![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Brandymac26 on November 6, 2002, at 18:08:21
Ok, here's my situation. I have been diagnosed with panic disorder, gad, and depression. I am also currently on lexapro (10mg's), and xanax. Before the lex, I was on celexa for over a year, then I tried effexor, and neither really did the trick, so it is now my 6th day on lexapro, and so far the side effects arent anywhere near as bad as they were on celexa. But basically, I'm wondering if I have something other than depression and anxiety. The symptoms that I have are typical anxiety symptoms like palpitations, feeling like I have to run and get away, hot flashes, cant catch my breath, etc. I also have symptoms of depression like complete loss of interest in everything, I totally overeat (if it's not nailed down I eat it), I have a very poor outlook on my future, and I am sooo tired all the time, and I sleep way too much. I have been to my doc and had a complete head to toe physical -blood count, thyroid, urine, cholesterol, and a complete metabolic panel and everything came back normal. I just had this done 2 months ago, yet I feel these symptoms above all the time, and have for the past 2 years or so. But, aside from the symptoms I listed above, and t he ones in question are: I have always had bad mood swings, I have irrational thoughts like someone is watching me while I'm in the shower, or that I have some terrible disease and everytime the phone rings i think it's my doc calling to report bad news(what is this?),and I'm a perfectionist. Small, every day tasks, like cleaning the house become overwhelming for me b/c #1-I dont have the energy or motivation, and 2-once i start cleaning i cant stop-in other words i cant just "straighten up", i have to scrub the whole entire house from top to bottom or It will drive me crazy thinking about everything that I didnt clean. On top of all of this, If something (even really stupid stuff) bothers me, I get so pissed off about it I think about it and obsess at how I can get back at the person for what they did to me. This is actually starting to disrupt my sleeping patterns. I have so many thoughts that go through my mind before I fall asleep, that I will wake up in the middle of the night still thinking about everything-it's like my mind is racing. Sometimes, and I dont know if it's the anxiety that is causing this or something else, but I feel like I could jump up and go crazy (i dont know how to explain this), but its like I have to just jump up and move and do something , even if it's jump up and down a couple of times to get all of the energy out of my system, yet whats even weirder is that when I feel like this, I'm normally pretty tired! What the heck is wrong with me? I feel like there is more wrong with me than just anxiety and depression. If anyone at all knows what I'm talking about, or has any suggestiona at all, I would greatly appreciate them.
P.S. when I get that feeling that I have to just move or jump up and down, it's really a feeling like I have to move or I'm gonna go bezerk, even though I never actually go bezerk if you know what I mean. Thanks!
Posted by Emmeline on November 6, 2002, at 19:49:19
In reply to I need help w/ diagnosis, posted by Brandymac26 on November 6, 2002, at 18:08:21
Hi Brandymac. I just typed a reply to your message; it's been about 20 minutes and my reply has yet to appear, so I must have done something wrong. I'll try and duplicate my last message. I have my master's degree in counseling, and based on what I know professionally, as well as what I'm reading as I sit here flipping through my copy of the DSM IV (a diagnostic manual), I thought I'd let you know my opinions.
<< But, aside from the symptoms I listed above, and t he ones in question are: I have always had bad mood swings>>
I don't have enough information from you here, but cyclothymia (a midler version of bipolar disorder) is possible. Cyclothymia is characterized by rapid mood changes. On the other hand, mood swings and irritability are often manifestations of depression and anxiety.
<<I have irrational thoughts like someone is watching me while I'm in the shower>>
You may be worrying that you have paranoid schizophrenia, but based on the information you provided, this diagnosis doesn't seem realistic. Irrational thinking such as this may simply be manifestations of your anxiety disorders and depression.
<<or that I have some terrible disease and everytime the phone rings i think it's my doc calling to report bad news(what is this?)>>
This is your GAD.
<<I'm a perfectionist. Small, every day tasks, like cleaning the house become overwhelming for me b/c #1-I dont have the energy or motivation, and 2-once i start cleaning i cant stop-in other words i cant just "straighten up", i have to scrub the whole entire house from top to bottom or It will drive me crazy thinking about everything that I didnt clean. >>
We have a winner here: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). This diagnosis is very commonly found in individuals with anxiety disorders.
<<On top of all of this, If something (even really stupid stuff) bothers me, I get so pissed off about it I think about it and obsess at how I can get back at the person for what they did to me. This is actually starting to disrupt my sleeping patterns.>>
This sounds like manifestations of your depression and (as yet undiagnosed) OCD.
<<I have so many thoughts that go through my mind before I fall asleep, that I will wake up in the middle of the night still thinking about everything-it's like my mind is racing.>>
Manifestations of your GAD, depression, and OCD (ruminating thoughts).
<< but its like I have to just jump up and move and do something , even if it's jump up and down a couple of times to get all of the energy out of my system, yet whats even weirder is that when I feel like this, I'm normally pretty tired! What the heck is wrong with me?>>
This restlessness or "ants in the pants" feeling your describing is a symptom of both anxiety and depression, and may be a side-effect from a medication.
So, Brandymac, based on what you wrote, the only additional diagnoses which come to mind are OCD and possible cyclothymia. I hope this information is of some help for you. Take care, Emmeline :-)
Posted by Emmeline on November 6, 2002, at 20:01:49
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis, posted by Emmeline on November 6, 2002, at 19:49:19
Oh my goodness!!!! I just read my post; I think I forgot to click on the panel requesting that my words be viewed in English. I just changed the option from Spanish to English, so I hope this time my message appears as written! > Hi Brandymac. I just typed a reply to your message; it's been about 20 minutes and my reply has yet to appear, so I must have done something wrong. I'll try and duplicate my last message. I have my master's degree in counseling, and based on what I know professionally, as well as what I'm reading as I sit here flipping through my copy of the DSM IV (a diagnostic manual), I thought I'd let you know my opinions.
>
> << But, aside from the symptoms I listed above, and t he ones in question are: I have always had bad mood swings>>
>
> I don't have enough information from you here, but cyclothymia (a midler version of bipolar disorder) is possible. Cyclothymia is characterized by rapid mood changes. On the other hand, mood swings and irritability are often manifestations of depression and anxiety.
>
> <<I have irrational thoughts like someone is watching me while I'm in the shower>>
>
> You may be worrying that you have paranoid schizophrenia, but based on the information you provided, this diagnosis doesn't seem realistic. Irrational thinking such as this may simply be manifestations of your anxiety disorders and depression.
>
> <<or that I have some terrible disease and everytime the phone rings i think it's my doc calling to report bad news(what is this?)>>
>
> This is your GAD.
>
> <<I'm a perfectionist. Small, every day tasks, like cleaning the house become overwhelming for me b/c #1-I dont have the energy or motivation, and 2-once i start cleaning i cant stop-in other words i cant just "straighten up", i have to scrub the whole entire house from top to bottom or It will drive me crazy thinking about everything that I didnt clean. >>
>
> We have a winner here: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). This diagnosis is very commonly found in individuals with anxiety disorders.
>
> <<On top of all of this, If something (even really stupid stuff) bothers me, I get so pissed off about it I think about it and obsess at how I can get back at the person for what they did to me. This is actually starting to disrupt my sleeping patterns.>>
>
> This sounds like manifestations of your depression and (as yet undiagnosed) OCD.
>
> <<I have so many thoughts that go through my mind before I fall asleep, that I will wake up in the middle of the night still thinking about everything-it's like my mind is racing.>>
>
> Manifestations of your GAD, depression, and OCD (ruminating thoughts).
>
> << but its like I have to just jump up and move and do something , even if it's jump up and down a couple of times to get all of the energy out of my system, yet whats even weirder is that when I feel like this, I'm normally pretty tired! What the heck is wrong with me?>>
>
> This restlessness or "ants in the pants" feeling your describing is a symptom of both anxiety and depression, and may be a side-effect from a medication.
>
> So, Brandymac, based on what you wrote, the only additional diagnoses which come to mind are OCD and possible cyclothymia. I hope this information is of some help for you. Take care, Emmeline :-)
>
>
Posted by Emmeline on November 6, 2002, at 20:11:13
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis, posted by Emmeline on November 6, 2002, at 20:01:49
Brandymac....Please let me know that you were able to view my reply when I submitted it on my second attempt. I'm new at this board and completely forgot about having to select the option of my message being viewed in English, using English grammatical structure. Sorry about that! :-) Emmeline
Posted by Brandymac26 on November 6, 2002, at 20:21:09
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis, posted by Emmeline on November 6, 2002, at 19:49:19
> Hi Brandymac. I just typed a reply to your message; it's been about 20 minutes and my reply has yet to appear, so I must have done something wrong. I'll try and duplicate my last message. I have my master's degree in counseling, and based on what I know professionally, as well as what I'm reading as I sit here flipping through my copy of the DSM IV (a diagnostic manual), I thought I'd let you know my opinions.
>
> << But, aside from the symptoms I listed above, and t he ones in question are: I have always had bad mood swings>>
>
> I don't have enough information from you here, but cyclothymia (a midler version of bipolar disorder) is possible. Cyclothymia is characterized by rapid mood changes. On the other hand, mood swings and irritability are often manifestations of depression and anxiety.
>
> <<I have irrational thoughts like someone is watching me while I'm in the shower>>
>
> You may be worrying that you have paranoid schizophrenia, but based on the information you provided, this diagnosis doesn't seem realistic. Irrational thinking such as this may simply be manifestations of your anxiety disorders and depression.
>
> <<or that I have some terrible disease and everytime the phone rings i think it's my doc calling to report bad news(what is this?)>>
>
> This is your GAD.
>
> <<I'm a perfectionist. Small, every day tasks, like cleaning the house become overwhelming for me b/c #1-I dont have the energy or motivation, and 2-once i start cleaning i cant stop-in other words i cant just "straighten up", i have to scrub the whole entire house from top to bottom or It will drive me crazy thinking about everything that I didnt clean. >>
>
> We have a winner here: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). This diagnosis is very commonly found in individuals with anxiety disorders.
>
> <<On top of all of this, If something (even really stupid stuff) bothers me, I get so pissed off about it I think about it and obsess at how I can get back at the person for what they did to me. This is actually starting to disrupt my sleeping patterns.>>
>
> This sounds like manifestations of your depression and (as yet undiagnosed) OCD.
>
> <<I have so many thoughts that go through my mind before I fall asleep, that I will wake up in the middle of the night still thinking about everything-it's like my mind is racing.>>
>
> Manifestations of your GAD, depression, and OCD (ruminating thoughts).
>
> << but its like I have to just jump up and move and do something , even if it's jump up and down a couple of times to get all of the energy out of my system, yet whats even weirder is that when I feel like this, I'm normally pretty tired! What the heck is wrong with me?>>
>
> This restlessness or "ants in the pants" feeling your describing is a symptom of both anxiety and depression, and may be a side-effect from a medication.
>
> So, Brandymac, based on what you wrote, the only additional diagnoses which come to mind are OCD and possible cyclothymia. I hope this information is of some help for you. Take care, Emmeline :-)
>
> I have to tell you, i was thinking that i could possibly have ocd. I have been this way (like cleaning the house, rechecking the mailbox to make sure the mail I put in it is still in there) for as long as i can remember! Also, i have had panic attacks, gad, and depression for a while as well, actually, i remember feeling like this as a child. But what scares me is the cyclothymia. I dont know much about it other than what you said about it being a milder form of bi polar disorder. The thing is that I'm not manic. In other words I dont do or say abnormal things like stay up all night or spend a lot of money, i just get very irritable, and nervouse, and wind up having yelling at my husband, or kids for the smallest thing. I think a lot of this is coming from the anxiety and depression, like you said. What I'm wondering is if ssri's are effective for OCD(which i could and probobly do have), and gad. My panic attacks are almost gone since taking the lexapro(believe it or not-i sure couldnt b/c no other ssri helped my anxiety)and I notice i dont obsess over stupid stuff when i'm on med's, but oddly enough my depression only seems to get a little better. It's like my anxiety is better on lexapro, my gad, and obsessive thoughts get a lot better on any ssri's, but my depression only seems to get a little better no matter what ssri I take. It's
weird. Also, is there something that is specifically prescribed for people like me who have panic disorder, gad, and possibly ocd? Or are we normally given stuff like lexapro and anti-depressants? I just wonder if something out there is more effective for us. By the way, I replied to your other post (about switching from celexa to lexapro). Iv'e had no problems w/ the switch. And I just want to thank you so much for the reply. I really appreciate it.
Brandy
Posted by Krysti on November 6, 2002, at 20:22:42
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis, posted by Emmeline on November 6, 2002, at 20:01:49
Hi Brandy,
I responded to an earlier message of yours, but thought I’d respond again. It definitely sounds like you could have Bipolar Disorder II or Cyclothymia (which is just a milder form). The distinction between Bipolar I and II is with Bipolar I, you have had a manic episode which it doesn’t sound like you’ve had. I’m not in a position to diagnose you, which no one can except a psychiatrist, but it does sound similar to what I went through before I became diagnosed.
I thought I’d tell you a little bit about my experience before I went on the Paxil and became manic. Before then, like you, I had started to wonder if it was Bipolar, but I just kept thinking my anxiety was causing it all.
I guess the first thing I noticed was it seemed like my personality was changing. I would go through periods of time when I felt like I was on top of the world. I wanted to go out all the time, talk on the phone with anyone who would listen to me, felt like talking, talking, talking. Then, all of a sudden, I would go through a period of not wanting to do anything, not wanting to talk to anyone, life felt meaningless. I didn’t think I was depressed because inevitably I’d come back up again. Also, I didn’t have suicidal thoughts or anything, I just felt like if I died, I wouldn’t really care. There were times when I’d just lay on the couch all day and do absolutely nothing. Not even watch TV or anything. I always felt like I couldn’t shut my mind off. I started asking around and found out other people didn’t experience this. I also noticed my moods and feelings did not coincide with anything that was going on in my life. I think that was my biggest sign and what my friends noticed the most. I also have a lot of friends who have anxiety, yet they did not experience this. I would also have trouble sleeping because I felt like I could never shut off my mind. When I did fall asleep, if I woke up in the middle of the night, my mind would just start racing again. Another thing I noticed was I was having trouble thinking clearly. Especially, when I would start dating someone. I totally relied on my friends to tell me how I should be. I had no idea who I was anymore. I felt like I was out of control. I had no idea what I was going to do and say. A lot of times I would say things that were totally inappropriate. Like one time one of my friend’s grandfather died and I asked him if he had fun at the funeral (?).
Then, I started having periods of euphoria. I’d feel like I was on drugs. One time at work, I walked outside and threw my hands up in the air and twirled around like Mary Poppins and said “Isn’t life wonderful!” This just wasn’t like me. I’d get so happy, I’d jump up and down and clap my hands. I think by this point, my boss did think I was on drugs.
Sometimes, I’d get paranoid. Think every guy in the world wanted to get me into bed (I’m still not sure about that one – haha, just kidding). I remember telling my friend that one time and wow, did she think I was stuck on myself!
I also understand what you were saying about the cleaning thing. I hate cleaning, but once I start, it all seems so overwhelming. There’s so much to clean!! I can’t just vacuum and dust like normal people, I start cleaning everything like crazy once I start. I just read the previous post where someone mentioned OCD. I've often wondered if I could have that somewhat too. I do tend to get obsessive about things (right now, being the bipolar disorder).
By the way, you also mentioned a lack of motivation. Even though I feel like I have so much adrenaline going through my body, I don't know what to do with it, I also have a lack of motivation. I could put it to good use, but I usually don't.
I would also get very irritable at times.
Everyone’s experience is different. I know it is frustrating to try and figure it out especially when you are going through it. I’m actually glad I finally became fully manic and experienced the classic symptoms, it became so much clearer to me then. It made it much easier to see and accept. I will describe what that was like if you want me to, but it doesn’t seem like you’ve gotten that far so you probably wouldn’t be able to relate.
The thing is that this can get worse if untreated, which is what happened with me. The first thing to do is to read as much as you can about it. See a psychiatrist and explain what you are going through. If this is what you have, there is medication for it. The most important one being a mood stabilizer. You won’t believe the difference it makes. There may be no cure, but getting on the right medications and feeling better makes all the difference in the world.
I hope this helps.
Krysti
Posted by Brandymac26 on November 6, 2002, at 20:44:10
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis, posted by Krysti on November 6, 2002, at 20:22:42
> Hi Brandy,
>
> I responded to an earlier message of yours, but thought I’d respond again. It definitely sounds like you could have Bipolar Disorder II or Cyclothymia (which is just a milder form). The distinction between Bipolar I and II is with Bipolar I, you have had a manic episode which it doesn’t sound like you’ve had. I’m not in a position to diagnose you, which no one can except a psychiatrist, but it does sound similar to what I went through before I became diagnosed.
>
> I thought I’d tell you a little bit about my experience before I went on the Paxil and became manic. Before then, like you, I had started to wonder if it was Bipolar, but I just kept thinking my anxiety was causing it all.
>
> I guess the first thing I noticed was it seemed like my personality was changing. I would go through periods of time when I felt like I was on top of the world. I wanted to go out all the time, talk on the phone with anyone who would listen to me, felt like talking, talking, talking. Then, all of a sudden, I would go through a period of not wanting to do anything, not wanting to talk to anyone, life felt meaningless. I didn’t think I was depressed because inevitably I’d come back up again. Also, I didn’t have suicidal thoughts or anything, I just felt like if I died, I wouldn’t really care. There were times when I’d just lay on the couch all day and do absolutely nothing. Not even watch TV or anything. I always felt like I couldn’t shut my mind off. I started asking around and found out other people didn’t experience this. I also noticed my moods and feelings did not coincide with anything that was going on in my life. I think that was my biggest sign and what my friends noticed the most. I also have a lot of friends who have anxiety, yet they did not experience this. I would also have trouble sleeping because I felt like I could never shut off my mind. When I did fall asleep, if I woke up in the middle of the night, my mind would just start racing again. Another thing I noticed was I was having trouble thinking clearly. Especially, when I would start dating someone. I totally relied on my friends to tell me how I should be. I had no idea who I was anymore. I felt like I was out of control. I had no idea what I was going to do and say. A lot of times I would say things that were totally inappropriate. Like one time one of my friend’s grandfather died and I asked him if he had fun at the funeral (?).
>
> Then, I started having periods of euphoria. I’d feel like I was on drugs. One time at work, I walked outside and threw my hands up in the air and twirled around like Mary Poppins and said “Isn’t life wonderful!” This just wasn’t like me. I’d get so happy, I’d jump up and down and clap my hands. I think by this point, my boss did think I was on drugs.
>
> Sometimes, I’d get paranoid. Think every guy in the world wanted to get me into bed (I’m still not sure about that one – haha, just kidding). I remember telling my friend that one time and wow, did she think I was stuck on myself!
>
> I also understand what you were saying about the cleaning thing. I hate cleaning, but once I start, it all seems so overwhelming. There’s so much to clean!! I can’t just vacuum and dust like normal people, I start cleaning everything like crazy once I start. I just read the previous post where someone mentioned OCD. I've often wondered if I could have that somewhat too. I do tend to get obsessive about things (right now, being the bipolar disorder).
>
> By the way, you also mentioned a lack of motivation. Even though I feel like I have so much adrenaline going through my body, I don't know what to do with it, I also have a lack of motivation. I could put it to good use, but I usually don't.
>
> I would also get very irritable at times.
>
> Everyone’s experience is different. I know it is frustrating to try and figure it out especially when you are going through it. I’m actually glad I finally became fully manic and experienced the classic symptoms, it became so much clearer to me then. It made it much easier to see and accept. I will describe what that was like if you want me to, but it doesn’t seem like you’ve gotten that far so you probably wouldn’t be able to relate.
>
> The thing is that this can get worse if untreated, which is what happened with me. The first thing to do is to read as much as you can about it. See a psychiatrist and explain what you are going through. If this is what you have, there is medication for it. The most important one being a mood stabilizer. You won’t believe the difference it makes. There may be no cure, but getting on the right medications and feeling better makes all the difference in the world.
>
> I hope this helps.
>
> Krysti
>
> Thanks for the reply. I guess why I keep asking about this is b/c I got to a general practitioner. I dont have good insurance, and they wont pay to see a psych doc, so if i go to one, i have to go to the "county clinic" if you know what i mean. In other words, i dont get to spend enough time with my regular doc to tell her everything that is going on w/ me, and if if she did have the time to listen to me, would she be able to properly diagnose me? Thats what scares me-that I wont get a proper diagnosis. But as far as what you were saying about the mania-i dont really have the classic symptoms other than the fact that I go from being really depressed and not wanting to do anything, not even get out bed to eat, or go to the bathroom, to feeling ok. I flip flop like this. But I dont ever feel like I'm on top of the world, or I have a ton of energy. For instance, I will go through phases of being depressed (like all i want to do is sleep, and i dont want anyone around me), and i might feel like this for weeks, then all of a sudden my husband will say "let's go to the store and get some snacks and rent a couple of movies" and that will pep me up and I'll be ok or normal-i guess for a while. But the whole time I flip flop like this I'm really irritable, and the smallest thing will tick me off. The only time I ever feel like I have to just keep talking is when i drink (which I dont do a lot), but I'll call people regardless of the hour just to talk, but thats the only time I do that. And the racing thoughts, sometimes I wish I had a switch where I could just turn my brain off! What I do know, is that I have more of the depressive episodes than anything, and I just dont know if my General practitoner will know what I'm talking about when I tell her this. Anyway, I hope this gives you a little more input on my symptoms. I will say that the way I feel is very hard to describe. Thanks a lot for your reply!
Brandy
>
Posted by Emmeline on November 6, 2002, at 20:58:11
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis » Emmeline, posted by Brandymac26 on November 6, 2002, at 20:21:09
You wrote:
> > I have to tell you, i was thinking that i could possibly have ocd. I have been this way (like cleaning the house, rechecking the mailbox to make sure the mail I put in it is still in there) for as long as i can remember!>>These are classic OCD symptoms. I have panic disorder, OCD, and depression, and while my OCD doesn't manifest itself in overt ways anymore, I used to be a "checker"; you know, checking to make sure I unplugged things, turned the oven off, turned the alarm on, etc.
<<Also, i have had panic attacks, gad, and depression for a while as well, actually, i remember feeling like this as a child.>>
I also had all of my disorders (but to a lesser degree) as a child.
<<But what scares me is the cyclothymia. I dont know much about it other than what you said about it being a milder form of bi polar disorder.>>
Here's an example of cyclothymia: I have a cousin. We'll call her "Cousin". When cousin visits me, it's like being with Jeckyll and Hyde. One second, she's in a great mood; not manic, but simply happy and content. The next thing I know, in the blink of an eye, she's gone from happy (normal happy) to the Grinch. Everything is miserable. She scowls, complains about the movie we rented (despite the fact that she's the one who picked it out), and is generally "blah". In a few minutes, Cousin is happy again. But like I said, I only mentioned cyclothymia because you mentioned mood swings and were searching for a diagnosis other than your GAD, panic disorder, and depression.
<<What I'm wondering is if ssri's are effective for OCD(which i could and probobly do have), and gad. My panic attacks are almost gone since taking the lexapro(believe it or not-i sure couldnt b/c no other ssri helped my anxiety)and I notice i dont obsess over stupid stuff when i'm on med's, but oddly enough my depression only seems to get a little better. It's like my anxiety is better on lexapro, my gad, and obsessive thoughts get a lot better on any ssri's, but my depression only seems to get a little better no matter what ssri I take. It's
weird.>>I'm sure you've heard this before, but everyone reacts to and tolerates different medications differently. I know someone who takes Zoloft for panic disorder, OCD, and depression; it does the trick for her. Other people may do better with a different medication or a combination of medications; it's trial and error. I know that the Imipramine I take was invented in the dark ages, but it's what works for me; it's also used to treat panic disorder, OCD, and depression. Have you ever added buspar to any of your medications? It's essentially a burst of serotonin and lasts for approximately 6 hours. It's given for anxiety disorders, but I'm curious as to what the extra serotonin might be able to do for your depression. Just a thought. Once again, thanks so much for your previous advice. It's my pleasure to help you in any way that I can. At your next appointment, make sure to bring up your concerns about diagnoses and meds. Take care! Em :-)
Posted by Brandymac26 on November 6, 2002, at 21:04:05
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis, posted by Krysti on November 6, 2002, at 20:22:42
> Hi Brandy,
>
> I responded to an earlier message of yours, but thought I’d respond again. It definitely sounds like you could have Bipolar Disorder II or Cyclothymia (which is just a milder form). The distinction between Bipolar I and II is with Bipolar I, you have had a manic episode which it doesn’t sound like you’ve had. I’m not in a position to diagnose you, which no one can except a psychiatrist, but it does sound similar to what I went through before I became diagnosed.
>
> I thought I’d tell you a little bit about my experience before I went on the Paxil and became manic. Before then, like you, I had started to wonder if it was Bipolar, but I just kept thinking my anxiety was causing it all.
>
> I guess the first thing I noticed was it seemed like my personality was changing. I would go through periods of time when I felt like I was on top of the world. I wanted to go out all the time, talk on the phone with anyone who would listen to me, felt like talking, talking, talking. Then, all of a sudden, I would go through a period of not wanting to do anything, not wanting to talk to anyone, life felt meaningless. I didn’t think I was depressed because inevitably I’d come back up again. Also, I didn’t have suicidal thoughts or anything, I just felt like if I died, I wouldn’t really care. There were times when I’d just lay on the couch all day and do absolutely nothing. Not even watch TV or anything. I always felt like I couldn’t shut my mind off. I started asking around and found out other people didn’t experience this. I also noticed my moods and feelings did not coincide with anything that was going on in my life. I think that was my biggest sign and what my friends noticed the most. I also have a lot of friends who have anxiety, yet they did not experience this. I would also have trouble sleeping because I felt like I could never shut off my mind. When I did fall asleep, if I woke up in the middle of the night, my mind would just start racing again. Another thing I noticed was I was having trouble thinking clearly. Especially, when I would start dating someone. I totally relied on my friends to tell me how I should be. I had no idea who I was anymore. I felt like I was out of control. I had no idea what I was going to do and say. A lot of times I would say things that were totally inappropriate. Like one time one of my friend’s grandfather died and I asked him if he had fun at the funeral (?).
>
> Then, I started having periods of euphoria. I’d feel like I was on drugs. One time at work, I walked outside and threw my hands up in the air and twirled around like Mary Poppins and said “Isn’t life wonderful!” This just wasn’t like me. I’d get so happy, I’d jump up and down and clap my hands. I think by this point, my boss did think I was on drugs.
>
> Sometimes, I’d get paranoid. Think every guy in the world wanted to get me into bed (I’m still not sure about that one – haha, just kidding). I remember telling my friend that one time and wow, did she think I was stuck on myself!
>
> I also understand what you were saying about the cleaning thing. I hate cleaning, but once I start, it all seems so overwhelming. There’s so much to clean!! I can’t just vacuum and dust like normal people, I start cleaning everything like crazy once I start. I just read the previous post where someone mentioned OCD. I've often wondered if I could have that somewhat too. I do tend to get obsessive about things (right now, being the bipolar disorder).
>
> By the way, you also mentioned a lack of motivation. Even though I feel like I have so much adrenaline going through my body, I don't know what to do with it, I also have a lack of motivation. I could put it to good use, but I usually don't.
>
> I would also get very irritable at times.
>
> Everyone’s experience is different. I know it is frustrating to try and figure it out especially when you are going through it. I’m actually glad I finally became fully manic and experienced the classic symptoms, it became so much clearer to me then. It made it much easier to see and accept. I will describe what that was like if you want me to, but it doesn’t seem like you’ve gotten that far so you probably wouldn’t be able to relate.
>
> The thing is that this can get worse if untreated, which is what happened with me. The first thing to do is to read as much as you can about it. See a psychiatrist and explain what you are going through. If this is what you have, there is medication for it. The most important one being a mood stabilizer. You won’t believe the difference it makes. There may be no cure, but getting on the right medications and feeling better makes all the difference in the world.
>
> I hope this helps.
>
> Krysti
>
>
> I forgot something. When I was a teenager, even into my early 20's I always felt like i had to go go go. I always wanted to talk to people/friends, and go out and do stuff, and I'd get overly excited about things that wernt really a big deal, but I never really got all that depressed during this time.But like you said, my moods didnt correspond to what was happening in my life. For instance my mom was diagnosed with MS, and I just totally disregarded the whole situation, and I told my family that it was all in her head! I dont know why i did this, and now, i feel really guilty about it. As far as how I am now, I dont ever really want to go go go anymore. I want to sleep, and be alone half the time, and I'm very irritable and moody. I'll get ticked off for the smallest thing etc. Do you think it's worth running by my doc that I might be bi polar, or have the other milder form? Thanks for the input!
Brandy
Posted by Brandymac26 on November 6, 2002, at 21:18:58
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis-Brandymac, posted by Emmeline on November 6, 2002, at 20:58:11
>
> You wrote:
> > > I have to tell you, i was thinking that i could possibly have ocd. I have been this way (like cleaning the house, rechecking the mailbox to make sure the mail I put in it is still in there) for as long as i can remember!>>
>
> These are classic OCD symptoms. I have panic disorder, OCD, and depression, and while my OCD doesn't manifest itself in overt ways anymore, I used to be a "checker"; you know, checking to make sure I unplugged things, turned the oven off, turned the alarm on, etc.
>
> <<Also, i have had panic attacks, gad, and depression for a while as well, actually, i remember feeling like this as a child.>>
>
> I also had all of my disorders (but to a lesser degree) as a child.
>
> <<But what scares me is the cyclothymia. I dont know much about it other than what you said about it being a milder form of bi polar disorder.>>
>
> Here's an example of cyclothymia: I have a cousin. We'll call her "Cousin". When cousin visits me, it's like being with Jeckyll and Hyde. One second, she's in a great mood; not manic, but simply happy and content. The next thing I know, in the blink of an eye, she's gone from happy (normal happy) to the Grinch. Everything is miserable. She scowls, complains about the movie we rented (despite the fact that she's the one who picked it out), and is generally "blah". In a few minutes, Cousin is happy again. But like I said, I only mentioned cyclothymia because you mentioned mood swings and were searching for a diagnosis other than your GAD, panic disorder, and depression.
>
> <<What I'm wondering is if ssri's are effective for OCD(which i could and probobly do have), and gad. My panic attacks are almost gone since taking the lexapro(believe it or not-i sure couldnt b/c no other ssri helped my anxiety)and I notice i dont obsess over stupid stuff when i'm on med's, but oddly enough my depression only seems to get a little better. It's like my anxiety is better on lexapro, my gad, and obsessive thoughts get a lot better on any ssri's, but my depression only seems to get a little better no matter what ssri I take. It's
> weird.>>
>
> I'm sure you've heard this before, but everyone reacts to and tolerates different medications differently. I know someone who takes Zoloft for panic disorder, OCD, and depression; it does the trick for her. Other people may do better with a different medication or a combination of medications; it's trial and error. I know that the Imipramine I take was invented in the dark ages, but it's what works for me; it's also used to treat panic disorder, OCD, and depression. Have you ever added buspar to any of your medications? It's essentially a burst of serotonin and lasts for approximately 6 hours. It's given for anxiety disorders, but I'm curious as to what the extra serotonin might be able to do for your depression. Just a thought. Once again, thanks so much for your previous advice. It's my pleasure to help you in any way that I can. At your next appointment, make sure to bring up your concerns about diagnoses and meds. Take care! Em :-)
>
> I just got through letting my husband read the example that you gave me about your cousin, and he said that the best way for him to describe me is I'll go from being in a blah, kind of down mood to a perky, upbeat mood, to being ticked off about something stupid. And now that he has described this, I do see how my moods do change. The really weird part about it, is that the times that I perk up, I still feel really Blah or down-if you know what I mean. I posted to someone else about how when i was a teenager and into my early 20's I was constantly on the go. I always wanted to go out and party, or just talk to people non stop, yet I was never as depressed as I am now. Recently, (within the past couple of years), I'm not always want ing to go, go, go. I just want to sleep, and be left alone most of the time, and I also have the mood swings.
On top of all of this, I still have BAD panic attacks (untill I started the lexapro), gad, depression, and I think ocd. I just cant turn my brain off! Thanks for the replies!
Brandy
>
>
Posted by Brandymac26 on November 6, 2002, at 21:22:12
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis-Brandymac, posted by Emmeline on November 6, 2002, at 20:58:11
>
> You wrote:
> > > I have to tell you, i was thinking that i could possibly have ocd. I have been this way (like cleaning the house, rechecking the mailbox to make sure the mail I put in it is still in there) for as long as i can remember!>>
>
> These are classic OCD symptoms. I have panic disorder, OCD, and depression, and while my OCD doesn't manifest itself in overt ways anymore, I used to be a "checker"; you know, checking to make sure I unplugged things, turned the oven off, turned the alarm on, etc.
>
> <<Also, i have had panic attacks, gad, and depression for a while as well, actually, i remember feeling like this as a child.>>
>
> I also had all of my disorders (but to a lesser degree) as a child.
>
> <<But what scares me is the cyclothymia. I dont know much about it other than what you said about it being a milder form of bi polar disorder.>>
>
> Here's an example of cyclothymia: I have a cousin. We'll call her "Cousin". When cousin visits me, it's like being with Jeckyll and Hyde. One second, she's in a great mood; not manic, but simply happy and content. The next thing I know, in the blink of an eye, she's gone from happy (normal happy) to the Grinch. Everything is miserable. She scowls, complains about the movie we rented (despite the fact that she's the one who picked it out), and is generally "blah". In a few minutes, Cousin is happy again. But like I said, I only mentioned cyclothymia because you mentioned mood swings and were searching for a diagnosis other than your GAD, panic disorder, and depression.
>
> <<What I'm wondering is if ssri's are effective for OCD(which i could and probobly do have), and gad. My panic attacks are almost gone since taking the lexapro(believe it or not-i sure couldnt b/c no other ssri helped my anxiety)and I notice i dont obsess over stupid stuff when i'm on med's, but oddly enough my depression only seems to get a little better. It's like my anxiety is better on lexapro, my gad, and obsessive thoughts get a lot better on any ssri's, but my depression only seems to get a little better no matter what ssri I take. It's
> weird.>>
>
> I'm sure you've heard this before, but everyone reacts to and tolerates different medications differently. I know someone who takes Zoloft for panic disorder, OCD, and depression; it does the trick for her. Other people may do better with a different medication or a combination of medications; it's trial and error. I know that the Imipramine I take was invented in the dark ages, but it's what works for me; it's also used to treat panic disorder, OCD, and depression. Have you ever added buspar to any of your medications? It's essentially a burst of serotonin and lasts for approximately 6 hours. It's given for anxiety disorders, but I'm curious as to what the extra serotonin might be able to do for your depression. Just a thought. Once again, thanks so much for your previous advice. It's my pleasure to help you in any way that I can. At your next appointment, make sure to bring up your concerns about diagnoses and meds. Take care! Em :-)
>
> I'm gonna ask about buspar. Is it supposed to give you some extra energy? B/C I need it! lol
Brandy
>
>
Posted by Brandymac26 on November 6, 2002, at 21:36:20
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis-Brandymac » Emmeline, posted by Brandymac26 on November 6, 2002, at 21:22:12
Another thing, the rages that people who are bi polar get into, like throwing stuff, and yelling and screaming, and then wondering why they did it-does this behavior count if it is provoked. For example, if my husband does something like get in my way while I'm trying to clean or something like that, and I fly off the handle at him and totally lash out, and maybe even throw stuff, does this count as manic behavior even though he provoked the situation? I'm not saying theres ANY excuse for that type of behavior, but sometimes I fly off the handle for no reason, and later wonder what the heck was wrong with me for doing it. I just wonder if this type of behavior is classified under the irritable symptom, or manic symptom of bi polar disorder. I just want to get all my ducks in a row before I go to my doc and tell her all this stuff. Thanks for all your advice!
Brandy
Posted by Mr Cushing on November 6, 2002, at 22:00:35
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis, posted by Krysti on November 6, 2002, at 20:22:42
Alright, I just had to post something after reading this. I've never seen anybody describe what I'm going through better than this.
"I guess the first thing I noticed was it seemed like my personality was changing. I would go through periods of time when I felt like I was on top of the world. I wanted to go out all the time, talk on the phone with anyone who would listen to me, felt like talking, talking, talking. Then, all of a sudden, I would go through a period of not wanting to do anything, not wanting to talk to anyone, life felt meaningless. I didn’t think I was depressed because inevitably I’d come back up again."
I was going through this during school sometimes on a weekly basis. I would be totally energized for about 4-5 days of which I would hit the books HARD, Hell, I'd teach the class myself in my spare time when I learned something that people were having problems with. Then eventually I'd crash and not want to do anything for like 3-4 days, just lie there, wondering what the Hell was going on with me. I found around this time that I'd really miss my Mom (who's been dead 8 years)and aslo a few exs here and there. I would just feel really lonely no matter who was around me. This would go away in a matter of days and I would be fully energized again.
"I didn’t have suicidal thoughts or anything, I just felt like if I died, I wouldn’t really care."I was just talking about this to a friend today. I remember telling him that I really wasn't scared of dying. That I could have it either way, like 50% of me wanted to live, 50% of me wanted to die. That's about as suicidal as I get.
"I always felt like I couldn’t shut my mind off"
I've said this myself on numerous occassions.
"I would also have trouble sleeping because I felt like I could never shut off my mind. When I did fall asleep, if I woke up in the middle of the night, my mind would just start racing again."
I went through this HELL for about a year... God, that was HORRIBLE, felt like I was cursed. Most nights because of this I wouldn't get anymore than 3 hours of sleep. This went on for 1 year straight... No matter whether I was in an "up" period or a "down" period, I just couldn't sleep. Could not shut my mind off, and to make matters worse, I was thinking about the silliest things...
Worried about whether or not I was going to be able to get up in the morning, you know, I only have 6 hours left to sleep.. damn, do I have clean clothes for tommorrow... do I??? K, let's go check, oh man, I do and now I only have 5 hours left... Zzzzz.. wake up, oh man, 2 hours left and fully awake.. hmm... This isn't good, not going to have enough sleep tonight... Hour and a half left to sleep, damn... Zzzzzz.. *Alarm clock goes off*
That was my cycle for 1 year... I hope I NEVER have to go back to that
"Another thing I noticed was I was having trouble thinking clearly"
K, I'm still sort of going through this. Most of my life I've been able to think VERY clearly. Most people think I have a photographic memory. If I learn something, I always know it. If I hear something, I always remember it. Now... I remember maybe 30-40% of what I'm supposed to have learned.
"Especially, when I would start dating someone. I totally relied on my friends to tell me how I should be. I had no idea who I was anymore. I felt like I was out of control. I had no idea what I was going to do and say. A lot of times I would say things that were totally inappropriate. Like one time one of my friend’s grandfather died and I asked him if he had fun at the funeral (?). "
Ok, I haven't dated anybody now in about 2 years. I gave up on that completely because I decided that it was just too hard for me to relate to somebody else. I never knew what to do around other people. Only like a few select friends did I eventually trust enough to even be around. It got to the point that if I got into a conversation with a good looking girl.. instant panic attack.
Also, I would find myself saying the RUDEST things possible. Honestly, I know about a dozen instances that I could bring up, but none of them I feel even comfortable posting without being banned from this message board.
"Then, I started having periods of euphoria. I’d feel like I was on drugs. One time at work, I walked outside and threw my hands up in the air and twirled around like Mary Poppins and said “Isn’t life wonderful!” This just wasn’t like me. I’d get so happy, I’d jump up and down and clap my hands. I think by this point, my boss did think I was on drugs."
Alright, this happened to me when I started to get stabilized on my first Effexor dose of 75mg per day. One day I walked into my house and my brother is like, "Mike, I thought you weren't going to smoke weed till you got stabilized on that new medication? And I'm like, "I haven't smoked anything today.. why do you ask?" So he's like "Because you have this enormous grin on your face, your eyes are like wide, like so happy they want to pop out of your head, and you look stoned".
"Sometimes, I’d get paranoid. Think every guy in the world wanted to get me into bed (I’m still not sure about that one – haha, just kidding). I remember telling my friend that one time and wow, did she think I was stuck on myself!"
I was just paranoid about everybody... Hell, I was scared to meet anybody new, and most of the people I used to know I simply didn't trust, and the scary part is, I still don't. New people scare the Hell out of me and it NEVER used to be like that. Some people that i used to know and I run into now, I just can't bring myself to talk to them. I usually just keep walking and feel horrible.
"I also understand what you were saying about the cleaning thing. I hate cleaning, but once I start, it all seems so overwhelming. There’s so much to clean!! I can’t just vacuum and dust like normal people, I start cleaning everything like crazy once I start. I just read the previous post where someone mentioned OCD. I've often wondered if I could have that somewhat too. I do tend to get obsessive about things (right now, being the bipolar disorder). "
I go through phases with everything. For example, right now I'm stuck in wrestling mode. I think i've watched over 200 hours of Japanese wrestling over the past 6 months. I mean, I enjoy the Hell out of these phases because eventually you know a LOT about everything. But yeah, I get these too.
"I would also get very irritable at times. "
K, I don't want to sound completely nuts here... but I've got a temper that I'm scared of. When I go off... I GO OFF!!! Most people don't make me lose it, I try HARD not to lose it, but if I do, things get ugly. I'm not a violent person but that's mostly because my friends/family are bigger than me and when I get like this, they can calm me down.
Anyways, Krysti, if you got through this, I need help babe. I sent you an email tonight to see what you thought so if you could read that and get back to me, that would be wonderful. I think I'm going to post something similar to that here now.
Posted by Krysti on November 6, 2002, at 23:18:31
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis » Krysti, posted by Mr Cushing on November 6, 2002, at 22:00:35
Okay, I've got to go to sleep! But, I wanted to tell you that I will talk to you later. It's nice when you meet someone who's gone through the same sort of stuff, isn't it?
I promise I will get back to you, I just have to go to sleep now. It sucks having a job!! I really wish I could just focus on this more for a little while. If only...
I will get back to you :)
Krysti
Posted by ROO on November 7, 2002, at 8:50:39
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis Mr Cushing, posted by Krysti on November 6, 2002, at 23:18:31
Krysti--I just have to tell you that you are GREAT at
writing exactly what it's like to have cyclothymia (although
I have to say from your descriptions it sounds like you have
more like full blown bipolar than cyclothymia!)...and thank you
for writing such detailed descriptions...yes it DOES help to know there
are others out there that share these experiences. It really does bring
out more stress when you date someone because you never know who you're gonna
be and how you're gonna feel! My cyclothymia developed while I was engaged and
needless to say, I broke the engagement off...I just got too damn confused! One minute
I was totally in love, the next he was completely wrong for me and I would be in a panic
about it..back and forth, back and forth! I'm still scared to be in relationships because I
don't trust my feelings to stay stable for someone, and I don't want to hurt anyone with my
tendency to continually pull them close and then push them away because of my ever cycling moods.
Have you found the mood stabilizer to help your current relationship?Brandymac...because of your confusion and panic..which is what I experienced when I started
developing cyclothymia...I think it may be what you have...but I'm no psychiatrist, so of course
I can't give you a diagnoses...I can just say it sounds very similar to what I went through and that
being on a mood stabilizer helped me a lot with that panicky anxiety confused don't know who the hell
I am feeling. You might want to ask your doctor if you can try one. Is there ANY way you can get referred
to a psychiatrist? Sounds to me like you might need to be on a mood stabilizer and a low dose ssri for the OCD.
Posted by Brandymac26 on November 7, 2002, at 9:19:29
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis--Krysti/Brandymac, posted by ROO on November 7, 2002, at 8:50:39
> Krysti--I just have to tell you that you are GREAT at
> writing exactly what it's like to have cyclothymia (although
> I have to say from your descriptions it sounds like you have
> more like full blown bipolar than cyclothymia!)...and thank you
> for writing such detailed descriptions...yes it DOES help to know there
> are others out there that share these experiences. It really does bring
> out more stress when you date someone because you never know who you're gonna
> be and how you're gonna feel! My cyclothymia developed while I was engaged and
> needless to say, I broke the engagement off...I just got too damn confused! One minute
> I was totally in love, the next he was completely wrong for me and I would be in a panic
> about it..back and forth, back and forth! I'm still scared to be in relationships because I
> don't trust my feelings to stay stable for someone, and I don't want to hurt anyone with my
> tendency to continually pull them close and then push them away because of my ever cycling moods.
> Have you found the mood stabilizer to help your current relationship?
>
> Brandymac...because of your confusion and panic..which is what I experienced when I started
> developing cyclothymia...I think it may be what you have...but I'm no psychiatrist, so of course
> I can't give you a diagnoses...I can just say it sounds very similar to what I went through and that
> being on a mood stabilizer helped me a lot with that panicky anxiety confused don't know who the hell
> I am feeling. You might want to ask your doctor if you can try one. Is there ANY way you can get referred
> to a psychiatrist? Sounds to me like you might need to be on a mood stabilizer and a low dose ssri for the OCD.
Hi Roo! I'm on lexapro for panic disorder, gad, and depression. I havent been diagnosed w/ ocd yet, but I'm sure I have it! I go to a general pratitioner b/c my insurance doesn't cover psy doc's, so I think I'm just gonna bite the bullet and go to the county mental health center here. I've talked to my friends and family, and they seem to think that I could posibly be bipolar also. When I look back at my different moods, I always underestimate how bad I can really get, and they have helped me realize that my mood swings are a lot worse than I actually thought, so I'm gonna bring this up w/ my doc when I go for my follow up visit, and see what she says or recommends. For example, i was taking w/ a friend about all of this, and she said that having a conversation with me is like walking on eggshells b/c she never really knows what kind of mood I'm in. And she said that I seem to be either up, and happy , or really mad at the world and down. I dont always see myself like this, but she, along with my husband have both said this to me over and over again. Hope this helps explain a little better where I'm coming from.I seem to not realize how bad my mood swings are, I guess. Thanks.
Brandy
Posted by Krysti on November 7, 2002, at 13:45:49
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis--Krysti/Brandymac, posted by ROO on November 7, 2002, at 8:50:39
Hi Roo,
How are you doing? I'm okay except that I stayed up too late and am afraid the Lexapro is going to start me cycling again. Ugh! Having a very hard time concentrating today from lack of sleep. I should have taken an Ambien and just gone to sleep! Oh well.
Thanks for the compliment on describing cyclothymia. For a while there, I was so confused I wouldn't have even been able to describe it! Yes, I do have Bipolar Disorder I. It started out with Cyclothymia though and then just got worse.
As far as relationships, the mood stabilizer has definitely helped. Before that, I was a mess. It's kind of hard to date someone and let them get to know you when you don't even know who the heck you are! The last guy I dated before this one (before I was diagnosed) said to me he was so glad he finally met someone who was "normal" - haha. Boy did I prove him wrong!
I think it also helps that the guy I'm seeing now is really nice, open, honest, stable, doesn't play games, calls when he says he will, etc. Unfortunately, it looks like he's moving to California soon so there goes that! I have a hard time imagining I'll find another one like him. I'll probably wait a little while longer before I venture into the dating scene again.
Hope things are going well for you : )
Krysti
Posted by Krysti on November 7, 2002, at 21:35:41
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis » Krysti, posted by Mr Cushing on November 6, 2002, at 22:00:35
Gosh darnit! I started replying to this message and then it got lost!
Anyway, I wanted to let you know, it will get better. I am a lot better than I used to be. Once the anxiety is under control, it makes life a lot easier. I definitely don't feel as out of control as I used to. You sound like you are on the right track now which is the most important thing : )
Mainly what I struggle with now is I don't have the motivation I used to, but I am sure that will get better with time. I think I'm just so wrapped up in this bipolarness (is that a word?:) that it's consuming me. It's definitely the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me! I never ever thought anything like this could ever happen. To think people used to say I was predictable!
I've got to go to bed now, but thanks for the reply on this. It's nice to know that someone can relate and now you know, it does get better! I've actually even had a normal relationship for the first time in a long time. If I can do it, believe me so can you : )
Krysti
Posted by Paintmom on January 4, 2005, at 12:02:30
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis, posted by Krysti on November 6, 2002, at 20:22:42
> Hi Brandy,
>
> I responded to an earlier message of yours, but thought I’d respond again. It definitely sounds like you could have Bipolar Disorder II or Cyclothymia (which is just a milder form). The distinction between Bipolar I and II is with Bipolar I, you have had a manic episode which it doesn’t sound like you’ve had. I’m not in a position to diagnose you, which no one can except a psychiatrist, but it does sound similar to what I went through before I became diagnosed.
>
> I thought I’d tell you a little bit about my experience before I went on the Paxil and became manic. Before then, like you, I had started to wonder if it was Bipolar, but I just kept thinking my anxiety was causing it all.
>
> I guess the first thing I noticed was it seemed like my personality was changing. I would go through periods of time when I felt like I was on top of the world. I wanted to go out all the time, talk on the phone with anyone who would listen to me, felt like talking, talking, talking. Then, all of a sudden, I would go through a period of not wanting to do anything, not wanting to talk to anyone, life felt meaningless. I didn’t think I was depressed because inevitably I’d come back up again. Also, I didn’t have suicidal thoughts or anything, I just felt like if I died, I wouldn’t really care. There were times when I’d just lay on the couch all day and do absolutely nothing. Not even watch TV or anything. I always felt like I couldn’t shut my mind off. I started asking around and found out other people didn’t experience this. I also noticed my moods and feelings did not coincide with anything that was going on in my life. I think that was my biggest sign and what my friends noticed the most. I also have a lot of friends who have anxiety, yet they did not experience this. I would also have trouble sleeping because I felt like I could never shut off my mind. When I did fall asleep, if I woke up in the middle of the night, my mind would just start racing again. Another thing I noticed was I was having trouble thinking clearly. Especially, when I would start dating someone. I totally relied on my friends to tell me how I should be. I had no idea who I was anymore. I felt like I was out of control. I had no idea what I was going to do and say. A lot of times I would say things that were totally inappropriate. Like one time one of my friend’s grandfather died and I asked him if he had fun at the funeral (?).
>
> Then, I started having periods of euphoria. I’d feel like I was on drugs. One time at work, I walked outside and threw my hands up in the air and twirled around like Mary Poppins and said “Isn’t life wonderful!” This just wasn’t like me. I’d get so happy, I’d jump up and down and clap my hands. I think by this point, my boss did think I was on drugs.
>
> Sometimes, I’d get paranoid. Think every guy in the world wanted to get me into bed (I’m still not sure about that one – haha, just kidding). I remember telling my friend that one time and wow, did she think I was stuck on myself!
>
> I also understand what you were saying about the cleaning thing. I hate cleaning, but once I start, it all seems so overwhelming. There’s so much to clean!! I can’t just vacuum and dust like normal people, I start cleaning everything like crazy once I start. I just read the previous post where someone mentioned OCD. I've often wondered if I could have that somewhat too. I do tend to get obsessive about things (right now, being the bipolar disorder).
>
> By the way, you also mentioned a lack of motivation. Even though I feel like I have so much adrenaline going through my body, I don't know what to do with it, I also have a lack of motivation. I could put it to good use, but I usually don't.
>
> I would also get very irritable at times.
>
> Everyone’s experience is different. I know it is frustrating to try and figure it out especially when you are going through it. I’m actually glad I finally became fully manic and experienced the classic symptoms, it became so much clearer to me then. It made it much easier to see and accept. I will describe what that was like if you want me to, but it doesn’t seem like you’ve gotten that far so you probably wouldn’t be able to relate.
>
> The thing is that this can get worse if untreated, which is what happened with me. The first thing to do is to read as much as you can about it. See a psychiatrist and explain what you are going through. If this is what you have, there is medication for it. The most important one being a mood stabilizer. You won’t believe the difference it makes. There may be no cure, but getting on the right medications and feeling better makes all the difference in the world.
>
> I hope this helps.
>
> Krysti
>
>
>this is a really old post...but I related to it so well....so I wanted to hear what everyone else thinks...
I have all these things going on simultaneously too....feeling unmotivated....yet I can get obsessive about a particular thing ......not like OCD but it kind of feels like my mind almost needs something to hang it's hat on....it used to be worries...but not so much anymore...so thats good.
I also feel discombobulated and very ADDish...can't remember where I've put the change that the cashier just handed me....tons of stuff like that....
I also can get unexpectedly irritable....So since all you guys seem to know quite alot about the bipolar/cyclothymic topic....I wanted to know...do other people feel these symptoms as well.....
BTW...the Topamax is going well...I am please with it thus far....only at 25 mg...afraid for it to be raised.
Be well
PM
This is the end of the thread.
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