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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by NikkiT2 on February 13, 2005, at 9:35:31
Hi all,
OK, where to start.
Firstly, I have withdrawn my resignation at work on the advice of my chief exec, but he really has no ideas of why I resigned, and I wasn't able to tell him.
The bullying at work is increasing. I wish, in a way, I could put this down to me being irrational.. But way too many people come up to me and mention it (with no prompting from me), and ask if she always treats me the way she does - this is the thing, she does it in front of everybody. She balls me out in front of everybody, for things that she has right to ball me out over.. She has a tendency to change her mind about how she wants me to do things, yet not tell me until I finish the task and then she balls me out over doing it incorrectly.. As an example, I ordered our chief exec a new phone 3 weeks ago - he had a very strict list of requirements and only two phones matched these. Unfortunately, both phones were out of stock. I told boss that I had ordered phone a. The phone company said it would take a week to come into stock. Then they said another week, and then another. After 3 weeks, phone b came into stock, so I said to send me that one. Boss balls me out in front of everyone as its taking so long for phone to arrive, so I explain (again) the situation, and that I have actually just ordered phone b as its now it stock. She blows up at me, telling me that I should have ordered phone b in first place, that she doesn't like phone a, and that I must be completely incompetant to even consider phone a (it was cheaper, and had a very cool part to it that I know chief exec would have loved).. Thats just one example, but it is happening atleast 6 times a day over various things. Every single thing I do, I do wrong it seems (though nealry always I haven't, she just has no understanding of IT stuff).. She accuses me of being un professional for having friendships outside of work with my colleagues (this is from the woman who went shopping at a sex shop in her lunchbreak and then got her vibrators out in the middle of the office to show everyone - inclduing in front of a very naive 21 year old male temp we had in)
This week she told me that she was "shocked" that my psychiatrist had written a report in support of me returning to work and doesn't understand how I passed my medical checks when joining.Oh.. the list in endless.. just a constant bash bash bash against all my self esteem I had been rebuilding. My panic attacks have returned, and I seem to spend half my life outside of work in tears because of having to see her the next day at work.
I'm losing concentration at work, and finding it harder and harder to cope with my workload (which is incredibly heavy too), and mistakes are now creeping in.
I'm at a loss to know what to do. I want to leave.. but then I adore nearly everyone else I work with, the location could hardly be more perfect, the building is an amazing building to work in.. But I don't know how much more I can take. I arrive in the morning, every day determined to make that day a better day, but by lunch time she has broken me down to desperate - every single day
I'm failing to see light at the end of this tunnel.. Oh, and she would write any reference for me were I to try and get another job!!!
I guess it just feels bleak at the moment *sighing*
Nikki x
Posted by judy1 on February 14, 2005, at 13:06:42
In reply to An update, posted by NikkiT2 on February 13, 2005, at 9:35:31
I'm really sorry that your work is bringing you so much anxiety. It's really difficult when it is one or two people who are the problem especially when you have so many other positives. But it only takes one... I guess you need to ask the question if this person will leave in the forseeable future and if not- are you willing to sacrifice your mental health to stay there. I don't know how things work in England?, but here some companies bring in a psychologist to try to smoothe things out. At least that is what they did at my last job, but unfortunately I still had to leave because I had a meltdown. What was interesting is that six months after I left the company fired the offending employees. But I have never regretted leaving. Have you written your options out? (there are always options).
take care, judy
Posted by Kath on February 14, 2005, at 16:31:24
In reply to An update, posted by NikkiT2 on February 13, 2005, at 9:35:31
Hi Nikki - I'm afraid my co-dependent self is just zooming to the forefront here!!!!
Nikki - you are dealing with someone who is exhibiting CLASSIC signs of BULLY behaviour. Usually, when bullys are "called on" their behaviour, they change their 'tack'. In order for her to change, she HAS TO be stood up to.
My husband, Craig, has dealt with LOTS of bullys in his organization & it has almost always worked that when he's stood up to them, they no longer bully him. Granted, it's hard when it's your boss, but guess what - you've got nothing to lose because you can't continue to have yourself worn down like this!!!! Why let her ruin this for you?
What is the worst thing that can happen? I suspect it's that you would get fired (sacked) and get a rotten reference letter from Witchy Bitchy. Option 2 - you quit & get a rotten reference letter. Not much difference & if you try to change things, at least there's a chance they will change (a pretty BIG chance, I'd say).
OK. WELL....your Chief Exec does NOT want you to quit, right?
OK - here are some thoughts or actions to consider:
Write a confidential letter to the Chief Exec (possibly with a copy to the Personell Dept or Human Resources) explaining your situation - that you love the job, etc, etc, but are finding it increasingly difficult to work because of the situation with W.B. - then give a few numbered examples (with all the gory details). Include the fact that numerous individuals have approached you on their own to ask if W.B. always treats you like that, etc. You could say that you hesitate to write this letter, but unless the situation changes, you will be unable to continue working there. I STRONGLY suspect that something will happen.
At that point, you might want to write that in order to stay, you will be pointing out to W.B. that from this point forward, you need to be spoken to and treated with respect. [Keep in mind that you feel like leaving anyway & cannot continue to go on as things are].
If you do decide to "call" W.B. on her behaviour, you can expect that she might attack you in return. You might want to say at the beginning of the conversation, something like:
"I want you to know that I have sent a memo to the Chief Exec & Human Resources Dept of this organization and have let them know that I'll be having this conversation with you. I need to tell you that from now on, I need to be spoken to & treated with respect. If you have a problem with my work, I need you to discuss it with me ALONE. I will no longer accept having you criticize me in front of others." You could add, "I will be keeping you up-to-date on the work I'm doing so that it will be clear as to my plans for dealing with my duties." or something like that, so she can't do change-arounds on you. Craig's boss used to do that all the time. If you've a copy of your outline of planned actions & they've received a copy of it, it's harder for them to accuse you of doing stuff wrong.In case your mind is saying "but.....but" - you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. Bullys try to make the people they're bullying feel WRONG.
I hope you consider this Nik. You deserve to be able to work at this job, where you enjoy the work & most of the people.
Know this: she has no right to bawl you out in front of others.
-she has no right to comment on your life outside work-hours unless there is some sort of conflict-of-interest. (Sounds like the conflice here is that she's jealous of you.)I send my mucho love, Nikki.
You Go Girl
> Hi all,
>
> OK, where to start.
>
> Firstly, I have withdrawn my resignation at work on the advice of my chief exec, but he really has no ideas of why I resigned, and I wasn't able to tell him.
>
> The bullying at work is increasing. I wish, in a way, I could put this down to me being irrational.. But way too many people come up to me and mention it (with no prompting from me), and ask if she always treats me the way she does - this is the thing, she does it in front of everybody. She balls me out in front of everybody, for things that she has right to ball me out over.. She has a tendency to change her mind about how she wants me to do things, yet not tell me until I finish the task and then she balls me out over doing it incorrectly.. As an example, I ordered our chief exec a new phone 3 weeks ago - he had a very strict list of requirements and only two phones matched these. Unfortunately, both phones were out of stock. I told boss that I had ordered phone a. The phone company said it would take a week to come into stock. Then they said another week, and then another. After 3 weeks, phone b came into stock, so I said to send me that one. Boss balls me out in front of everyone as its taking so long for phone to arrive, so I explain (again) the situation, and that I have actually just ordered phone b as its now it stock. She blows up at me, telling me that I should have ordered phone b in first place, that she doesn't like phone a, and that I must be completely incompetant to even consider phone a (it was cheaper, and had a very cool part to it that I know chief exec would have loved).. Thats just one example, but it is happening atleast 6 times a day over various things. Every single thing I do, I do wrong it seems (though nealry always I haven't, she just has no understanding of IT stuff).. She accuses me of being un professional for having friendships outside of work with my colleagues (this is from the woman who went shopping at a sex shop in her lunchbreak and then got her vibrators out in the middle of the office to show everyone - inclduing in front of a very naive 21 year old male temp we had in)
> This week she told me that she was "shocked" that my psychiatrist had written a report in support of me returning to work and doesn't understand how I passed my medical checks when joining.
>
> Oh.. the list in endless.. just a constant bash bash bash against all my self esteem I had been rebuilding. My panic attacks have returned, and I seem to spend half my life outside of work in tears because of having to see her the next day at work.
>
> I'm losing concentration at work, and finding it harder and harder to cope with my workload (which is incredibly heavy too), and mistakes are now creeping in.
>
> I'm at a loss to know what to do. I want to leave.. but then I adore nearly everyone else I work with, the location could hardly be more perfect, the building is an amazing building to work in.. But I don't know how much more I can take. I arrive in the morning, every day determined to make that day a better day, but by lunch time she has broken me down to desperate - every single day
>
> I'm failing to see light at the end of this tunnel.. Oh, and she would write any reference for me were I to try and get another job!!!
>
> I guess it just feels bleak at the moment *sighing*
>
> Nikki x
This is the end of the thread.
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