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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by snapper on March 6, 2004, at 23:41:02
Does anyone know if it even possible at all to ever feel *normal again* 14 years of depression anxiety social anxiety, bpII (mostly depressed!)
ocd, 6-7 hospital stays (none of which did any good) still feel suicidal everyday.... every anti-depressant you can think of or at least the ones that were half way tolerable...... I really want to hope that i'll have a life again!! I mourn my former life before the beast came to visit... my memory is horrible my sleep is not great 50 different psychophamacueticals along the way--ect
was effective for a while best i have felt in last 5 years but it;s effects are short lived --I don't know who I am any more (not from ect) i wish the fog would lift for even a day or 2 I know I'm just rambling but just needed to vent
thanks
Snapper
ps i did have some half way normal times in all those years, just nothing that was life affirming and sustainable .... I need some hope... my pdoc just wan'ts me to go to these day group sessions to be around poeple but being around a lot of poeple is really agitating... any how right now im at 50 mg of lamictal go to 100 mg on mon and 1 to 3 mg of K a day as needed thanks for reading or listening I know all of you are going through a lot of the same stuff bit God there has to be a break through somewhere does'nt there!!??
Posted by KathrynLex on March 7, 2004, at 1:26:11
In reply to is it even possible???, posted by snapper on March 6, 2004, at 23:41:02
Hi Snapper,
I wish I had some useful advice for you...it sounds like you're having a difficult time right now. Don't give up hope that you will find a solution.
K.
Posted by linkadge on March 7, 2004, at 10:57:56
In reply to Re: is it even possible???, posted by KathrynLex on March 7, 2004, at 1:26:11
I feel the same way. I'm only 21, and have tried over 40 different medications. I eat perfectly healthy, exercise 2 hours a day, take high doses of antidepressants and still want to kill myself every day I am alive.
Seems like some people are wired for unhappiness.
Infact If I had a gun, I'd shoot myself right now.
Linkadge
Posted by snapper on March 7, 2004, at 12:31:25
In reply to Re: is it even possible???, posted by linkadge on March 7, 2004, at 10:57:56
Hi, linkadge thanks for responding to my post.
Just wanted to ask you a few questions
1.is your depression anxiety based or more melancholic or is it agitated and mixed like mine
2. is it the depression that makes you feel suicidal or the anxiety or both?
3.what have you found effective for "continuous thinking " if any thing?
4.also do you have any atypical symptoms etc.
5. what anti-depressants and doses are you on
6. finally do you know what caused your depression?
sorry for so many questions but from reading your posts it seems like your very informed and I don't see how you excersize 2 hours a day.... that seems infathomable
any how if you would get back to me if you can in re: to any of my ?'s i'd much appreciate it!
thanks
Snapper
Posted by linkadge on March 7, 2004, at 16:32:28
In reply to Re: is it even possible??? for linkadge, posted by snapper on March 7, 2004, at 12:31:25
1. My depression is very much agitated and mixed.
Ocasionally I get sad but not too often. They are toying with the idea of bipolar disoder but I have so few of the classic symptoms. The reason I behave the way I do I that often I am almost in a constant state of panic.2. The anxiety is what makes me feel suicidal. It is the constant feeling of pushing, like I can't let go, can't stop or something will happen. Constant fight or flight.
3. I don't really know. Most of the time the only relief I can get is in the thought of suicide. Last time I went to the hospital, I had to weight 12 hours in the emergency room. Most of the antidepressants seem to push me not calm me down. I have found relief in benzodiazapines, but no doctor will presribe them.
4. My aytpical symptoms are mood swings. Never high, but I can go from feeling normal - laughing with friends to on the verge of suicide within a few hours. Doctors don't understand that.
5. Just started effexor, at 75 mg now. Have taken Celexa, Paxil, REmeron, Lithium, Depakote, zyprexa, seroquel, risperdal, sinqeuan, klonaz, loraz, bromaz, temaz, ritalin, dexedrine, tegrotol, ....list goes on.
6. I'm not sure. I would be in heaven If I could find a docotor that would prescribe me benzos and opiates, what a combination for an anxiety ridden suicidal ??. I think somewhere along the line my HPA axis got terrible disregulated and shrunk my hippocampas down to the size of a pea.
Linkadge
Posted by Maxime on March 8, 2004, at 19:22:15
In reply to Re: is it even possible???, posted by linkadge on March 7, 2004, at 10:57:56
For some people I don't think it is possible. Not today anyway. Maybe down the road something will be developed that will help us.
I live with depression everyday and suicidal thoughts. This is hardly living.
Maxime
Posted by nicky847 on March 9, 2004, at 10:50:18
In reply to Re: is it even possible???, posted by Maxime on March 8, 2004, at 19:22:15
I am sorry that some of you are having such a rough time...I found a website last week that presented to me some great attitudes to take in relation to dealing with our disorders..if you have time check it out it may help..it has helped me..
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Anxiety/anxieties/1panic/step3.htm
> For some people I don't think it is possible. Not today anyway. Maybe down the road something will be developed that will help us.
>
> I live with depression everyday and suicidal thoughts. This is hardly living.
>
> Maxime
Posted by nicky847 on March 9, 2004, at 10:52:46
In reply to Re: is it even possible??? for linkadge, posted by linkadge on March 7, 2004, at 16:32:28
Link-
that is an interesting theory in #6 about your hippocampus..have you or have you considered seeing a neurologist??> 1. My depression is very much agitated and mixed.
> Ocasionally I get sad but not too often. They are toying with the idea of bipolar disoder but I have so few of the classic symptoms. The reason I behave the way I do I that often I am almost in a constant state of panic.
>
> 2. The anxiety is what makes me feel suicidal. It is the constant feeling of pushing, like I can't let go, can't stop or something will happen. Constant fight or flight.
>
> 3. I don't really know. Most of the time the only relief I can get is in the thought of suicide. Last time I went to the hospital, I had to weight 12 hours in the emergency room. Most of the antidepressants seem to push me not calm me down. I have found relief in benzodiazapines, but no doctor will presribe them.
>
> 4. My aytpical symptoms are mood swings. Never high, but I can go from feeling normal - laughing with friends to on the verge of suicide within a few hours. Doctors don't understand that.
>
> 5. Just started effexor, at 75 mg now. Have taken Celexa, Paxil, REmeron, Lithium, Depakote, zyprexa, seroquel, risperdal, sinqeuan, klonaz, loraz, bromaz, temaz, ritalin, dexedrine, tegrotol, ....list goes on.
>
> 6. I'm not sure. I would be in heaven If I could find a docotor that would prescribe me benzos and opiates, what a combination for an anxiety ridden suicidal ??. I think somewhere along the line my HPA axis got terrible disregulated and shrunk my hippocampas down to the size of a pea.
>
>
> Linkadge
>
Posted by sexylexy on March 10, 2004, at 21:47:45
In reply to Re: is it even possible??? for linkadge, posted by nicky847 on March 9, 2004, at 10:52:46
Hey Ya'll
You know for some people, medication never works. If you have battled these things for years and are still finding no relief you may want to look in to ETC. Electro Shock Therapy gets a really bad rap because of the "old times" when the shocks were not regulated and were strong.
In my practice as a therapist I have actually watched people get ETC and they report that it feels like a slight tingle, they actually do not even move when when it is adminstered. I know this may be a hard thing to think about but you should not have to live life like this. Maybe ETC for depression and benzo's for anxiety. Suicide is not the way out, you can find a solution. Hope my suggestion does not offend you but it sounds like your at the end of your rope.
God Bless you,
Lexy
Posted by greywolf on March 11, 2004, at 0:09:19
In reply to is it even possible???, posted by snapper on March 6, 2004, at 23:41:02
Snapper:
I'm new to these boards, but not to similar experiences. I'm in double digits now in meds that haven't worked for me. Suffered so long without tx that I don't even remember what's normal for me :)
My only less than genius suggestion is to just try the next technique or med. Groups aren't my style, but one-on-one sessions have been beneficial, though it sometimes felt like wasted time.
Hang in there.
Posted by LynneDa on March 11, 2004, at 9:31:21
In reply to is it even possible???, posted by snapper on March 6, 2004, at 23:41:02
Snapper - I really feel for you. 14 years is a long time for this sort of struggle. Actually, I think striving for normal is a 2nd step. Sounds like the first step is just getting rid of the depressive feelings you experience & then learning to like whoever it is you've become throughout this struggle!
Have you tried many alternative cures (there's a separate section of this site for that). Acupuncture has helped many as has ECT, like Lexy suggested. Of course there are lots of herbs, minerals and vitamins to try. You didn't mention those, so thought I'd chime in with them.
Don't give up, keep looking for any glimmer of light!!!
~ Lynne
Posted by Kat26 on March 11, 2004, at 21:47:29
In reply to Re: is it even possible???, posted by Maxime on March 8, 2004, at 19:22:15
That was probably always my greatest fear - that I would never feel normal or happy again. After anorexia and then increasingly severe OCD, being depressed and feeling imprisoned... for years...
I just want to give you hope because we never know what life brings, and in my case I did get to feel happy again, even "normal", whatever that means... I wouldn't have believed it in the middle of the darkness...
Kat
Posted by snapper on March 11, 2004, at 23:45:59
In reply to Re: is it even possible???, posted by Kat26 on March 11, 2004, at 21:47:29
to Kat and everybody else thank you soooooooo much for all of your support and ideas etc. I feel like it will never end!!! The almost constant pressure in my head, the brain fog the de-realization, the anhedonia, the apathy, the heaviness, the dispair the fitfull sleep the horrible self esteem........... I guess you all know the different symptoms(don't want to bore you all) My pdoc does'nt want me reading all this stuff about depression and anxiety but I still do because I believe through sharing with each other that we can find answers I know it is Not totally meds but I beleive that something has got to give --- kindling and stress, manic inspirations and crippling lows ...alcohol, gambling addiction, losing my business -- legal problems lawsuits, Bankruptcy and on and on ...fortunately 98% of that is behind me--fortunately I got ssdi and have a loving and very supporting family to live with-- I just want My brain back (yes I am in therapy and just today my T said she has never had a client as unique as me"- she did 'nt mean in bad way but she just did not have to many suggestions. I am so sick of all the meds the side effects the pain upon pain ......... any how I am rambling and I am sorry ! I hope Dr. Bob does'nt Rediect this thread even though it is'nt excl. about meds
thanks for everyones posts and replies.Snapper
klonopin 3mg day
lamictal 100mg day
ambien 10 mg
I just can't figure out what is side effects and what is the agony of Dep & anxiety disorder.
This is the end of the thread.
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