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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by dave45 on June 24, 2006, at 17:02:18
There was once a man who lived in a small village, and made a living growing carrots. His life was fairly decent, and he made a good, if modest income, tending to the carrots in his garden and taking them every Friday to the town marketplace. His life was fairly ordinary until one morning he awoke to an enormous problem. There was a giant one-eyed green monster jumping around him, screaming horrible noises and breathing fire! Now, the man was a bit overwhelmed, but he tried everything he could to get rid of the monster. He yelled at, threw things, lit a torch and waved it in his face, but the monster continued his rampage undaunted.
Eventually the man realized he needed some help. He had heard of a wizard in town who specialized in this sort of problem. He went to the wizard’s hut where an elf told him to come back in a month for an appointment with the wizard.
“A month!” said the man. “But what am to do till then, with this monster following me about every where I go?” Even as the man spoke, the monster continued to dance around him, and he had to duck and dance to avoid his fire.
“The wizard is a very busy man,” explained the elf, “and besides, it’s not as though this were an emergency. You have to keep in mind there are people with warts and curses and all sorts of things. Count yourself lucky. There are people with the plague!”
The man came back a month later, in much worse shape. He could get very little sleep, as one could imagine, and his body was covered in burns and singes from the monster’s fire breath.
“So,” the wizard chuckled, “it seems you have a bit of a monster problem.”
“Yes,” the man said, “this green, one-eyed, fire breathing monster keeps following me around everywhere and won’t allow me a moment’s peace.”
“Don’t worry” Said the wizard. “I see this sort of thing all the time. Monsters are very easy to get rid of. In fact, I have a special magic powder that is absolutely guaranteed to get rid of green, one-eyed, fire breathing monsters over 60 percent of the time. It will only cost you 50 carrots, plus an additional 200 carrots for the consultation.”
Now, the man had barely been able to pick any carrots that month, due to the monster, but he realized he had very little choice.
The man brought the powder home, and per the wizard’s instruction, sprinkled some on himself before bedtime.
The next morning he woke up to the pain of fire in his side as usual. Furious, he stormed back to the wizard’s hut, monster following him. He shoved the elf out of the way and stormed into the wizard’s room.
“This powder does nothing!”
“Oh, nonsense. Didn’t I tell you? It takes two to six weeks to work. Be patient. These things take time.”
Again, the man was furious, but what choice did he have? He endured six more weeks of fire burns and the monster’s awful, horrible screams. The man had begun to lose his friends, as most of them were afraid of the monster. He also began to lose weight and vigor, as he could barely feed himself. The monster made picking carrots very difficult, and the ones he did pick usually got burned by the monster’s fire breath. Furthermore, hardly anyone at the market would go near his carrot stand, as they were quite put-off by the screaming monster.
Finally, one morning after six weeks, something happened. The magic powder had taken effect. The monster was now orange, had three eyes, and was twice as large!
Furious, the man returned to the wizard’s hut. The elf wanted to schedule him for another appointment, but he pushed him aside.
“Wizard, the powder has made the monster twice as large!” Sure enough, there was the monster, jumping around the man breathing fire, twice as large.
“What are you complaining about? You wanted to get rid of your green, one-eyed, fire breathing monster, and I did.”
“Yes, but now I have an orange, three-eyed, fire breathing monster! That’s hardly any better!”
“Well I suppose some people can’t be satisfied. At least you don’t have the plague!”
“I want a refund!”
“I performed the service you wanted, and I deserve compensation. However, I suppose there is another powder I could give you…”
”Will this get rid of the monster, not just change its color and number of eyes?”
“Hmm, well…. I can’t say that for sure. I think your monster might be slightly magic-resistant. But I promise, it will definitely make the monster significantly smaller.”
The man had very few options in the matter. He agreed to take the new magic powder, which cost him an additional 100 carrots. He began to sprinkle the powder on himself. Over the next few weeks, the monster slowly began to shrink, until one day it was close to it’s original size. However, the same day the monster turned back to his original size, a most unfortunate thing happened. You see, to water his carrots, the man used to have a large hose he used. One day, magically the hose shrank. No water could come out of it, no matter how hard the man pumped his well.
“This is completely unacceptable!” the man said. Without his hose, the man’s carrot fields would surely die. It would be quite impossible to attract a wife now, what with the orange monster and a hose that didn’t even work!
The man made an appointment with the wizard. He didn’t have the energy anymore to fight with the elf, so he had to wait. When the appointment finally came, he told his problems to the wizard.
“Ah, yes. Hose problems are sometimes a side effect of the magic powder. One thing to keep in mind though, is that sometimes hose problems can be caused by monsters themselves.”
“But my hose was working fine before this latest powder!”
“What are you complaining about? The magic did what you wanted. I can see your monster is much smaller. I think you’re making substantial improvement. Aren’t you willing to sacrifice your hose if it means getting rid of your monster problem?”
“Well,” said the man, “as awful as it is to be without a working hose, I suppose if the monster disappears, it is a sacrifice I will have to make.”
“Well, now, I don’t think the monster is going to get any smaller.”
“What!”
“I mean, the monster isn’t going to get any smaller with magic alone. I think you would benefit from talking to a wise man.”
“How would talking to a wise man help me get rid of the monster?”
“Look, talking about monsters can sometimes be just as effective as magic. At wizard college, we did a study, and it turns out that magic and wise man therapy combined can be twice as effective as either alone for getting rid of monsters!”
The man was skeptical but again, what choice did he have?
The man made an appointment with a wise man the wizard recommended. It took another month, but finally, the day came.
The man showed up with his monster, and sat in the wise man’s chair.
“Sit down.” Said the wise man.
“I am sitting,” said the man.
“Oh yes. Well anyway, tell me about your problem.”
“I think my problem’s pretty obvious.”
The man did not understand how the man could fail to notice the monster jumping around him breathing fire.
“Maybe it is obvious to you, but it is not to me.”
“My problem is this monster!” screamed the man.
“No need to yell about it.” Said the man.
“Now, why do you think you have a bigger monster problem then other people?”
“What? That’s obvious! Most people don’t have monsters following them about breathing fire in their faces!”
The wise man smiled. “That is what you think. But how do you know other people don’t have monsters too? Perhaps they just deal with their monsters better.”
The carrot farmer could not believe what he was hearing. “Of course most people don’t have monsters following them around.”
“How can you be sure?”
“I don’t see them for one thing!”
“Perhaps they don’t show their monsters to the world like you do.”
The man was beginning to think this was a waste of time.
“ I suppose it’s possible,” said the man “that everyone has monsters that are bothering them and are invisible to everyone else. I also suppose its possible most people don’t talk about their monsters, and for some reason the monster that’s bothering me is visible. It seems like if that were the case, most people would have burns and be quite bothered however.”
“Again, perhaps they just deal with their monsters better.”
“How can you deal with fire burning your skin all the time?”
“You need stronger skin. Have you ever thought about intentionally burning yourself to make your skin stronger? It’s something called ‘exposure therapy’”
“I hardly see how that would make things better.”
“Well, you would get used to being burned by fire.”
“I don’t want to get used to being burned by fire! I want to get rid of this monster!”
“It sounds like you have a self-defeating attitude. You’re being very immature about this. I can see we have a lot of work to do. Our time’s up now, but come back in another month and we’ll talk some more. By the way, that will be 300 carrots.”to be conitnued....
Any suggestions?
Posted by llrrrpp on June 24, 2006, at 17:57:07
In reply to this could be metaphor, posted by dave45 on June 24, 2006, at 17:02:18
Ouch- my brain hurts.
That many carrots turns my skin orange.
Can I have another stab at this after my nap?
-ll
Posted by Phillipa on June 24, 2006, at 22:01:35
In reply to Re: this could be metaphor » dave45, posted by llrrrpp on June 24, 2006, at 17:57:07
Help!!!!!Get this monster away. But I don't have two hundred dollars for the magic dust. Love Phillipa ps I don't even have carrots
Posted by pseudoname on June 25, 2006, at 10:27:50
In reply to this could be metaphor, posted by dave45 on June 24, 2006, at 17:02:18
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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