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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by stjames on February 7, 2003, at 17:36:18
I could really use some trusted folks opinion here. I arranged for a "good" friend, who does
computer hardware work to sell $30 worth of hardware to another friend. I brought the money over a week ago and the second friend was to pick the hardware up the next day. Instead the money
was spent on whatever and the first friend has been avoiding my second friend all week. Last night the second friend arranged the meet the first friend to work this out and I was asked to come along. The first friend never showed.Giving this consideration, I could not help feeling that if my "good" friend would do this to one of my friends, sooner or later I was going to get screwed, too. I do not hang with people who take advantage of other people.
Since this was not the first time I have had issues with this person, a made the painful choice to go over a lunch and collect a book and some other stuff I had lent my "good" friend and end our friendship. I was as nice as possible,
and kept it to "I do not like the way you treated my friend and suspect if you will treat people this way at some point you will treat me this way, so I have to end my friendship with you."I know for a fact this person had the money to pay off the debt, but spent it on pot, instead.
This leaves me in the middle.However, I really enyoy hanging with this person, they are the only technical minded person I know as a friend, so it was nice to have someone to take tech with.
I am very torn on this whole issue, I cannot have friends that steal from my friends but I really will miss this person. Please give me your thoughts here.
Posted by stjames on February 7, 2003, at 17:42:01
In reply to Did I do the right thing ?, posted by stjames on February 7, 2003, at 17:36:18
Forgot one thing, seems that ending my friendship
is going the get my other friend paid !
Posted by coral on February 8, 2003, at 2:29:51
In reply to Did I do the right thing ?, posted by stjames on February 7, 2003, at 17:36:18
Dear St James:
It seems to me that the question is whether the friend "takes advantage" at any opportunity or only in certain areas, such as money.
Also, if your friend has learned his lesson about what boundaries are important to you, s/he may be more respectful of them in the future.
Coral
Posted by noa on February 8, 2003, at 11:42:06
In reply to Re: Did I do the right thing ?, posted by coral on February 8, 2003, at 2:29:51
James, the fried that got "stiffed" never received the money or the hardware? I'm confused. And then who ended up paying whom?
Sorry--but I got a little confused.
Posted by noa on February 8, 2003, at 11:42:44
In reply to Re: Did I do the right thing ?, posted by noa on February 8, 2003, at 11:42:06
Whatever the outcome, it seemed like a courageous thing to do--take a stand, which most people never get up the gumption to do.
Posted by shar on February 9, 2003, at 1:40:42
In reply to Re: Did I do the right thing ? PS, posted by noa on February 8, 2003, at 11:42:44
Well, you certainly did not do anything wrong! It is important, if you are going to trust someone, that they should be trustworthy.
There is no reason, necessarily, that you cannot,if you want, renew your friendship with this person. If a discussion of what went down occurred, and your friend gave satisfactory responses (ie, apologized, or acknowledged that they did wrong, and/or said it would not happen again), if might be worth a reconciliation.
But, you said this was not the first time. So, it might be that a clean break is the best thing. It's really a matter, IMHO, of weighing the pros and cons, and reflecting about what you want. For example, you might be able to have a friendship that includes discussing tech issues but does not include trusting him or her with money.
There's no right or wrong, and you didn't do anything that seems way harsh or something. But, it sounds like you might want to continue some type of relationship with this person.
Good luck.
Shar
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