good luck in whatever you decide.
Posted by floatingbridge on September 29, 2010, at 11:55:00
In reply to is it wrong to hide illness from friends/family, posted by crabwalk on September 21, 2010, at 20:52:39
Hi Crabwalk,
As others have said, it isn't wrong. We with mental illness issues do well to steer away from right/wrong thinking, though. MI and any other illness, say cancer or lupus come with the baggage of many ill-concieved judgments. I'm always trying to lighten my (ridiculously heavy) load.
(Off soapbox.)
If you trust your doc, your therapist, anyone in your family, level with them. (That's advice.) Living a double life 'costs you' as my own shrink reminds me. I never tell docs how bad I am, ie my pain or distress level. One result is I do not get the care I need. Another, for me, is fatigue.
However, some people truly can't handle it. And if a doc's response is to fill you with meds instead of observing and attending to you (and making good med choices), then don't make yourself vulnerable.
I find that the people most comfortable and open about their issues are not adding to their distress load. That's something I'm striving for.
Good Luck!
This is the end of the thread.
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