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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by allisonm on June 16, 2003, at 20:02:59
Hi all. Sorry to bother with what might be a long post.
I will start from the start. A woman I will call Jennifer (not her real name) went to work at my dad's business when she was a teenager. He taught her all about motor repair that the business did. She did this for a number of years, but then became interested in running other parts of the business. She did expand somewhat into other areas (it is only a 3 or 4-person business). this woman has always held a grudge against me ever since we were children because I am an only child and she is one of 3. She complained that I was spoiled. My parents were divorced when I was 3. Jennifer's mom died in her teen years. Her father was a brutal man and chased her out of her house. She slept in a car she bought as a teen for a time, but also sometimes was allowed to sleep at her sisters' places. Jennifer has a prickly personality. She had her favorite customers and her unfavorite ones. The unfavored were not treated well. Nor did she treat my dad well ... yelling (shoting) at him in front of customers, etc... But he would take it.
She would quit at least once a year, but always came back.... there is more to this. Anyway, a few years ago, my dad, who had been badgering me to go into the family business for years and yuears, finally convinced me. I started. She immediately felt threatened because he gave me some of her former duties. It all was a disaster. She sabotaged my projects as much as she could, badmouthed me, etc. there were screaming matches over really stupid things such as whether she could paint faster than I could and certainly I couldn't because I was sitting on a 5 gal. bucket because I was lazy.... etc. real irrational stuff. but when you are surrounded by it, it becomes real. Hard to explain.
Anyway, she walked out. I told my dad "she's not coming back." but he hired her back, so I quit and was out of work for about 4 months. Then got a very good job... that was in the mid-1990s.
Jennifer has since quit and had 3 baby girls - two by a former boyfriend and one by another, which has always been a secret. She works part time and does odd jobs. And probably gets child support. Well, my cousin and I have seriously been considering getting into my dad's business. He's 76 and is tired and it's too much work for him to keep up with. Plus he keeps the place chronically understaffed, which is frustrating, but he doesn't like to spend money.
So my cousin and I have been talking for about 3 years now about how to go about this (with my father's blessings, etc.) Nothing has happened yet, but plans are under way to expand the business substantially so that it could support both my cousin and me.
Yesterday,. on father's day, I found out that Jennifer's youngest girl is my dad's daughter. He called it a "slight indiscretion." He says that nothing has changed between he and I and that he still loves me very much. (Well of course, he wants to see his business legacy continue.) I am hurting. I have nothing else to say. I just hurt inside. Ativan makes me spaced out, but if I don't take it, I find myself weepy and anxious.
My dad has been trying to contact me. I am avoiding him, but know something has to happen eventually. I don't know what to do.
Alli
Posted by shar on June 17, 2003, at 0:43:54
In reply to need some feedback. don't know if I'm feeling sane, posted by allisonm on June 16, 2003, at 20:02:59
First of all, if you have to ask, you're probably still sane.
Secondly, that is high drama, and I mean high! What you describe as your reactions seem extremely reasonable to me in a situation that would probably make most people 'go off' on some sort of spree.
So, I think you are fine. Taking a little break is probably a good idea, sort things out, find out how this affects you (ramifications), etc. But, be sure to keep your own boundaries and goals firmly in mind.
Wowee! What a giant hassle!
Shar
Posted by Greg on June 17, 2003, at 8:01:47
In reply to need some feedback. don't know if I'm feeling sane, posted by allisonm on June 16, 2003, at 20:02:59
Alli,
I don't think your sanity is at question here. You probably are feeling hurt and betrayed along with a range of other emotions, but you don't need to question your sanity here.
I had some comments about your Dad, but they really had no relevance on this conversation, so I'll pass. But what I do want to say is that I think you are doing the right thing by putting some distance between you and him. You need time to work this out in your mind and decide how you want to move forward. This may take some time, he'll have to live with that. The time will come soon enough when the two of you confront each other again, but at least you will have had the time to work out what you want to say.
Just my opinion, for what it's worth.
Love ya Allipoo,
Greg
Posted by tina on June 17, 2003, at 15:08:21
In reply to Re: need some feedback. don't know if I'm feeling sane » allisonm, posted by Greg on June 17, 2003, at 8:01:47
Ditto to what Greg and Shar said Alli. You're defintely sane.
YOur emotions are normal and expected. They will be a little jumbled for awhile so distance is a good thing until you're ready to deal with it.
Whew, what a bomb to drop. I can only imagine what is going through your mind.
all I can do is send you lots of love
Tina
Posted by noa on June 18, 2003, at 17:18:40
In reply to Re: need some feedback. don't know if I'm feeling sane, posted by tina on June 17, 2003, at 15:08:21
Yes, you are sane, and I agree-wow. This is high drama and would come as a shock to many people in same situation.
Take a break, take the ativan (not too much, but enough so you aren't feeling like you are going to burst out of your skin), and just take care of yourself.
Glad you felt you could come here for support.
Yikes--this is a big one and you are certainly not crazy to be having a big reaction.
Posted by allisonm on June 20, 2003, at 18:32:12
In reply to Re: need some feedback. don't know if I'm feeling sane, posted by noa on June 18, 2003, at 17:18:40
This is the end of the thread.
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