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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Noa on January 3, 2003, at 18:33:29
That is the kind of mood I'm in. Still depressed, although better than yesterday.
Went to work today, had an ok day there. Did spend some time talking with the other two employees who might be affected by the cut-backs. We decided to work together to get some more info about what is happening--first from a semi-supervisor who is fairly politically astute and might have some strategy ideas for us, and then from the next-up supervisor, the one who told us about the cut backs, and who is the liason with the "big" bosses who make the cut back decisions (and who seems way out of her league politically, which, we believe is part of the problem--ie, confusing messages AND possibly unable to advocate appropriately for us with the big guys).
Anyway, I felt better--that we have some mutual support going. Also, one of the co-workers thinks someone in the larger group we are in is going to retire, so one of us, if our job is cut, can move in to that position if need be. So it looks less hopeless, but still nervewracking. And all of us are feeling insecure, unsafe, etc.
My mood is still depressed, though. I guess I can't expect that to change so rapidly. At least I was distracted during my work day and could work quite functionally (this has often been true of me--once I am at work, I can be "not depressed" for a while while I am working). And at least I am not as agitated as I was. I am able to defer all that depressed thinking somewhat--ie, not draw conclusions, etc.. But the mood is still depressed.
I had that extra therapy session today, which was helpful, but it was very hard to leave when it ended.
So, "sigh" just about sums up this low mood.
Posted by harry b. on January 3, 2003, at 22:53:37
In reply to Sigh..., posted by Noa on January 3, 2003, at 18:33:29
<<So, "sigh" just about sums up this low mood>>
"Sigh", I dropped a few notches today. Had sent an email & let a telephone message for someone, but no reply.
It is good that you can loose yourself a bit at work. With me, I could (can't) never (ever) loose myself. Similar to a song that constantly plays in your mind, only this won't go away.
Seems the slightest inducement can affect my mood. And I build on it till it overwhelms me.
I'm still a houseguest & was going to make dinner for us this evening, but I never got out the door to get groceries. Got up, back to bed, up again for most of the day, back to bed at 7pm, and now up again.
Hang in there, Noa. There have to be better days ahead for us.
harry b.
Posted by Noa on January 4, 2003, at 8:58:48
In reply to Re: Sigh..., posted by harry b. on January 3, 2003, at 22:53:37
I have days like that too--many days like that. Where I am a total slug, never out of pj's sleep too much, just have no energy, etc.
Sounds like you are deeply affected by the disappointment when you are waiting for correspondence that doesn't come fast enough. I know this sounds awful pat (and certainly "easier said than done"), but are there things you can do to not have your whole day depend on hearing back from these people--ie, not psychologically "sitting by the phone" so to speak? ie, plan some other things that are enjoyable. I know, like I said, easier said than done. COming from me, the weekend hermit who berates herself all day for not getting up, dressed, and out, who tells herself, "well, if you aren't going to get to the chore kind of stuff that is bogging you down, at least go out and do something fun", but then nothing seems appealing. Advice from this corner--trite, cliche, pat, but I had to offer it anyway, Harry.
As for my work, I am grateful that I can function there. Although I do have my moments. Sometimes, if something angers me at work, that can really hijack my mood and my day. I cry easily, so if I am having a difficult conversation with a boss, anything that feels "unfair" to me or like I'm being misjudged, I start crying. I can't help it. I feel foolish, but I can't help it. OR even if I hold it together, often I will get back to my office, and close the door and then burst into tears and be unable to get anything productive done.
Also, often there is a difference in how well I function depending on the type of work. Things that require my initiative, and organization and planning, independent sorts of tasks, etc., are often hard for me and if I am depressed, especially so, while things that are more structured, or involve responding to someone else's initiative, or go to something scheduled, (ie, things that don't take as much initiative) are easier for me , and especially when I'm depressed.
Hang in there, Harry. Are you looking into med adjustments with the pdoc?
Posted by harry b. on January 4, 2003, at 15:47:50
In reply to Re: Sigh... » harry b., posted by Noa on January 4, 2003, at 8:58:48
<<Hang in there, Harry. Are you looking into med adjustments with the pdoc?>>
Hi Noa,
My call came today + an email, but it still left me wanting. Guess I want it all.No, not really looking for a med adjustment. The Parnate has kept me alive for 2 yrs. I don't think the other meds (& I've gone through most of them) would be any better for me. I'm taking 80mg/day of P, that is a high dosage. If I remember correctly, 30mg is the norm, with 60mg considered high.
I would like to try adding dex or something to get me moving but my Pdoc is against it. So.
Anyway, nice to hear from you, keep on fighting.
hb
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