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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by finelinebob on May 8, 2004, at 0:45:49
Ok -- if this actually posts, I'll put something a little more meaningful in a response to this thread ... I haven't heard yet from Dr. Bob if he's ok'd this pseudo for the list. Been a long time ... first appeared as Bob (not Dr.), the second Bob on the list, then as Bobb.
Hmmm ... time to hit the submit button....
Posted by finelinebob on May 8, 2004, at 1:44:40
In reply to The Prodigal Bob returns...., posted by finelinebob on May 8, 2004, at 0:45:49
HEY!!! I'm in! Yo to Racer, Phil and everyone else as well. Pardon me if I don't remember all y'all ... I think I read somewhere recently that klonopin can wipe your memory or something ... at least, that's MY excuse ;^)
Noa, I have to apologize. From April to December of last year, I was living in Leesburg, VA, just west of Dulles. I shoulda called, but I didn't.
What have I been up to? Let me start back when it matters, since I don't know when I last filled you in.
On September 11th, I was in the subway beneath the WTC when the second plane hit. I got out onto the street a few blocks away .. I used to work three blocks from the Trade Center. I took a bunch of pictures, started walking away looking for a place where I could get a cell phone connection, and saw the towers fall from about a mile away. I made a web page about my day, heard sirens in my head for days, lost my job from the economic fallout ten days later and haven't had a fulltime job since.
My web page made quite a splash, tho. Besides tons of visitors from all around the world: (1) my site was archived by the Library of Congress as part of the historic record, (2) the National Bureau of Standards used my photos in their investigation of how the fires caused the towers to collapse, and (3) the Smithsonian's American History Museum incorporated my site into their memorial exhibit about 9/11. If you haven't seen it: http://wtc.thefineline.org/
A month before, Leyna was born. A month after, I got to take her home. Spoiled b!tch ... well, she **is** a female dog. German Shepherd. Now 80 pounds, and a dx of GAD. Tries to crawl into my lap whenever she gets scared. She's had me as a stay-home daddy almost all of her life, tho, so I don't know what she'll do should I find gainful employment anytime soon! She's too precious for words, so I'll stop there.
Severe PTSD after 9/11, which led me to discover acupuncture. Wonderful stuff. As soon as I can afford it, I'm getting back into it. Other than that, I had enough support through part time work, disaster relief and unemployment to survive NYC until last April, when my lease ran out.
Moved to VA to live with a brother and look for web work in DC. Almost landed a job with the Post -- being 3rd out of 100+ applications was worth a warm fuzzy feeling, but that was all. Otherwise, not much work in my field without a security clearance. Of course, you can't get one on your own ... you have to work for a company that can sponsor you. But then again, companies in that position don't want you unless you already have one. Catch-22.
Had to move out in December, so now I'm back "home" in Michigan, living in my parents' basement. No work whatsoever since November of 2002, no more unemployment since September 03, no money for meds ... I've been enjoying a rather thorough meltdown since I arrived in Michigan.
I should be miserable, but I'm not. =^)
Leyna has a lot to do with that. SBC unlimited long distance and pro bono phone therapy with my T out in NYC does, too. The September 11th Fund paying for my meds and office visits ... so if you or anyone you know donated, thanks from someone still benefitting! Being off my meds for five months, after being on essentially the same cocktail for five years, was an eye-opener. Thankfully, the nortrip works as well, maybe better, than I recall. My pdoc here in MI hasn't even suggested starting on ritalin yet, but I'm still titrating up on the nortrip. As for the klonopin -- another "as needed" prescription. I had to ask him what that means, when I have physiological manifestations of my anxiety 24/7. He said use it for "anticipatory anxiety" for now and do my best to manage the rest without meds. Given how well klonopin works for me, even after 1mg/d for five years straight (can you say "habituation"? I sure as hell canNOT ;^). Getting back on meds definitely stopped the meltdown, tho.
Right before I did, tho, my T said something to me I was terrified of admitting myself. She said, "You must feel like your life is over." I'm 42, jobless and prospectless (I'm in MI, after all), and living in my parents' basement off their retirement funds. On September 10th, 2001 I had my life pulled together better than any other time in life. And I lost all of it. So its not like I wanted to kill myself -- it's just that my life was over.
What do you do when your life is over halfway through the game? (me, off meds)
That's easy -- start a new one! (me, on meds)So, I'm taking a real estate course. Community ed. Twice a week for five weeks, four hours per class, state mandated curriculum. Class of about 15 students. We just had our midterm and, naturally, I had the highest score in class. Come May 20th, I'll pass the final. I can take the state licensing exam on Friday the 21st. Get a broker to sponsor me and I could be selling homes by May 24th.
I figure if I'm going to start a new life, then I need to break with the past. No teaching, no web design or programming. (Yeah right, we'll see how good I stick to that!) But I did the numbers: if I can list one customer's $250k house and help them buy a similar house, I gross 6% of that $250k. If I pull off ONE of those deals every THREE MONTHS, I can make as much money as I ever have in any of my other salaried jobs.
Is that sick, or what?
I think I can work a little harder than that. If I can manage one deal like that per month, next spring I'll be debt-free with enough cash in the bank to head back to NYC, take a month to get my license there, and then start selling Manahattan real estate at their rather outrageous property values and exorbitant fees.
So, after 30 months of doom and gloom, I now appear to be the man with the plan!
well, that's the long and the short of it. good to be back.....
Posted by allisonm on May 8, 2004, at 8:57:30
In reply to The Prodigal Bob returns...., posted by finelinebob on May 8, 2004, at 0:45:49
Wow! I was just thinking about you the other day. You probably don't remember me, but I'm glad that you came back. I am really sorry for all of the hell you've ben through, but am so glad you have found a way to turn things around. I have been feeling sorry for myself for some time. My situation pales in comparison. It's a great comfort to hear from you as well as an inspiration.
Thank you.Allison
Posted by noa on May 8, 2004, at 17:21:40
In reply to The Prodigal Bob returns...., posted by finelinebob on May 8, 2004, at 0:45:49
Hi, Bob. Wow. Last I heard from you was when your photos were on exhibit and all, and I heard you on the radio!
I had no idea things were spiralling downward so badly.
You do sound like you have a plan--you're a trooper, that is for sure.
I hope things start looking up for you. It's nice to see you here anyway. Your wit and wisdom is something we all could benefit from.
PS, I didn't know you were registered as Bobb at any time!!! Wasn't that the name.......
Posted by finelinebob on May 8, 2004, at 17:24:46
In reply to Re: The Prodigal Bob returns.... » finelinebob, posted by noa on May 8, 2004, at 17:21:40
Hmmm ... can't remember if I was Bobb ... you know, maybe I wasn't -- now that you mention it, I remember a pai-, er, well, I think you're right.
I just remember a restart of Babble at some time -- I think Dr. Bob was switching to a new version of the script that runs it -- and I thought I had to change my name. Maybe it was just from "Bob (not Dr.)" to "Bob" .... too long ago to remember!
flb
Posted by noa on May 8, 2004, at 18:30:49
In reply to Re: The Prodigal Bob returns...., posted by finelinebob on May 8, 2004, at 17:24:46
Did a bit o' research.....
Bob
Bob (not Dr.)
Bob (not Dr. ;^)
Bob (just Bob)
Bob (not Dr., but ABD)
Bob (vote early, vote often)
Bob (still not Dr.)
Bob (...)For a short time in 99---all you!! Makes me laugh. Back in the days of easy aliases at PB.
Also reminds me that I started on this board around the same time as you, I think. (Unless you went by some OTHER name before that).
Posted by Phil on May 8, 2004, at 22:24:21
In reply to The Prodigal Bob returns...., posted by finelinebob on May 8, 2004, at 0:45:49
...shoot, Bob(not Dr.)is back! Bunker Bob! This makes my day. Bob, I wanted to say hi now I need to read your post. I'm speechless but very happy to hear from you. A lot of people here have missed you tremendously.
Phil
Posted by Phil on May 8, 2004, at 22:42:42
In reply to Yo Noa!! (long, lonnnnng post), posted by finelinebob on May 8, 2004, at 1:44:40
Just read your post and am incredibly proud of you, Bob. I remember you telling me about your pictures and vantage point, etc. Incredible.
Good to see you here, I mean it. Sorry for your low spots but that's the rules with this disease.
The important thing is you're here and moving back up.Peace, bro
Posted by finelinebob on May 9, 2004, at 0:57:44
In reply to Re: I'll be dipped in..., posted by Phil on May 8, 2004, at 22:24:21
Bunker Bob =^)
Funny thing is that I pretty much have a physical bunker, living in the basement. But I always appreciated learning that metaphor from you, Phil -- good to hear from you!
flb
Posted by finelinebob on May 9, 2004, at 4:28:25
In reply to Re: The Prodigal Bob returns...., posted by allisonm on May 8, 2004, at 8:57:30
I **do** remember you, allisonm -- one of my best friends is a double-L allison, too, so I never forget a double-L allison =^)
And don't demean your own situation! I wasn't in the Trade Center. At the time, I didn't know anyone who died. I didn't have any friends or family members directly involved. Hundreds of thousands of New Yorkers were in the same boat as me, but estimates of New Yorkers suffering from PTSD after 9/11 was put at at least 500,000. So, how do we all justify being traumatized when we had no "personal stake" in it?
It was sooooooooo hard to allow myself to have a right to that trauma. Seven months later, I got some freelance web work with an advertising firm. The first job I worked was for Cantor Fitzgerald. They are a stock trading firm that had offices on floors 103-105 of the south tower. They had 1300 employees worldwide -- they lost more than 700 people that day. My project manager on that job was at their offices regularly, and he knew a couple dozen people there. I got to develop the memorial site that allowed people to view QuickTime movies of eight CF employees telling stories about the friends they lost that day.
But pain is pain. Seeing those people who basically lost the colleague that sat on their left and the one that sat on their right talking about how they had to carry on with the work their friends felt so strongly about was inspiring. Seeing my PM take a week off to be a counselor at a summer camp for kids of CF employees that died, that was inspiring. But whether any of those folks had a "right" to any "more" pain, or whether they had a more "valid" claim to it -- well, that doesn't make my own pain any less intense or less valid. No matter how much I tell myself so.
I guess what makes them inspiring is not that they had more pain or a better claim on it. They owned their pain, it didn't own them.
So, I'm glad to be an inspiration ... =^)
flb
Posted by Phil on May 9, 2004, at 7:24:55
In reply to Yo Noa!! (long, lonnnnng post), posted by finelinebob on May 8, 2004, at 1:44:40
Bob, I had not seen your site and the incredible photos. I can only imagine what you heard. Thanks for sharing it with us. What a bloody awful time that was and still is for so many people.
After 20 years of being treated for depression, I had, for lack of a better word, a nervous breakdown at work three months ago. Went straight to my pdocs office crying because my brain just seemed to stop functioning.
I was DX'ed bipolar 2 and PTSD from growing up in a emotionally abusive alcoholic household where nothing was as it appeared.
I'm taking Symbyax and K. After 2 days on Symbyax, I felt more like myself than ever before.
Kind of makes one angry that none of my shrinks over the years picked up on it. Oh well, just 2 decades of 60% functionality.
I'm not Lilly's biggest fan but Zyprexa is a miracle drug for me. I said I'd never take AP's but I'm grateful my doctor prescibed it. I'm broke as the ten commandments but I'm well.
Just wanted to share a little bit of my journey with you.Phil
Posted by NikkiT2 on May 9, 2004, at 9:55:16
In reply to Re: The Prodigal Bob returns.... » allisonm, posted by finelinebob on May 9, 2004, at 4:28:25
Hey.. its always good to see an "old" name return.. Its amazing how time flies.
And I am so sorry about the 9/11 stuff.. I have a friend who was also downtown that day who is suffering badly.. and can't afford the meds she needs, so I may suggest the fund you mentioned to her.. thankyou.
You have EVERY right to your feelings. I wasn't even in US and still get heavily affected by it.. WTC was a very special place for my husband and me.. it was at the top of there, watching the sunset that we decided we would get married that year.. When I flew back from Canada via Newark, and saw the sky line for first time since then, I broke down on the plane crying. But everyone understood.. it was amazing.
Us oldies are good peopple!!
Nikki x
Posted by finelinebob on May 9, 2004, at 12:16:03
In reply to Re: The Prodigal Bob returns.... » finelinebob, posted by NikkiT2 on May 9, 2004, at 9:55:16
I used to love flying into Newark just to see that skyline. Now, I fly in through La Guardia.
Give your friend this URL: http://www.9-11mentalhealth.org/ . If she qualifies for the program, she can get $3000 of support retroactive to 9/11/2001. It's a lifetime benefit, so there's no rush to spend it.
Your story reminds me of an idea I had -- I wish I could have acted on it. I wanted to ask people visiting my site to send me pictures and stories of working at the Trade Center or of spending part of a vacation there, and then put together a picture book of the good memories people had. There were so many books and videos released of the tragedy ... it would be nice to have something better.
Posted by NikkiT2 on May 9, 2004, at 14:06:54
In reply to Re: The Prodigal Bob returns.... » NikkiT2, posted by finelinebob on May 9, 2004, at 12:16:03
Peoples memories and photos would be a wonderful idea. I'm not sure where mine are anymore, but I'm pretty sure I could find them (they were digital).. I remember lying on my back on a stone bench beneath the two towers to take a photo, and hitting the zoom (I'd never used a zoom camera before!!) and it was such a bizarre feeling to suddenly feel like I was flying up in the air!!
Its a place that will always be held special in mine and my husbands hearts.. It was a magical experience to be there for us, and incredibly romantic too *grins*Thanks for the link, I will certainly pass it on.
And I've been reading through your site. Wow.. its an amazing account and thankyou for sharing it.
Nikki x
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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