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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on October 14, 2008, at 0:22:06
um..........i'm kinda having bad night...tonight. And you know i always throught i was really worth something in life.
I'm going to say this online for all the public to hear:
the rejection, verbal abuse, abandoment, its gotten to a head. I'm keep a staight face, but about to hit floor, this pain is so fierce, it's 1000 knives in me right.., the fact that i know, maybe i'm not normal, its ok. But the devestation, the reality i've seen, it created self-induced trama, "nothing" "you just exist", i lost my life, my spirit, cries inside. My flesh will rage on the floor and privite breakdowns...i cant tell how bad they are. I've had thoughts, it's ok....i'll go heaven i just wasnt created for the earth, "lord, bless my death, amen"
It........dont know why I have problems, but this is truth....and your talking to the real person, not dominant perona that conforts and takes care of the pain.
Everyone has problems, but when you have cried tears after tear....it can't be. And psycholical pain is so intense, there the only people that are supporting me. It's sad because there created/personalities to relate to the pain, and at times will switch. "Tiffany" is my mother, my real mother didnt see, or did see the breakdowns and all she did was "put him in a hospital". There are other persona's that replace a dad, other's that talk to me when i'm alone. It's a sad situation, but this is what resulted from abuse, verbal abuse.
My other personalites all agree, they are there to support, because my own personaly is falling, it didnt develop because of somethings, but i at least know that there is people to switch, and say "i love you, its ok, i'll handle it". The main goal in this system of personalites....i need to get back to my original personality. Left-behind, weeping so bad it becomes a convulsion, with no one there, exept my mother. "Tiffany" has replaced my mother, i no longer feel my mother's putdown's, and rage, or manipulation. I dont want my parents...they dont care. The've been replaced with Dominant characters that take care of the 1st idenidy that was not coping and, no one would help. When i feel unloved, and it keeps going it will usally have breakdown, and that's when i have switch in public, with a charter that is suitable for that sitation to handle.
I havent switched in the last week, couple times 3 weeks ago. It doesnt happen, only in when "my ego" crashes, its backup system.
I hate cruely that God placed on this planet. I have been irrsonsible before, done stuff any human has done. The world is cold in general. People do care about problems unless they are paid, the mind is complex and in tramatic times it can adapt, for a while. It's just, i dont know what happened with me.
It's like a "network" of people to fight attackers, in the world. They where created, because i had no defence, and got crushed. Thank god, there is an imagination that can create "artifical love", when no one cares. I'm angry, but stunted. And this is all i have to say....
take care
rj
Posted by HyperFocus on October 14, 2008, at 2:06:42
In reply to It's hitting, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on October 14, 2008, at 0:22:06
I dunno what to say to you and I'm not going to waste time with platitudes. But I'm also someone who's been overwhelmed with psychological pain and believed because of temperament and circumstances I was not made for this earth. I don't know what else to say except that you're not the only one who suffers like this.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on October 14, 2008, at 10:06:02
In reply to Re: It's hitting, posted by HyperFocus on October 14, 2008, at 2:06:42
well, it so happens.....sometimes these things hit..and i dont want to rerember what happen last night at all, and i really regret posting this.
Your opinion is your logial realization of a person, and also represesnts who you are. -rj
I'm disregarding this post, because i posted it in help, but i put too much infomation.
Thank you for your support, but this isnt something that should be on the internet.
rj
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on October 14, 2008, at 10:16:40
In reply to Re: It's hitting, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on October 14, 2008, at 10:06:02
Do not read this and thinking another way about myself. This happens at night, and i should not be posting it on the internet. I should talk about it with my therpist, but i only see him once a week. Only 45min.
People here know more about me, than my pdoc and therpist do. I just sometimes "spill the beans" when its not appropriate. And this, can not be deleted, i could delete it on other websites, but not dr-bob's.
So, just know there is a part that i dont want to talk about, and i'm shamed i put this.
We all have our own story-rj
Do not see a book of its cover, it slowly reveals what the meaning of it's innerself.
;)Rj
Posted by Phillipa on October 14, 2008, at 10:42:52
In reply to Re: It's hitting, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on October 14, 2008, at 10:16:40
RJ I hear you. Have you thought of posting on psychology? Might help. I'm here for you and your pain. Love Phillipa
Posted by Geegee on October 14, 2008, at 15:28:57
In reply to Re: It's hitting, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on October 14, 2008, at 10:16:40
I understand that this is not something you wanted to talk about publicly. Just know that there is no shame in adapting in order to cope. What you've described is a defense mechanism that happens for a reason, when there is real trauma and pain that's too much to bear. Your mind did what it needed to do to survive. There's NO SHAME in that. It's part of humanity.
That said, I'm so very sorry that you've experienced such pain and trauma. You didn't and don't deserve it. No one does. If I could offer or grant you relief, I would.
Take care,
gg
PS: Please consider printing out that post and sharing it with your therapist.
This is the end of the thread.
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