![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 8, 2008, at 22:56:30
Sorry, but there are several things in this I want to comment on:
>> Dextroamphetamine increases my mathematical skills,
No, your math skills were there, and are as good or bad off meds as on -- perhaps you are better able to concentrate on math, but the drug can't magically increase your skills. Your math skills are as good or as bad as they are, because YOU WORKED TO LEARN THEM. I think it's important to take credit for what we've accomplished, rather than giving credit away. I got very good grades in algebra, for instance -- yes, I had good teachers, but you know what? I got very good grades because I worked very hard to get them. (And, of course, because I happened to love algebra. Too bad I didn't love calculus, huh?)
>>because i've concluded low doses stimulate only to a certain extent of the brain, D2, not D3.
What are you basing this conclusion on?
Speaking of Ritalin, you wrote:
>>it suppressed emotions and just caused focus, it didnt really have the stimulation amphetamine does.I've said before, and I will say again here -- in setting my doses for stimulants, the main criteria is that I -- and others around me -- are aware of the benefit, but I do *not* feel stimulation. If I am feeling stimulation, I know that my dose is too high.
>>constant admistration of Amphetamine can cause dopamine and serotonin degrugulation.
I am assuming you mean "dysregulation," and that's correct. In fact, that's one of the warnings my doctor has given me -- he's concerned that at some point, if my catecholamines become too depleted from the stimulants and other meds I'm on, I might get his with the mother of all depressive episodes. It's a valid concern, although any medication requires a pretty complex risk/benefit analysis.
And finally:>>I believe i have more d2 receptors, because any dose, even 40mg staight itself, causes "mind stimualtion" but not "get up and do stuff" i can lay in bed and think about things of life, i've fallen asleep on amphetamine many times before.
I'm not sure how one would come to this conclusion. The "get up and do stuff" is behavioral, not biochemical. If you're lying in bed, thinking about "things of life," then you've chosen a behavior.
Just for the record, I only respond to your posts because I am concerned about you. I have seen a lot of change in you over the years -- much of it for the better. (In fact, I was thinking of you this evening in my car -- the CD I was playing has a song on it called "I'm Your No. 1 Fan." I looked for it on YouTube for you. No joy.) I worry that you think I'm criticizing you, rather than expressing well-meant, even affectionate, concern for you.
I can't remember -- have you ever seen a psychologist?
________________________________________________
Alright well, hello folks, this is rj, i want to say. Yes i have had other screennames, i'll list them your#1fan (i got from the movie MISERY, hinting i wanted to be liked, and i lived with some very similar to that movie who said "Paul, I'm your #1 fan" does this scene remind you of someone?
Disclaimer: these past memories, caused trama, (not the danm movie, just living with my mother my whole life!) And i'm making a statement to you Racer, do you not rerember all my "trama" posts? well, i got over it, but developed a some personality aspect's because NO ONE understood what happened. I've already expienced this emotionally, and it was horrid. This is moral obligation if this clip is over the top, but its what abuse i went through
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5OlolbLXvwThat's the "irony" of the screenname, it had 2 meanings, i wanted to be loved, i cant be loved, i was abused during the times that everyone ignored my posts.
First of all about medication, i'm going to defend myself harsh, i dont care if 20 people make attacks, i'm ready.
Dextroamphetamine seems to be not liked on this site, and patitucally by alot of people. Do you know why? because even if i took Secobarbital, i would be critized. It's in that class of "abuse" expet, you abuse Seconal, your heart will rest in peace.
Now, to address the mathematical skills, what your telling me Racer, is that "you can do it, without it", I can function....but my work is so declines because of frequent mistakes, that i miss over and over. Dextroamphetamine increases repeative behavior, which in turn, if you do math over and over....you correct the errors. It also makes you not notice that you do tedious tasks, such as doing 200-500 mailers in 4 hours. Getting distracted, ofbalance, breaking things, losing time, do you know what trama everyday life is? and dont anyone say "PITY ON YOU" because that represents who you are, and what your logical opinion is. Enough.can ask you something? Could you do it with out your Concerta? think about it, and..
Your Wellbutrin, let's say.....you where just pulled off it? and told "You can deal with life, you just got to work on it". Get the picture?
So, i'm not angry, i'm irriated that people dont understand some aspects of me, and accuse me of everything, that's why i stay the hell away from family. There idiots who care, exept my brother.
Now....
do you rerember this posting i posted? the wicked confused person i was dealing with at the time, and people just made jokes about it? well, Hello AMERICA? i have 2 other people inside my danm head. And believe me, it's because i split because of trama, with harrassment, rages, horrifying memories, blamegames, no, i dont put up with any of that bullcrap anymore. Having more than one brain, is better.
Let's go back....and look....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjRaU8hRVJswhat would you say....to a person who had endure this, and no one heard their cries?
Now, the intentions of this post, is, do not look down on me. I've had so much pain, that when someone cries all they can, your spirit cares for you, and your mind cares for you, and in turn it created a "support" system which, if i was going to have a breakdown, i switch.
I hope this is put down and understood. But, i do not want to argue at all. I just have had it....i've blown up so hard, my voice can be heard 4 houses down the street yelling at an idiot who says "why are yelling, your hurting my ears?"
Now with this evidence put in this post, if you do not understand it, read it over.
This was not intended to hurt, or offend anyone, but it was a strong statement "stop" putting me down.
Thank you.....
rj
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 8, 2008, at 23:07:12
In reply to Game Time, rj v.s Racer....let the games begin!, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 8, 2008, at 22:56:30
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgajwqyUuhw&feature=related
People suffer all over the world, what do they expect after an insult?
solve the awnser.
Posted by Phillipa on November 8, 2008, at 23:13:30
In reply to Re: and let's talk about math., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 8, 2008, at 23:07:12
Hi RJ yes you've been through a lot and know it. Venting can be a good thing. Love second Mom Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 8, 2008, at 23:25:36
In reply to Game Time, rj v.s Racer....let the games begin!, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 8, 2008, at 22:56:30
Racer, i reread your post, i have some cognitive problems, but i did not read it to what you where really meaning.
So, dont take offence, that was my error, but do you see that this is how i'm going to develop with people in life who put me down? you didnt, i first assumed that, and immidatly, there a trigger that goes off to defend. So, this is just an example of my personality now to the world. If they dont understand what happened to me....i'll sit them down, and if they say "yea" and go and talk about me in the other room....that is one "person" that belongs to network of people, that believe in the same thing. There's no since in trying to convince 1 person out of a group that he/she hangs around because, they all share the same belief. I noticed these things
Racer, i'm terribly sorry, i miss interpreted it, which causes self-anger. so disreguard what i put, but to others, here who do think low, this is a message to you.
Rj
Posted by Racer on November 8, 2008, at 23:33:14
In reply to Game Time, rj v.s Racer....let the games begin!, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 8, 2008, at 22:56:30
Please read to the bottom before you respond.
> Disclaimer: these past memories, caused trama, (not the danm movie, just living with my mother my whole life!) And i'm making a statement to you Racer, do you not rerember all my "trama" posts?Yes, and I remember that, when I tried to answer helpfully, you became upset with me. I'm not sure that you've ever understood this one thing: Yes, I do believe you were in a terrible situation, a situation which was overwhelmingly painful for you. I have never tried to say to you that you were not being honest about that, or that you were making anything at all up.
I believe you.
I have always believed you when you wrote about the bad situation you were in at home.
I don't think you've ever believed me when I said that, or maybe you've missed that part of my posts to you.
> Now, to address the mathematical skills, what your telling me Racer, is that "you can do it, without it", I can function....
No, that's not what I said -- not at all. What I said was this: you earned your math skills, the Dexedrine only helps you use them.
Let me try again -- I was trying to tell you that you, yourself, could take credit for having the math skills in the first place. I didn't like seeing something that looked as though you were giving the credit for them to a drug, rather than to yourself, for the work you'd done to earn them.
I meant it as a supportive, complimentary thing for you. Something to remind you that you have worth on your own, not only because of any medication.
> can ask you something? Could you do it with out your Concerta? think about it, and..
Well, since I no longer take Concerta...
>
> Your Wellbutrin, let's say.....you where just pulled off it? and told "You can deal with life, you just got to work on it". Get the picture?You know, I'm starting to feel a bit insulted.
>
> So, i'm not angry, i'm irriated that people dont understand some aspects of me, and accuse me of everything,Here's a question to ask yourself: are you so very sure that I don't understand you? Could it possibly be that I see things about you which you may not be aware of in yourself? I'm sure a lot of people here have insights into me which I've never had. Sometimes it's easier to see things in others than in ourselves.
And, maybe you're right. Maybe I have no clue whatsoever. By the same token, I am relatively certain from your responses to me that you have little understanding of me.
> what would you say....to a person who had endure this, and no one heard their cries?
How do you know I didn't endure equally painful experiences? How do you know that, if I cried out, anyone heard me?
Maybe my own childhood and young adulthood left me wounded. Maybe that's got something to do with why I think I might understand you better than you believe I do.
>
> Now, the intentions of this post, is, do not look down on me. I've had so much pain, that when someone cries all they can,First, you have no objective evidence I look down on you. You can't have it, because it's not true.
Secondly, it sounds as though you believe that you've experienced more pain than I have? If so, what do you base that conclusion on? And are you implying that your pain is more important than mine? If so, do you think that's a tad insulting?
>
>
> This was not intended to hurt, or offend anyone, but it was a strong statement "stop" putting me down.
>I've never put you down. That may be your interpretation of what I've said. It's never been in my words. In fact, that's why I included my final statement in my post to you. I'll repeat the gist of it here:
"Just for the record, I only respond to your posts because I am concerned about you. I have seen a lot of change in you over the years -- much of it for the better. I worry that you think I'm criticizing you, rather than expressing well-meant, even affectionate, concern for you."
Posted by Racer on November 8, 2008, at 23:38:14
In reply to Re: this is too all who critize me here, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 8, 2008, at 23:25:36
Thank you. Your apology is very happily accepted.
I'm very sorry whenever I think you've read my posts to you as critical. Truly, they're always meant from the heart, because I do care what happens to you.
Best luck.
Posted by West on November 9, 2008, at 12:38:19
In reply to Game Time, rj v.s Racer....let the games begin!, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 8, 2008, at 22:56:30
> Dextroamphetamine seems to be not liked on this site, and patitucally by alot of people. Do you know why? because even if i took Secobarbital, i would be critized. It's in that class of "abuse" expet, you abuse Seconal, your heart will rest in peace.NOW LISTEN Rj nobody with a conscience or any desire to see people healthy and well (apparently this is excluding at least one doctor) would like to see anyone taking AMPHETAMINES. No one cares whether or not it is a drug of abuse.
This is a board for mutual support intended for those suffering from disorders of mood, one of unwritten principles of which is wishing others wellness and respite from what ails them.
Let's go over amphetamines again...
1) they have NO place in psy-drugs and despite the charade, are taken plainly because they provide a (rather unpleasant) high particularly attractive those suffering from chronic low-mood.
2) because they are NEUROTOXIC at common 'theraputic' doses(the term so obviously inappropriate to something which undermines the very nerual architecture of happiness.)
Your cognitive difficulties are in all likelihood attributable to the fact that you 1) took for a period high doses of amphetmaines 2) continue to take them as prescribed at (high) 'theraputic' doses 3) take cocomitantly benzodiazapines which have their own adverse effect on learning and memory
You will forgive me for drawing attention to your written english, which while possessing a richness of emotional range (so often lost to antidepressants and the various thymo-anaesthetics which we dutifully dose ourselves with) and an original (if quirky) mind at work, does show great gaps in logical thinking and is frequently incomprehensible. I will go out on a limb and say that I believe this is the result of your stimulant use.
About d-amphetamine (in case you need a REALITY CHECK):
Merciless compounder of depression, routinely disastrous to the user's mental and physical health, known to dramatically alter perception, destroy nuance and the inhibit the imagination, easily capable of alienating friends and loved ones, cause psychosis, paranoia and inner-tension.
And to put up with all of that simply because you crave it? I'd be extremely concerned in not letting something so worthless, so obviously a barrier in the path to brighter futures, control me so successfully.
" Now....
i have 2 other people inside my danm head. And believe me, it's because i split because of trama, with harrassment, rages, horrifying memories, blamegames, no, i dont put up with any of that bullcrap anymore. Having more than one brain, is better."I'm not sure if this has gone UNDER THE RADAR or whehter or not this is something you have brought up with your doctor but to me you clearly whether have 1) SPLIT PERSONALITIES 2) PSYCHOSIS. In response to either:
WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU BEING PRESCRIBED AMPHETAMINES...?
YOU ARE NOT WELL. YOU OPENLY POST HEARTFELT MESSAGES TO THAT END. NOW IF YOU'RE NOT SIMPLY MAKING BIDS FOR OTHERS' SYMPATHY PLEASE GO AND GET PROPER MEDICAL ATTENTION!
>
Posted by Deputy Dinah on November 9, 2008, at 18:28:45
In reply to Re: Game Time, rj v.s Racer....let the games begin!, posted by West on November 9, 2008, at 12:38:19
> You will forgive me for drawing attention to your written english, which while possessing a richness of emotional range (so often lost to antidepressants and the various thymo-anaesthetics which we dutifully dose ourselves with) and an original (if quirky) mind at work, does show great gaps in logical thinking and is frequently incomprehensible. I will go out on a limb and say that I believe this is the result of your stimulant use.
> And to put up with all of that simply because you crave it?
Please don't jump to conclusions or post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down. You might also wish to keep in mind the site guidelines about overgeneralizations, in this case regarding stimulant medications.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil.
Dr. Bob is always free to override deputy decisions. His email is on the bottom of each page. Please feel free to email him if you believe this decision was made in error.
Dinah, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by Maxime on November 9, 2008, at 18:58:25
In reply to No games. » rjlockhart04-08, posted by Racer on November 8, 2008, at 23:33:14
Bless Racer, I do know how you still have the patience to answer the same thing over and over again. To give advice and to be ignored.
Take care.
Posted by Geegee on November 9, 2008, at 21:31:38
In reply to Game Time, rj v.s Racer....let the games begin!, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 8, 2008, at 22:56:30
> i got over it, but developed a some personality aspect's because NO ONE understood what happened. > That's the "irony" of the screenname, it had 2 meanings, i wanted to be loved, i cant be loved, i was abused during the times that everyone ignored my posts.
Hi Rj,
I feel sad that you post your heart out and you feel that no one understands or supports you. Worse, you feel that you are criticized. I'm sad because that must feel truly awful. I'm sensitive to feeling rejected, and it can be really paralyzing for me. I know it feels terrible.I'm also sad because I know that there are several people here who have posted to you trying to understand and be supportive. It's frustrating and confusing when the support we offer does not feel helpful for the poster. We offer what we can and what we think will help, but that doesn't mean that we are on target for what you need. So I ask, what are you looking for from us that would feel supportive? What would lead to you feeling understood by us? My wish for you is that you do find that empathy, support, and community here--that you feel that others understand and accept you while also supporting you in your efforts to find relief.
Can you give some examples of what you would find helpful? Maybe even post a reply to yourself that is the type you are looking for? I know that would help me going forward. I do well by having examples of what works and what doesn't work.
Warmly,
gg
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 9, 2008, at 22:29:11
In reply to What would help you feel supported? » rjlockhart04-08, posted by Geegee on November 9, 2008, at 21:31:38
West.....thank you for your advice. I'm pissed because my past, i said somethings for just attention, yet i did abuse.
The fact of the matter, i'm ready to take 20 people, you want come in to this matter an argue? please come, i didnt start this, i say things that i didnt mean sometimes. Now in the response, i will get the facts down, and tell people if there assumption is right. Here it is,
1)Asperger's Disorder, but in reponse to that, alter ego's where created because my own mind was going to breakdown, i did breakdown, did not contact family, because.....they would say "go to psych ward", i never tell my psychiatrist i have alter ego's, because first off all, there not dominant in life, they only will "give" a warm feeling, as if another person was supporting, but it's the mind. That's sad.... I'm still "rj", i just have mother and father in my head that are my age. No i'm not crazy, its called people are "blind".
2)The control issues until i was 20-1, where out of control. I never grew out of 18 years of age, result, the feeling of not knowing who to talk to. Characters where created, by how i need to talk, one is dominant, and will take control when have panic attacks. I'm put, in the back. The other one, gives advice on why this is happening. But its mind, split into its own ego's. The main thing is to get me back to just a normal, functional personal. My therpist, i am going to have to get another one, he is old, lies "no! you where late" i called him and he was helping other patients on the phone, wasted 30min of the session, only 15 to do meditation.
I dont feel bad my put downs, because my brain decided to outsmart, and reveal what they are doing, it turned into anger, idenity problems. I am changing into persona's but, i need to grab all of them and make them one.
Some people just let people to take control of them and be put into a catagory....My mind has altered into the exact will just call there cards, i dont care if it's my mother, well i've yelled at her so hard, i dont know how she didnt go death....all she said "you look angry".: Now, go get the groceries, and go to your room, i sat her down, "i'm warning you, this will come back because God see's the deciet, and the bad fruit people will eventaully eat, and they will become ashamed"
Then, as in Revelation : I saw a new earth, and a new earth, and I heard a great voice from the throne behold the dwelling of God is with men, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from there eyes, and death shall be no more, no crying, nor pain/morning anymore, for these things shall have passed away.
"As for cowardly, faithless, the polluted, as the murder's, foienicates, sourcer's, idolter's, and ALL liars, their lot shall be in the lake that burns with life and brimestone.In my term's i ate my own bad fruit, which was not all my seed i planted, people mislead me, and i got confused when i was young. Then it turned into perception problems. Now, this is my fault, because of a defect that is proably apparant in the brain. I had a CAT scan done, there is a tumor, small, at the lower back of the brain. It's not dangerous, but i do believe it had some effect with developing, growing up normal. Alot of people have horrible pasts, i forgot mine, and defend and will tell people the facts.
And any refuse, "i dont want to hear it", its called arrogance. That also represents who your moral ego is.
Last words.....I'm compassionate, nice, but there is a side of me, you dont want to see. It began in 2006, and i was takin NO stimuant medication from 2005-2008.
I'll leave it at that. It's also taught me, why are people questioning you? what the logic? or the emotion? Hug?
The world is corrupt, God's grace if you give up your life, and say "I will follow and serve you" he will bless you. I already have.
i'll still be here...
rj
Posted by West on November 10, 2008, at 8:40:54
In reply to Re: What would help you feel supported?, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 9, 2008, at 22:29:11
>
>" The fact of the matter, i'm ready to take 20 people, you want come in to this matter an argue?"No. I am not here to fight you. I am here to help you and if i am being honest, a bit fascinated to boot.
>
> "1)Asperger's Disorder, but in reponse to that, alter ego's where created because my own mind was going to breakdown, i did breakdown, did not contact family, because.....they would say "go to psych ward", i never tell my psychiatrist i have alter ego's, because first off all, there not dominant in life, they only will "give" a warm feeling, as if another person was supporting, but it's the mind. That's sad.... I'm still "rj", i just have mother and father in my head that are my age. No i'm not crazy, its called people are "blind".Your other personalities could be harmless. Nevertheless make an appointment with a psychiatrist you trust and tell him about it.
These 'others' are unlikely to be the result of Asperger's disorder. When did you receive this dignosis?
> "2)The control issues until i was 20-1, where out of control. I never grew out of 18 years of age, result, the feeling of not knowing who to talk to. Characters where created, by how i need to talk, one is dominant, and will take control when have panic attacks. I'm put, in the back. The other one, gives advice on why this is happening. But its mind, split into its own ego's. The main thing is to get me back to just a normal, functional personal. My therpist, i am going to have to get another one, he is old, lies "no! you where late" i called him and he was helping other patients on the phone, wasted 30min of the session, only 15 to do meditation.
>
> I dont feel bad my put downs, because my brain decided to outsmart, and reveal what they are doing, it turned into anger, idenity problems. I am changing into persona's but, i need to grab all of them and make them one"I am intrigued. When these personas manifest themselves, when they speak, who do they sound like? Mum, Dad, Rj? Whose thoughts are they, yours or theirs?
>
> "Some people just let people to take control of them and be put into a catagory....My mind has altered into the exact will just call there cards, i dont care if it's my mother, well i've yelled at her so hard, i dont know how she didnt go death....all she said "you look angry".: Now, go get the groceries, and go to your room, i sat her down, "i'm warning you, this will come back because God see's the deciet, and the bad fruit people will eventaully eat, and they will become ashamed"You were alone here i assume? You sat yourself down. Is this not then an example of your mother's persona causing you harm then? - Can you admit you need help controlling them sometimes?
>
> "Then, as in Revelation : I saw a new earth, and a new earth, and I heard a great voice from the throne behold the dwelling of God is with men, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from there eyes, and death shall be no more, no crying, nor pain/morning anymore, for these things shall have passed away.
> "As for cowardly, faithless, the polluted, as the murder's, foienicates, sourcer's, idolter's, and ALL liars, their lot shall be in the lake that burns with life and brimestone."I do not think you should take the old testament literally, although its certainly jolly stirring stuff. Read some PG Wodehouse instead: it's a gas.
>
>" In my term's i ate my own bad fruit, which was not all my seed i planted, people mislead me, and i got confused when i was young. Then it turned into perception problems. Now, this is my fault, because of a defect that is proably apparant in the brain. I had a CAT scan done, there is a tumor, small, at the lower back of the brain. It's not dangerous, but i do believe it had some effect with developing, growing up normal. Alot of people have horrible pasts, i forgot mine, and defend and will tell people the facts.
>
> And any refuse, "i dont want to hear it", its called arrogance. That also represents who your moral ego is.
>
> Last words.....I'm compassionate, nice, but there is a side of me, you dont want to see. It began in 2006, and i was takin NO stimuant medication from 2005-2008."
I see. Could that be the very reason do you think?
> "I'll leave it at that. It's also taught me, why are people questioning you? what the logic? or the emotion? Hug?"Hugs, Help, Human interest.
You need fixing, which many of us(however unqualified) think we can do.
>
>" The world is corrupt, God's grace if you give up your life, and say "I will follow and serve you" he will bless you. I already have.
>
> i'll still be here...
>
> rj"Very beautiful. Thank you.
W
>
>
>
>
>
Posted by Geegee on November 10, 2008, at 14:55:34
In reply to Re: What would help you feel supported?, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 9, 2008, at 22:29:11
Dang, I was really hoping you'd reply to my post.
gg
Posted by JadeKelly on November 10, 2008, at 20:40:14
In reply to Re: What would help you feel supported? » rjlockhart04-08, posted by Geegee on November 10, 2008, at 14:55:34
Hi RJ,
I've posted you a couple of times but don't hear back. Please answer gg's post to you. I,too, would like to know the answers to her questions. ONLY because we care and want to be here when you need to talk.
People here do care, most I've found are not looking for a fight. Just want to offer support. And sounds like as it is with me, you could use a little support at times also.
Wishing you well,
~Jade
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 11, 2008, at 10:44:49
In reply to What would help you feel supported? » rjlockhart04-08, posted by Geegee on November 9, 2008, at 21:31:38
G,
Well, i've been here since 2003, so that was 5 years ago, but i had diffrent screenname. During that time, there was nothing psychologcially happening, just i had some questions about the medication Adderall i was taking, i was in high school.
Then, i started to blog about the errors, misundertandings, i said stuff back then to get attention, which god i want erase that stupid, stupid stuff. What i write today, is a result of what happened from 2004-2008.
I am prone sometimes not to....respond. But, i know alot people pointed me out and say well....dont listen, dont get help. The main thing, the messages where "professional" advice, but i didnt know, how to apply it to life. Because of "Mother Dearest", who would lock up the computer because she saw people where telling me to get out of the house. I.....she "taught" me, well you cant "teach" but you can psychollically twist truth, and say....no you cant handle that. Mind Washing to gain control over things, because my mother herself never was in control, she's out of control, she doesnt listen, but turns it into a drama diliema.
Alot people have told me, police "get out on your own". I embarrasing, i can, but i didnt know because, first, i was depressed for 2006-2007, then i started realize the truth that was distored to me. People my age, 21 are living on their own, in collage, about graduate. My mother hid my UNT collage, which did say i wasnt accepted, but she didnt do anything, i could of spoken to an admistrator about the error's on the SAT i took.
People have told me "say to your mother, dont control me, i have bounderies". She got on psychobabble and read everything and ripped the computer, and locked it up.
So, i know, have alter ego's that resulted from rages, fights, trama, stuff i can't rerember. But, even though it is considered a personality disorder, the imagination created a system to know her plans, and play her tricks.
So, wish me luck. I just like vent here. But if, there is a serious moral obligation, my aunt, my uncle, my family doesnt care and says "your ignorant". No that made me, furious for them to just sit, and let me go mentally insane. And my mother will always say "he was always like this". Lies.
And, on 3 person reading this, if maybe one of the RATS, my aunt, or dad, any gossipers about me from my family (not to people to psychobabble) GET A LIFE, you dont sh*t, i dont want your help, because you cannot do anything. My family will get on just for fun to read my postings. Funnny, this is a "good" site, they say "that's for coo coo people" Well, that's how ignorant my family is, exept my brother because he understands my way of doing things. I'll leave this at rest and peace.
But thank you, gee
rj
Posted by JadeKelly on November 11, 2008, at 15:36:56
In reply to Re: geegee, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 11, 2008, at 10:44:49
Hi RJ,
Glad you posted back to gg. I can see why you feel angry sometimes. Its no fun when people don't understand the kind of illnesses most of us have. We wish they would at least try instead of making things worse with the things they say. It would be even nicer if they would help with recovery in a positive way, instead of the 'ole "snap out of it". But, even with family I geuss thats somthing some of us have to deal with, and try to get help for ourselves as best we can. I know many people on this board care a great deal abou you. Thanks for posting and I will be around!
Take care RJ,
~Jade
Posted by connor on November 12, 2008, at 21:59:47
In reply to Please follow civility guidelines » West, posted by Deputy Dinah on November 9, 2008, at 18:28:45
I agree with West. Your ramblings seem to be influenced by excessive stimulant use, which isn't a stretch considering how often you post about them. This isn't a post criticizing you, more of concern that you should probably take a break and realize what you're becoming.
This is the end of the thread.
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