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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on May 28, 2004, at 12:25:14
Please forgive me, I feel as if I'm using this board as my own private wailing wall, but right now I'm thinking I need to become a comedian -- my timing is so accurate.
My uncle collapsed the other day, was airlifted to a major hospital for emergency surgical repair of an aortic aneurism, and my aunt (his sister) is staying with me unexpectedly. Now, there's a lot of history here, that adds to the psychic pressures, and my mother is out of town. Mother, of course, won't protect me, but providing a buffer for her, and emotional support to her, helps get me through these things while they're happening. (Of course, afterwards, I collapse, but that's a different story -- and happens without the added pressure of having an audience for my meltdowns.) You all know that I'm a little vulnerable right now (<< how's that for an understatement? lol) Can you imagine how I'm reacting right now? Remember, the aunt staying with me is the one who knows that the right answer is why haven't I gotten over it all by now, and why don't I get over this idea that I am depressed when I won't say what I'm depressed about?
Since the Provigil is just sort of providing a maintenance level of reduced agitation, without any noticeable energy increase, it should get me through the next couple of days if I can avoid any additional pressures. The problem is that there are additional pressures. And those specific "additional pressures" -- my aunt and other family members -- require that I hide my current condition as well as I can.
{{wail}} I want to go home now! The only problem is, I'm already there. I am ready to wake up now, except that this really is my life. Damn. I hate it when it happens this way.
Thanks for listening.
Posted by tina on May 29, 2004, at 13:14:36
In reply to I *will* get through this -- but how?, posted by Racer on May 28, 2004, at 12:25:14
sorry to hear so much is piled up on you Racer. I wish I could do something to help. Taking care of you is important and I'm glad you can come here for support.
(((hugs)))
I wish it was more.
take care
tina
Posted by shar on May 29, 2004, at 20:52:07
In reply to I *will* get through this -- but how?, posted by Racer on May 28, 2004, at 12:25:14
> {{wail}} I want to go home now! The only problem is, I'm already there. I am ready to wake up now, except that this really is my life.
Wow, do I hear that! Sometimes life just is not good, period. Trying to do all the family stuff externally, when internally you are totally stressed...well, it just sucks.
I guess the best I can do is send you warm thoughts and wishes, and tell you "I'm with you" during this especially crappy time.
Shar
Posted by Racer on May 30, 2004, at 9:37:42
In reply to Re: I *will* get through this -- but how? » Racer, posted by shar on May 29, 2004, at 20:52:07
LOL I wish I could just solve this that way, Shar.
My husband, who is bucking for sainthood, is really and truly being a rock for me. He's being so good to me. Last night, when my aunt was complaining that she wanted to watch Resevoir Dogs on Bravo, he told her, "No way could Racer watch that -- it's way too violent, and she'd have nightmares for days." She still got pissy -- "but it's a really good movie and it's got Harvey Keitel" -- but he stood his ground. He's done a lot of other things, too, but that's an example. Since he's one of those who really wants to accommodate others no matter what his own feelings, that was a tremendous sign of how supportive he's being in every way he can.
There was an "incident" yesterday, with the other family members -- in fact, with the one who caused the estrangement in the first place, starting 32 years ago. That sent me over the edge (see my other post), but I'm a little calmer now. (Xanax to sleep last night -- better living through chemistry. First good night's sleep in weeks, but I'm still groggy now.)
Thanks SharCat. Maybe we can connect emailically later, once my auntie leaves.
This is the end of the thread.
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