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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by RWF on November 29, 2003, at 11:18:17
I am starting to feel so numb lately towards my wife.
I am not on any meds except Ativan for anxiety.
I need to know how to wake up from these feelings! Are there any meds that will help me?
I know I love her, but I am starting to feel numb!
We are expecting another child, and I know I am not ready for this. I expect my numbness is from the stress of a new child, but I need to feel love again.
I feel like I am becoming a monster!
Please someone help me.
Posted by SLS on November 29, 2003, at 11:34:38
In reply to Someone please help....last ditch effort!, posted by RWF on November 29, 2003, at 11:18:17
Are you depressed?
What kind of depression is it?
Are you more depressed now than you were when you were last "in love"?
Depression can leave one flat, numb, and emotionless.
How do you know that you love her?
- Scott
Posted by shadows721 on November 29, 2003, at 13:07:31
In reply to Someone please help....last ditch effort!, posted by RWF on November 29, 2003, at 11:18:17
I don't think the ativan is making you numb. I think you are in shock over another baby. Your emotions aren't untypical. I have seen plenty of men go through what you are experiencing. Counseling sounds like a better route to me. Also, a counselor would be a good one to judge if you indeed need an additional medication at this time.
Posted by RWF on November 29, 2003, at 14:19:19
In reply to Re: Someone please help....last ditch effort!, posted by SLS on November 29, 2003, at 11:34:38
Am I depressed? I think I am...
I had a nervous breakdown when my wife first got pregnant with our son back in 2001.
I then spent about seven days in a hospital to be treated for depression and anxiety. Back then I was so scared of dying, and feared that I was going to end my life, even though I knew that I didn't have the guts to go with it.
My wife was my rock throughout the entire deal. She was there for me every step of the way. I love her so much for that, and for everything that she does for me today.
Eventually the depression and the anxiety lifted but not completely. I think it could be due to the dramatic change in my life.
I love my son too. He is the world to me.
Now that she is pregnant again, I don't know how to feel. So many questions in my mind..."Will I love this one too?", "Will I love him as much?", "What is my life going to be like?", "How am I going to get through this?", "What will I feel after it is born?"
I think I am going crazy sometimes. LOL
Now I feel this numbness towards my wife. I KNOW I love her, and that she loves me.
I am hiding my feelings from her because I can't hurt her anymore. I love her so much, I often look forward to talking to her, and to seeing her, but when I do I get anxious and so many thoughts run through my mind.
The Ativan helps sometimes, but I think that I am becoming addicted.
We do see a counselor together for Marital Problems unrelated to this pregnancy now, and I do see a psycho-therapist every week, but I have yet to reveal my true feelings to him because of my guilt of feeling this way.
I get scared so much sometimes, and I am becoming so numb to the point that suicide becomes a comforting thought however I could not do it because I have way too much to lose.
I feel like I shake inside so violently that one day I may blow up and in a rage hurt someone close to me. This scares me.
I am never like this. I am usually a caring, compassionate individual who would go out on a limb for anyone, but lately I am becoming more disassociated with reality, and becoming a victim of depression and anxiety.
I have tried meds in the past...Effexor XR completely numbed my senses, Luvox agitated the hell out of my anxiety and I don't know where to turn!
Someone please tell me that this is normal and that I will be able to live a real life someday.
I can't do this anymore, and I can't do this to my wife!
Help me.
Posted by 34 male on November 29, 2003, at 14:28:36
In reply to Re: Someone please help....last ditch effort!ALL, posted by RWF on November 29, 2003, at 14:19:19
been there 3 kids , anxiety is what it is ,you will do fine but right now you should talk to your doc this needs attention ,dont worry all will work out but trust me, talk to doc or counsler,it wont go away by wishing it away, your stronger than you think
Posted by RWF on November 29, 2003, at 14:38:09
In reply to Re: Someone please help....last ditch effort!ALL, posted by 34 male on November 29, 2003, at 14:28:36
Man, I hope your right. I appreciate the support.
You had the same feelings that I had???
Did you ever get scared that you were going to "blow up" and hurt someone?
Thanks.
Posted by 34 male on November 29, 2003, at 15:28:32
In reply to Re: Someone please help....last ditch effort!34 M, posted by RWF on November 29, 2003, at 14:38:09
man lets just say the longer i let it go without medicine and professional help, i got some realy wierd thoughts my mind played strange tricks on me, but my point is you in a full blown panic state that will only get worse unless you talk to a good dr. tell the dr you need to see him now! no if and or butts ,my dr office said ok we will see you in 3 weeks , i said no way man, this is for real i need help now, they said ok ,come in today,you see my friend anxiety is wicked mind kickin thing its fear of many things but someone told me "your thoughts are only thoughts ,not actions" dont let your thought stake over, dont watch the news are violent scary movies ,be around the ones you love and talk and explain, even if they dont understand at least they know what your going through,ill pray for you , you just keep the faith stay calm peacefull and happy,do nice things screw everything else take care of #1 now, then youll take care of others ,your not going crazy,dont worry ! your friend male34
Posted by Waterlily on November 30, 2003, at 15:08:36
In reply to Someone please help....last ditch effort!, posted by RWF on November 29, 2003, at 11:18:17
Depression will numb any and all positive emotions. I'm sorry you've not had good experiences with Effexor or Luvox, but I think you should keep searching. I have reacted differently to each an every antidepressant I've tried. Also, please talk to your therapist about your feelings. This is a big issue for you and is obviously eating you up. It's hard for your therapist to get to the meat of your problems if you are not forthcoming with what's going on. It will help just to get it out on the table for discussion and your therapist should be able to give you some ideas for dealing with it.
Another thing to keep in mind is that in addition to your depression numbing your feelings of love, familiarity and time has a tendency to reduce the fire that you may have had in the past. It's great to have a marriage that is passionate...certainly something to aim for, but don't feel bad if it's not that way for you. People sometimes expect too much from marriage. I've been married for nearly 15 years. I love my husband but don't always feel the fire.
You needn't worry about loving your second child. You will. My second daughter, now 9, is a joy and is oftentimes easier to deal with than my 11 year old. My older daughter has dealt with depression, OCD, and ADD and has been a challenge since she was born. My youngest has been a perpetually happy child, with none of the emotional problems that the oldest has.
Regarding feeling like you're going to lose control of yourself, I've had those feelings as well especially as they regard to . It is terrible worrying that you'll do it against your better judgement. It took every ounce of mental power I had to fend off those thoughts and was terribly emotionally exhausting.
I wish I had something to say that would make all your problems go away, but I don't. I just hope that you are able to get help and get over these feelings you have.
Posted by KimberlyDi on December 1, 2003, at 14:08:17
In reply to Someone please help....last ditch effort!, posted by RWF on November 29, 2003, at 11:18:17
Having a baby is scary. I know I could be numb from shock or fear as the delivery date draws nearer. I almost freaked out... overcome with panic... I wanted to scream out "I've changed my mind, I don't want to have a baby! Make it go away!!!"
So you have a life change appearing on the horizon with 9 months advance notice. Change is difficult. Some you see coming, most you don't. My mother-in-law died unexpectedly and threw our lives into a tailspin. Look at this time as a chance to mentally adjust ahead of time. I suggest therapy. You aren't a monster. BUT, not dealing with this could cost you your family and marriage.
As to medication, alot of Anti-Depressants MAKE you feel numb, that's why I suggested therapy. If you wanted to try an A-D, I would suggest low levels of Paxil. My husband takes that, and he is much more loving, relaxed and happy on it. Off of it, he's a stressed and angry man. I took Paxil successfully for years for anxiety. Don't try Effexor right off the bat. There's a high risk for terrible Side Effects and/or Withdrawal that you don't need to deal with right now.
Good luck. You'll be ok.
KDi in TX
> I am starting to feel so numb lately towards my wife.
>
> I am not on any meds except Ativan for anxiety.
>
> I need to know how to wake up from these feelings! Are there any meds that will help me?
>
> I know I love her, but I am starting to feel numb!
>
> We are expecting another child, and I know I am not ready for this. I expect my numbness is from the stress of a new child, but I need to feel love again.
>
> I feel like I am becoming a monster!
>
> Please someone help me.
Posted by KimberlyDi on December 1, 2003, at 14:36:06
In reply to Re: Someone please help....last ditch effort!ALL, posted by RWF on November 29, 2003, at 14:19:19
You don't confide these fears to you therapist? That's what he/she is there for!
You have all the help you need at your fingertips. Only thing to do is ask your therapist for help, and your wife, AND your marriage counselor. This is a ticking time bomb. You need to protect your wife by NOT keeping this from her. You've already taken the first step by posting this. You're almost there.
Good luck and best wishes.
KDi in TX
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