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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pretty_paints on July 15, 2005, at 10:27:54
Hi guys
I know I don't post on here much but i am feeling crap.
I have to go into hospital, but it has to be Barrow (the hospital which liasons (sp?) with my social worker/pdoc etc). My doc wanted to get me into hospital but won't section me bcoz it means I'll go to Southmead (which isn't to do with them). You see, there are no beds available yet at Barrow.
Meanwhile I feel like sh*t. I am in love with my pdoc and I KNOW she is in love with me, but won't admit it. I had my appointment with her today and she says she is transferring me to a consultant, I won't see her now as my doctor. She also said she sees me as a patient. That she is not in love with me, "I am in love with my husband" she said. I am so wrecked. I have tried to be strong for the last two years and now it is too much. I keep taking all these stupid pills when I don't think I need them. Nothing ever gets better. It's all SH*T.
My (now EX) doctor wants to put me on Clozapine. I am in two minds about this. 70% of me knows I don't need this drug at all. 30% is a doubt. I know things aren't right but I don't think that's MY fault. It's what everyone is doing to me. Spying on me, following me around in cars, controlling my thoughts. How would YOU feel if someone had taken away all your thoughts and replaced them with some really sh*tty, dead-pan ones???
I have now been waiting two weeks for a bed. Doc says max is another two weeks. Don't they understand how DRAINING not knowing what you're doing is?? It's just a waiting game. And my thoughts change all the time. Sometimes I don't want to go in, but I'll psych myself up to go in...but then they tell me there's no beds, so I go back to not wanting to go in. I bet by the time a bloody bed becomes available I won't want to go in at all. I just feel like a huge inconvenience to them. Just causing them hassle.
My mum has just called, my EX-doc just rang her and said how upset and angry I was. I was very angry. I started yelling at her in the hall about how much I hated her for hurting me, and how I didn't want her anyway, she's a crap doctor, and she can just go to hell. How can she be so horrible to me? Then I hung around in reception crying my eyes out.
THEN I had to get the bus (bad enough) but it didn't come for about 40 mins, so I was just stood there, crying my eyes out for ages, looking like a right wally (not that I cared).
ANYWAY some quick questions. My EX-doc says I'll have to be in hospital for a while as it takes quite a long time to sort out Clozapine (IF I decide to go on the stupid medication). She says they will reduce my other drugs slowly and then see what's needed and what's not, etc. Anyway my question is, how long do you think it will take in total, being in there? Any ideas?
Secondly, what is Clozapine like? What side effects does it have? I know about weight gain. Is it worse than Olanzapine?? Will you just continue and continue to put on weight regardless?
It's so stupid me having a new doctor. It's taken a year for the docs to finally understand what's in my head, and then as soon as it's getting better, they switch me! How the hell is this new guy going to have a clue? My EX-doc says they will give me a diagnosis in hospital. HOW THE HELL ARE THEY GONNA DO THAT? This new bloke doctor doesn't even KNOW me.
I'm so pissed off and angry. I've rung Jason from the Crisis Team. They will come round over the weekend to support me (apparently). If I had a gun I'd go shoot my EX-doctor's husband, the horrible man. Then I'd shoot myself. And I'd blame it all on my doctor. But I haven't got a gun, so don't worry.
Anyway enough of my rambling for now. And sorry I don't come on here much.
Love K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted by pretty_paints on July 15, 2005, at 10:38:32
In reply to Hospital admission - Clozapine, posted by pretty_paints on July 15, 2005, at 10:27:54
Okay, I KNOW my EX-doc is going to be reading this. She follows me around everywhere monitoring me. So she is gonna see this. And all my other posts. Oh god, I feel like I'm being raped. But it was my own stupid fault for coming on this website and writing posts and being honest. I shouldn't have done that.
So what I will say is - ***** (I won't put her name coz she will be annoyed if I use it - sh*t, maybe she will guess it from this post anyway)... anyway, if you are reading this - you know I'm talking to you - then I'm SORRY about what I said about your husband. I don't mean it, I wouldn't shoot him, I am just angry. I am not that sort of person. Are you going to report me?
Sh*t she is going to read this and report me, and people are going to come to my house.
Please please don't report me. I just said it for effect. I come here to vent, I don't mean half the things I say. Sorry.
I'm really sorry.
And I'm sorry I shouted at you earlier. You are not a bad doctor, you are a great doctor and I will miss you. That's why I was angry because I am going to miss you.
Oh no, now she's going to be annoyed with me for saying that.
Oh I give up.
Please can someone help me before I go into overload :(
Posted by ed_uk on July 15, 2005, at 14:41:46
In reply to Hospital admission - Clozapine, posted by pretty_paints on July 15, 2005, at 10:27:54
Hi Katie,
Sorry your feeling so bad :-(
>I keep taking all these stupid pills when I don't think I need them.
You do need them.........but Abilify isn't working very well at all, you need to try a different drug. Clozapine will probably be more effective for your schizophrenia than Abilify.
>THEN I had to get the bus (bad enough) but it didn't come for about 40 mins, so I was just stood there, crying my eyes out for ages, looking like a right wally (not that I cared).
(((Katie)))
>Secondly, what is Clozapine like? What side effects does it have? I know about weight gain. Is it worse than Olanzapine?? Will you just continue and continue to put on weight regardless?
Clozapine seems to cause a similar degree of weight gain to olanzapine. It's often more sedating than olanzapine, it also causes more dizziness. Clozapine is often quite constipating, you might need a laxative. Cardiac side effects are also a risk. Seizures may occur, especially at high doses.
You'll need to have frequent blood tests to monitor your white cell count, clozapine can occasionally decrease it. Clozapine often cause hypersalivation, you might wake up in the morning to discover a wet pillow! Even so, I think clozapine might really help you. If you don't want to try clozapine, you could always return to Seroquel.....or try amisulpride (Solian). Valproate (Epilim) or lamotrigine (Lamictal) might be useful additions.
Ed xxxx
Posted by ed_uk on July 15, 2005, at 14:42:48
In reply to Now I'm feeling REALLY scared, posted by pretty_paints on July 15, 2005, at 10:38:32
>Okay, I KNOW my EX-doc is going to be reading this.
She doesn't know your posting name :-)
Ed xxx
Posted by pretty_paints on July 15, 2005, at 14:50:04
In reply to Re: Now I'm feeling REALLY scared » pretty_paints, posted by ed_uk on July 15, 2005, at 14:42:48
Hi lovely Ed,
Thanks for your replies! I am feeling a little better now. I cried myself to sleep and fell asleep for a few hours. I seem to exhaust myself when I get upset. Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better. I suppose she is acting in my best interest overall, although I sooooo don't want a new doctor :( He's gonna be really crap and come to all the wrong conclusions that my EX-doctor came to before getting it right. Anyway.
How are you Ed? Alright? I went into the "students" bit and saw a post by you about wanting to give up studying? Awww :( Are you still feeling the same? How's it all going?
Posted by Phillipa on July 15, 2005, at 18:39:08
In reply to Re: Now I'm feeling REALLY scared, posted by pretty_paints on July 15, 2005, at 14:50:04
Hi Katie! Have missed your Threads. I'm so sorry you're feeling so badly. But it sounds like you really need to go to the hospital. I have seen Clozaril work wonders for someone with schizophrenia. It usually makes you really tired while you adjust to it. Then when you adjust to the doseage you'll feel much better. Love Phillipa
Posted by Tom Twilight on July 16, 2005, at 10:48:08
In reply to Re: Now I'm feeling REALLY scared » pretty_paints, posted by Phillipa on July 15, 2005, at 18:39:08
Hey Katie
Sorry your having such a crap time
Its good to hear from you though, I don’t know much about your condition, so I can’t be of much help
I would give Clozapine a try, it may have lots of side effects but in my limited experience medications with many side effects are often more effective than ‘cleaner’ medications
One thing to consider with medications is that you don’t have to be on them forever, I would just give it a try and see how it goes
This is the end of the thread.
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