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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by harry b. on March 5, 2000, at 17:31:11
Hey guys,
Just got home from an 8 day stay at a p-hospital. I'm
exhausted right now so won't say much about it except
that I liked it, it was good for me, and I did not
really want to leave.Tomorrow I begin a few weeks of day treatment, 6hr per
day. Wish me the best, still need all the encouragement
I can get.Really zonked right now, so it's off to bed for me.
Posted by JanetR on March 5, 2000, at 17:43:48
In reply to released from the fun house, posted by harry b. on March 5, 2000, at 17:31:11
> Hey guys,
>
> Just got home from an 8 day stay at a p-hospital. I'm
> exhausted right now so won't say much about it except
> that I liked it, it was good for me, and I did not
> really want to leave.
>
> Tomorrow I begin a few weeks of day treatment, 6hr per
> day. Wish me the best, still need all the encouragement
> I can get.
>
> Really zonked right now, so it's off to bed for me.
>
Dear Harryb , Lovely to hear from you! Glad to hear that you liked it. BTW what did you do about your cat ? Take care Jan
Posted by AprilA. on March 5, 2000, at 18:42:14
In reply to released from the fun house, posted by harry b. on March 5, 2000, at 17:31:11
> Hey guys,
>
> Just got home from an 8 day stay at a p-hospital. I'm
> exhausted right now so won't say much about it except
> that I liked it, it was good for me, and I did not
> really want to leave.
>
> Tomorrow I begin a few weeks of day treatment, 6hr per
> day. Wish me the best, still need all the encouragement
> I can get.
>
> Really zonked right now, so it's off to bed for me.
>Hi Harry, I'm glad you're back. I was hoping that's where you were(as opposed of course to being somewhere worse). I'm glad you're going to day treatment for a while to solidify your gains and ease back into the real world. Get some rest and do tell us about the experience when you feel up to it. A.
Posted by sherry on March 5, 2000, at 18:45:12
In reply to Re: released from the fun house, posted by JanetR on March 5, 2000, at 17:43:48
I'm really glad to hear that it helped you. You have my best wishes, and know that I will be praying for you.
Sherry
Posted by Cindy W on March 5, 2000, at 19:33:10
In reply to Re: released from the fun house, posted by sherry on March 5, 2000, at 18:45:12
> I'm really glad to hear that it helped you. You have my best wishes, and know that I will be praying for you.
> Sherryharryb, glad to hear you got treatment and are doing better! Hope things go well for you.
Posted by Cass on March 5, 2000, at 23:29:56
In reply to Re: released from the fun house, posted by Cindy W on March 5, 2000, at 19:33:10
I'm so glad you had a good experience. Wishing you well. Cass
Posted by Janice on March 5, 2000, at 23:48:12
In reply to released from the fun house, posted by harry b. on March 5, 2000, at 17:31:11
harry b.
you just put a pretty serious smile on my face!
If I know cats, I bet that cat of yours was pretty pissed his rountine was disrupted (especially meals) and is pretty happy to see you again.I'm glad you enjoyed it. That definately means something.
keep us updated, Janice
Posted by ChrisK on March 6, 2000, at 6:31:51
In reply to released from the fun house, posted by harry b. on March 5, 2000, at 17:31:11
Congratulations Harry B. I know that stays in the hospital have helped me before. Glad you are back.
Posted by Noa on March 6, 2000, at 18:22:36
In reply to Re: released from the fun house, posted by ChrisK on March 6, 2000, at 6:31:51
Harry, I am so glad to hear from you. We were all hoping you had gone to the hospital. Keep us posted about your day treatment program.
Posted by CarolAnn on March 7, 2000, at 7:21:41
In reply to Re: released from the fun house, posted by Noa on March 6, 2000, at 18:22:36
Harry, I'm so glad the hospital was a positive experience. It's amazing, sometimes we patients really do know what we need better then our doctors do.
How did your cat do while you were gone? Obviously, you found someone to take care of him? I'll bet he missed you though. Good luck with your ongoing treatment. CarolAnn
Posted by harry b. on March 7, 2000, at 17:55:24
In reply to released from the fun house, posted by harry b. on March 5, 2000, at 17:31:11
Thanks for all the replies, I appreciate them.
I self admitted to a hospital with an excellant
reputation. I had to. The crying and obsessive
thoughts of suicide were overwhelming. Signing the
admittance papers was difficult. I was giving away
my freedom. But, I needed someone else to care for
me because I was no longer able to do it myself.When I was taken to the ward and the door was locked
behind me I rember thinking 'what the hell have I
gotten myself into ?'The first day I slept. Then I became resentful that
my belt, shoe laces, and razor had been taken from
me. I also felt humiliated that my bathroom door
was locked and I had to ask the staff to unlock
it each time I needed to use it.There is a level system. Patients who were deemed
psychotic or a danger to themselves or others were
classified a level 1 or 2 and were not permitted
to leave their rooms. Upon admitance I was a level
3. After one full day there I was increased
to level 4. My shoe laces & belt were returned and
my bathroom door was unlocked. I began to feel
more human.The ward had several huge skylights, several
comfortable seating areas, and is located in a
wooded, country setting.There were daily visits with a psychiatrist, and
sessions with a therapist every other day. Each
morning I was given a schedule of activities
(groups and classes) to attend. These were not
manditory but I decided to try to get as much out
of my stay as possible and attended a lot of the
sessions.On the third day the psychiatrist moved me to level
5. At that level I was permitted to leave the ward
and eat in the cafeteria, go along with staff on
walks outside the building, go to the snack machines
outside the ward, and go to the gym downstairs to
play some basketball or volleyball.On the ward we had a ping pong table, cards, a
relaxation room with big comfy chairs, books, a
stereo system with lots of CDs that were of a calming,
tranquil theme. We could reserve the room, lock it,
turn off the lights and relax.I found the groups and classes to be great. I
learned a lot, AND I felt very comfortable in
the setting. The staff were very caring people.
I made a few friends there. I've talked on the
phone twice with a great guy who was discharged
the same day I was. It's odd, other patients
were complaining about having to be there and
wanted to be discharged asap, I did not want to
be discharged. I felt safe there. I felt protected.
By my third day I was smiling and laughing more than
I ever had in the past 10 years. The doc had wanted
to discharge me after 4 days but I asked to stay
longer.If anyone needs to hospitalized and can travel to
south eastern Pa. I can provide the name & # of
this hospital.I am by no means cured, but I did gain some insights
and positivity. I am attending a day program
run by the same hospital, but at a facility that
is closer to my home. I won't make any judgements
about that program yet.I don't know how much of my treatment my insurance
is going to cover. Right now I can't worry about
it.My greatest fear is falling back into my isolation
again.As for my cat: It was 2am when I decided I HAD to
get to a hospital. I left her here, alone. I put
out enough food and water for a month, and 2 litter
boxes. When I got home most of the food and water
was still here. She is vying for attention constantly.
Actually, I think she may have saved my life. I was
sitting here at my puter crying and writing another
suicide letter. She kept leaping into my lap. I
pushed her away several times. Then she got onto
my lap again, stood on her hind legs and began
rubbing her face against mine. I finally began
petting her. I held her and cried and somehow
became aware that what I was planning was wrong.
At that point I told myself to get to a hospital.There's lots more I could tell you. If anyone has
specific questions, please ask.
Posted by bob on March 7, 2000, at 18:38:47
In reply to Re: released from the fun house, posted by harry b. on March 7, 2000, at 17:55:24
> As for my cat: ...
> Actually, I think she may have saved my life.Anyone else find it's kinda hard to be suicidal with a pet around?
I don't mean that you start feeling guilty about leaving them ... I mean how they seem to pick up your mood and just won't let you alone until you start showing them some love ...
'scuse me -- my german shepard is calling...
bob
Posted by Brenda on March 7, 2000, at 21:36:34
In reply to Re: released from the fun house, posted by bob on March 7, 2000, at 18:38:47
> > As for my cat: ...
> > Actually, I think she may have saved my life.
>
> Anyone else find it's kinda hard to be suicidal with a pet around?
>
> I don't mean that you start feeling guilty about leaving them ... I mean how they seem to pick up your mood and just won't let you alone until you start showing them some love ...
>
> 'scuse me -- my german shepard is calling...
> bobWe've got four dogs and two cats. The dogs will not leave me alone, especially if I'm crying. They look so scared - I have to stop and comfort them!
Posted by bob on March 8, 2000, at 19:08:58
In reply to Re: Bob - about the pets, posted by Brenda on March 7, 2000, at 21:36:34
> We've got four dogs and two cats. The dogs will not leave me alone, especially if I'm crying. They look so scared - I have to stop and comfort them!
Same with mine ... it's like, "Oh no! The pack leader's so upset, what the hell are WE going to do?! We're doomed!!"
My therapist's cats are the opposite ... whenever I'm really upset during a session, one or both invariably jump up on my stomach and insist on insinuating themselves somewhere comfortable, with any variety of gestures to force me to pet them. It's more like, "Oh? Can't take care of yourself right now? Well, take care of me ... you'll enjoy it. (Such a tough job I have ... [sigh!])
Harry, I'm glad yours let you in the door ... some of my friends' cats get pretty spiteful when they go away ... I would have been afraid to walk in the door!
cheers,
bob
Posted by bigbertha on March 8, 2000, at 23:38:06
In reply to Re: Bob - about the pets, posted by bob on March 8, 2000, at 19:08:58
Harry!
Been away so..
I just read your post regarding your most recent
sojourn into the unknown and I have to admit, I
was quite tearful - wonderful, ecstatic, releasing,
tears. It is an enormously courageous act to look
the "monster" square in the eye and "hock a lunger"
(one of my fav parts of Titannic!). All of which indicates
to me that you're made of sterner stuff than you
imagined. Well done! I wish you all the best as your
spirit leads you on to greater discoveries!
Take care and be free
bbPS - Regarding animal care for situations like this.
The animal shelter in my area does take in animals
on a temporary basis, when there is no one else to
care for them. I don't know if there is any fee, etc.
(minimal, I'm sure), so it might be worthwhile to
check your local HumaneSoc, etc. Also, ask your vet
I've found most to extend their compassion to people
as well as their pets and can be trusted with confidences
if informed as such. They may be able to help or know of
someone (usually staff) who are willing to foster care
your pet.
Posted by harry b. on March 9, 2000, at 17:31:26
In reply to To Harry: Who found it was only castles burning..., posted by bigbertha on March 8, 2000, at 23:38:06
When I was in the hospital I was feeling OK. I
actually smiled and laughed. I did not want to
leave though. I was afraid to be alone again. I
was afraid of falling back into despair.Well, it happened today. I did not go to my out-
patient program. I stayed in bed most of the day
and cried a lot. Why did I crash? I'm beginning to
feel hopeless again.The only people who know I was hospitalized are
my employer, my doc, and and the kind folks here
in Babble Land.I'll try to go to the program tomorrow. I have a
doc appt. there. Sorry for sharing the bad news.
Posted by Noa on March 9, 2000, at 18:54:31
In reply to Re: To Harry: Who found it was only castles burning..., posted by harry b. on March 9, 2000, at 17:31:26
Hey, Harry, maybe you didn't crash so much as stumble. Tomorrow, you can get up and go back. Don't necessarily take this one day as a reversal of all the gains you have made.
Can we help get you there tomorrow? An email reminder? A post here for you to read in the am?
Posted by bob on March 9, 2000, at 19:24:29
In reply to Re: To Harry: Who found it was only castles burning..., posted by Noa on March 9, 2000, at 18:54:31
We all have our setbacks now and again. Don't let it swell out of proportion. I know when I'm having a rough go but I need to be public and poised, I will have that one day when things need to unravel at the seams just a bit ... or a lot!
There's a line from a James Taylor song you should try appling here:
"Miss November, I detect a frown,
Close your eyes, and turn it upside down."... not the "Miss November" part, tho.
Give yourself this day as a gift. We all have days we want to just stay in bed and cry, so why is it such a bad thing? Turn it on its head, then get ready to move on tomorrow.
cheers (and I *do* mean it),
bob
Posted by CarolAnn on March 10, 2000, at 7:45:36
In reply to Re: To Harry: Who found it was only castles burning..., posted by harry b. on March 9, 2000, at 17:31:26
Harry, it's okay...you are allowed to have "bed" days, don't beat yourself up about it. The journey we are all on is, very often, a matter of "two steps forward and one step back". The trick, is to *not* get so obsessed about that "one step" that you stop moving at all.
I think that you were so much better in the hospital because you were with other people. You didn't have loneliness to increase your depression. One of the insidious things about depression is that it makes us isolate ourselves, right when we *most need* people around us. I wish that you had a close friend to confide in, so they could call everyday and assess your level of isolation and maybe help you find at least enough motivation to get to treatment. Do you feel that you could convince yourself to at least come to psycho-babble when you feel your worst? I would be very willing(and some others probably would too) to arrange a certain time of morning to be here. Touching base with people who care, might give you just enough of a boost to get to your program.
Think about that, and remember *all* of your feelings are valid, and you have a right to have them. You will get thru the hard times, because so many people are rooting for you! CarolAnn
Posted by Cindy W on March 10, 2000, at 9:00:21
In reply to Re: Harry, we are here for you..., posted by CarolAnn on March 10, 2000, at 7:45:36
> Harry, it's okay...you are allowed to have "bed" days, don't beat yourself up about it. The journey we are all on is, very often, a matter of "two steps forward and one step back". The trick, is to *not* get so obsessed about that "one step" that you stop moving at all.
> I think that you were so much better in the hospital because you were with other people. You didn't have loneliness to increase your depression. One of the insidious things about depression is that it makes us isolate ourselves, right when we *most need* people around us. I wish that you had a close friend to confide in, so they could call everyday and assess your level of isolation and maybe help you find at least enough motivation to get to treatment. Do you feel that you could convince yourself to at least come to psycho-babble when you feel your worst? I would be very willing(and some others probably would too) to arrange a certain time of morning to be here. Touching base with people who care, might give you just enough of a boost to get to your program.
> Think about that, and remember *all* of your feelings are valid, and you have a right to have them. You will get thru the hard times, because so many people are rooting for you! CarolAnnHarry, hope you can get out today. Sometimes, if you can just make yourself get up and out doing things, despite the depression, you will get so involved in real-life that you can even forget the sadness and pain for a while.Best wishes!--Cindy W
Posted by AprilA. on March 10, 2000, at 16:29:10
In reply to Re: To Harry: Who found it was only castles burning..., posted by harry b. on March 9, 2000, at 17:31:26
Hi harry, I hope you were able to get to the day program today. What's it like there? Is it like the hospital except you get to go home at night?
Have you made any plans for the weekend? Weekends are always hard for me even in the best of times. Hope you can post and let everyone know how you're doing. Good wishes A.
Posted by harry b. on March 10, 2000, at 18:02:39
In reply to Re: To Harry: Who found it was only castles burning..., posted by AprilA. on March 10, 2000, at 16:29:10
Hi folks-
Thanks for the support & encouragement, I appreciate
it! I feel like a cry baby. Hate to keep posting
my tales of woe.Anyway, I did go to the day program today. It is
not like the hospital. We have 2 group sessions,
am & pm, daily. I see my therapist for a one on
one session 2 or 3 times a week. I see the psychiatrist
once a week for meds.Good news. A patient I met in the hospital called me
last evening. He wants to get together over the
weekend, so we might go to a movie or go to dinner
or something. That brightens my outlook.Thanks all
This is the end of the thread.
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