![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by CEK on June 15, 2006, at 14:24:43
I have been fighting with major depression ever since my husband had an affair on me when our son was 3months old 6 years ago. I began having problems at work and everything started getting out of control. Ever since he had the affair, he is always accusing me of cheating on him when the thought never crossed my mind. The accusing, work, the affair and everything else that had gone wrong in my life piled up on me and my AD was not working. I had a nervous breakdown in January and have been not able to handle life at all anymore. I have not been functioning and don't leave the house. I do all I can to try to take care of my 3 children and pick up the best I can in the house with no help from my husband. My house is no where near spotless like it use to be before I was sick. It was hard to do then when you have 3 children making messes everywhere. What my issue is, I just found out that my mother-in-law has been talking about me to groups of women at the place that we work. I had worked there for over 5 years and am on leave now until I get better. My husband and I both work at the same place and helped her get a job there a year ago. She is telling people while on lunch break while sitting in a group of women that I am not as sick as I am acting. She says I'm spoiled. She told them that my house is messy and filthy and that I let a dog as big as a horse sleep in the bed with me and that's disgusting.(my golden retriever sleeps at the foot of my bed) I have not invited anyone including her into my house since I've been sick. She comes over unanounced and barges in. I don't want anyone to see my house less than perfect but I just can't keep up with it all now. I've never been spoiled growning up. What I have now was never given to me. I've had to work for everything that I own. I have been diagnosed by 3 pdocs as being bipolar 2 with rapid cycling and mixed episodes with major depression and GAD. I have been hospitalized twice for wanting to commit suicide racking up $15,000.00 worth of hospital bills. I've never done anything to her for her to do me this way. The people that she is talking to are people that I have worked with for 5 years! If and when I am able to go back to work people will be looking at me like I am nasty and lazy just wanting to lay on my butt. How do I ever face these people again? How do I deal with this situation? She lives a mile away from us and my 6 year old boy loves to go down there, but I don't want him anywhere around her. How does she feel free to judge me when she's never been in my shoes? Her oldest son which is 38 and lives with her says I need to get off my butt and do something. He doesn't even work and lives with his mommy! These have been the worst 5 months of my life yet my in-laws are talking about me like I'm just taking a vacation. It hurts me so that she is saying these things about me. I don't know what I should do about it. I don't know if I should tell her off, write her a letter or ignore it. Have any of you ever been in this situation? I've never mistreated her and don't know why she would do this. My husband is a line supervisor at the place we work at and these things she is saying are going to make him look bad also. Sorry to dump this on all of you. I just don't know what to do and I feel so bad.
Posted by UgottaHaveHope on June 15, 2006, at 16:03:30
In reply to In-laws dont' believe I'm sick, How do you handle, posted by CEK on June 15, 2006, at 14:24:43
The world will tell you to tell her off and respond to her unkind acts with your unkind acts. But as we all learn, anger just eats up the person who feels it.
Be radical with this lady. Show her love. Love your enemies. You will be shocked and pleased with the results. It may not be tomorrow or next month, but it will happen. That's a promise. You know the right thing to do. I don't have to tell you any of this.
Posted by B2chica on June 15, 2006, at 16:12:24
In reply to In-laws dont' believe I'm sick, How do you handle, posted by CEK on June 15, 2006, at 14:24:43
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i rewrote this three times. the first two were filled with explitives and clearly appropriate but not helpful.
all i can say is you are an amazing person. first that your not in jail for killing all those people. i can't tell you how mad this got me...about everything you said.
1)first that You helped 'her' get that job and now she's bad mouthing you???
2)that she is judging your living space...that she clearly hasn't offered to help out any...
3)that she is assuming that she is now a pdoc and can diagnose you as 'lazy' and no real MH issues??? what was her degree in again?
4)that she enables a 38 year old and dares to say YOUR life isn't on track???
5)va..vac...i can't say it...a FREAKING VACATION???? please tell me she has cheese for brains cuz i can't take it.ok. so i'm not being very helpful.
the people at work you have known for five years, this lady only been there a year? do you have good friends there...someone that can verbally 'stick up' for you? do they know what is going on with you?
i personally can say that if someone (especially a MIL) came up to me and started talking about how 'lazy' this person was...blah blah, i would be turned off by this person immediately. hopefully your co-workers will be the same. and ANYONE who is a mother should understand that even if you were NOT dealing with a MI that three kids and a full-time job ALONE would not expect your house immaculate.but i want you to know that YOU are and incredible person 1)for being a great mother DESPITE your hubby cheating on you, not helping you, you work issues, and mostly all your emotional turmoil going on. through this you've managed to somehow keep your household running.
but unfortunately this is where you need an advocate in your corner like a pdoc or therpist (do you have one btw? it would be good if you started to see one...i think they could help with dealing with the week -to- week) but also they can double what i'm going to say.
you really need to concentrate on yourself for a little while. so the house has some dirty clothes on the floor for a while, your house won't fall down. OR try to delegate some of that...it doesn't sound like you are getting much help from ANyone else. sometimes the once simple chore of doing laundry can seem so overwhelming, but we here understand. so let the chores slip and take care of yourself, sleep if you need to, eat healthy. try to get some excersice in during the day (outside preferably).
and your diagnosis is NOt an easy one, so be sure to listen to your pdoc (if you trust him/her) make sure they know all the stress going on in your life. i can't imagine, cuz not only are you going through this unreal emotional cr@p, you are probably dealing with sideeffects of new meds and such.
the finances i mention last because they can be the most overwhelming of all. but be assured that they will get taken care of. if your bills are stacking up maybe its time to get assistance, check with your pdoc and let him/her know. maybe they can suggest a program that can help out with medical bills. also there should be some type of 'general assistance' organization in your state that can help you out with this as well...it may even be through your hospital. but sometimes those hospital billers can be nasty. just remember, as long as you are making Reasonable payments they CanNOT do anything to you.notice i didn't bother to even metion the comment from the 38yr old boy? ya...i mean come on...
and remember to breathe...and take one day at a time.
as for your MIL...i have a little mini canon over here i can stuff her into a blue and white suit and shoot her somewhere over the pacific if you'd like ;^)
Posted by Phillipa on June 15, 2006, at 20:34:24
In reply to Re: In-laws dont' believe I'm sick, How do you han » CEK, posted by B2chica on June 15, 2006, at 16:12:24
I'm so sorry how can you deal with all this? You should and hopefully are seeing a therapist. And have you discussed the situation with your husband. Maybe he could tell her you really are sick or provide reading material for her. I am really sorry for you. Love Phillipa
Posted by blueberry on June 16, 2006, at 6:22:08
In reply to In-laws dont' believe I'm sick, How do you handle, posted by CEK on June 15, 2006, at 14:24:43
People who have not been to the dark side find it impossible to understand. They are all too quick to display the more evil sides of human nature.
Go about your business as best you can and don't worry what others think. Whatever it is they think makes absolutely no difference in anything. If it is true that what goes around comes around, then I cringe to think what kind of compassion they will get when they are on their sickbed someday.
You can shut them up with kindness. So your house is a mess because you are too ill to keep up. So what. Shut them up with kindness. Smother them with love, even if they don't deserve it, actually, especially if they don't deserve it.
It might be an idea to consider taking a job in a different place. But if that isn't possible, you can change your kindness and love to others, even if it is forced fake job, and that is a very powerful weapon against those who gossip.
Posted by CEK on June 16, 2006, at 7:49:07
In reply to Re: Be radical: Respond with love, posted by UgottaHaveHope on June 15, 2006, at 16:03:30
Thank you for your words of encouragement. While her words tore me up inside or cource I felt like letting her have it. But then I stopped and thought about how in the last week or so I've been trying to pray to God to help me with this sickness and if I showed out and told her off I think it would chase Him away. I know from in the past when people have hurt me (I'm very sensitive) I would relive the event over and over. The thoughts wouldn't leave my mind and I wouldn't be able to sleep. It would eat me up inside. Yet what good would it do to say anything to her? She wouldn't care or else she wouldn't have said those things in the first place. It would only cause me more problems in my marriage and give me more hate to hold on to. It takes a lot of energy to hold on to past hurts and hold on to resentment. That would only prolong my healing. I'm trying to let go of past baggage, not take on anymore. Thank you both for your words of encouragement to help me see the right thing to do. Love, CeK
Posted by CEK on June 16, 2006, at 8:22:15
In reply to Re: In-laws dont' believe I'm sick, How do you han » CEK, posted by B2chica on June 15, 2006, at 16:12:24
Thank you for all your kind words. I can see by your post that you completely understood what was going on in my head. My sister who works there also over heard her talking about me and she was told by other women at work about what was being said. Sad to say that the one time in my sisters life, she didn't say anything to my MIL. She is my big sister and has always been very protective of me and many a time has chewed a person out or threatened ugly things to them when they have hurt me. I think this time she didn't say anything to make sure she didn't start an arguement and lose her job, so I'm not upset with her over this. This had gone on last week and my sister had told my mother about it while my 11 year old girl was in the car with them. They told my girl not to tell me and they all agreed not to say anything to me about it so it wouldn't upset me and make my condition any worse. My 6 year old boy was the one who started telling me yesterday about what his uncle was saying about me and then my girl said she had to tell me something and told me about my MIL. She said she was sorry, but she hated to keep things from me. I then called my mom and confirmed the story. It was only God that kept my mom from confronting my MIL. She was so made about it. I do have some very good loyal friends at work that when the story gets to them, I'm sure they will defend me. It's just hard when you work at a factory with over 600 people working there. It's all about gossip. 98% of the people there talk about each other and stir up alot of trouble. There's alot of sleeping around with peoples husbands there too. It's completely immoral, the whole place. I do have a pdoc that I see regularly for my meds and use to go to a psychiatrist weekly until it got to where I couldn't afford it anymore. It has been a long trial of many different meds and side effects trying to find the right one to help me to get back to be able to function. So far, not so good. I'm working with a credit counciling company to help me with all the bills right now. The hospitals wouldn't help because it looks like my husband makes too much money to qualify for any assistance. They don't look at the whole picture as to what you owe and having to see a doctor and the cost you pay in meds. We're trying to sell our Tahoe to help pay off some of the bills which we hate to have to do, but there is no other choice. I've just been trying to hold my head up out of the water before I drown. I love the mini cannon idea. It made me laugh. But I've decided to try to keep the peace and try to forget about it and concentrate on getting better. I took two Klonpin and went to sleep after I posted yesterday so I could calm down. Then after going to bed and getting up this morning, I'm even more calmed down about it. I'm going to try to stay focused on getting better and try not to let anyone else keep me from that. My family is counting on me. Thank you for your post. It did make me feel better. Love, Cara
Posted by B2chica on June 16, 2006, at 9:44:24
In reply to Re: In-laws dont' believe I'm sick, B2chica, posted by CEK on June 16, 2006, at 8:22:15
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.