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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on July 8, 2003, at 2:25:51
zenhussy is right. Life does take more than one person, and I'm all alone in it. That's the problem, isn't it? My husband is upset with me, because he's "trying so hard" right now. Why am I so selfish? It's not enough! We went up to take my mother shopping today. She can't deal with my depression, so it's just "she's not feeling well".
I am alone, and I can't stand that. My lover is dead, and no one will ever want to touch me again. I'm 39 years old, and I want to be touched, held, loved. I don't want to live for years and years to come with no one wanting me. My husband doesn't want me, he only wants what I do for him.
He's angry with me right now. He wants it to be as simple as "I just didn't realize..." It's not. What did he think I was saying when I told him about our problems? NOW he thinks that going to a therapy appointment he made will fix everything. I don't know if I'll be there. I'm drinking beer to build up courage to leave tonight. I'm sorry. There's just too much wrong now. I don't know if I'll find the courage in the bottle or not, but if I do, please don't feel any guilt. You guys have been so generous over the years. Thank you.
Posted by Rach on July 8, 2003, at 5:15:37
In reply to Scared and alone..., posted by Racer on July 8, 2003, at 2:25:51
I know we haven't really 'spoken' a lot to each other, but I needed to reply with something because nobody else has seen this yet.
I have no capacity to understand what it is you are going through, but I do know that overwhelming need to get away from it all, to be absent from the hell that is your own life. I am so sorry that you are feeling this. I know that anything I say is probably beside the point and everything that you already know, but I think you are worth the effort in trying to find something meaningful and helpful to say.
Don't do it. You are special. Your horses are a testament to that. Animals instinctively know those people who are worthwhile. Please, just hang in for a little longer. There are people, even on the other side of the world, who are sending you their best hopes and who wish they could be sitting beside you, arms around you, patting your back, smoothing your hair, and telling you 'It's going to be alright.'
Take care honey.
Posted by NikkiT2 on July 8, 2003, at 10:40:05
In reply to Scared and alone..., posted by Racer on July 8, 2003, at 2:25:51
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this Racer.. and Im sorry I haven;t replied before, but I just couldn't find the words that I thought would help.
I know it all feels so tough right now, but these worst times do pass. I have been so so suicidal in the past, but today when I am not, I am thankful that I have pushed my way through and stayed alive.
Try and just live one little bit by one little bit.. just work by each hour or even minute.
I wish we could take your pain away
Nikki xx
Posted by judy1 on July 8, 2003, at 12:01:55
In reply to Scared and alone..., posted by Racer on July 8, 2003, at 2:25:51
You're not alone Racer- you have many people here on the board who genuinely care about you. And while it may not seem like your husband does right now, if he suggested a therapist- he most certainly does care about your welfare. Like Nikki, I have been where you are. And drinking really makes things worse (been there too), it makes you confused and even more depressed. I don't know if you need to be somewhere where you can be safe, I have had to on occasion- and my suicidal feelings ALWAYS passed. Will you please try going to the therapy appt.? and let us know how it went?
take care, judy
Posted by Racer on July 8, 2003, at 21:24:09
In reply to Scared and alone..., posted by Racer on July 8, 2003, at 2:25:51
I'm still here. We went to the first counseling session today. I liked the counselor, think she'll be good for us. I don't know if I'll be able to see it through, the way I'm feeling right now, though. I don't know.
Thanks to everyone here.
Posted by noa on July 8, 2003, at 22:22:20
In reply to Re: Musta got a cowardly bottle..., posted by Racer on July 8, 2003, at 21:24:09
Thank you for taking that step, Racer. I know it must have been hard to do. It means so much to me that you did reach out for help.
You were here on babble when I first started and mean a lot to me.
This is the end of the thread.
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