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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by allisonm on June 29, 2002, at 14:38:23
I broke up with my bf about 3 weeks ago. We had been dating for a little over a year. I had been feeling increasing ambivalence from him and asked him about it, whether his feelings had changed.
He said this would be hard. That he was not in love with me (never was, which I knew but that was OK - I wasn't looking for "in love") and did not feel as connected with me as he used to, blah, blah, blah, I'm a good woman, blah,blah,blah, he needs to spend time alone and work on himself, blah, blah, blah...
OK fine.
How do I get him out of my head? This question is probably oversimplistic. Maybe time is the only answer. He's just been in my head all day and I'm tired of it. We are meeting for coffee tomorrow so that we can return the stuff we left in each other's houses. Maybe then he'll get out of my head. I have been antsy to get rid of his stuff. It's been hanging over me. I don't know what else to do.
Posted by Greg on June 29, 2002, at 15:11:24
In reply to How do you get someone out of your head/heart?, posted by allisonm on June 29, 2002, at 14:38:23
Hi Allipoo,
Sorry to hear about this, I know it must have been rough on you. You’re right though, in my limited experience time really is the only way to get over a relationship. It’s only been 3 weeks and it’s going to take more time than that sweetie. It will pass though. Having his stuff out of your place may help a little, the constant reminders can’t be doing you any good.
I don’t know about him never being in love with you or needing to "work" on himself (we guys really need to come up with new lines...), but I do know you are not just a good woman, you are a great woman! I know this from personal experience. You have been a good, loving and loyal friend to me, and I appreciate you more than you know.
When the times comes, you wont have to look for love, it will find you.
Wish I could be more help....
A big hug,
Greg
Posted by shar on July 1, 2002, at 3:53:41
In reply to Re: How do you get someone out of your head/heart? » allisonm, posted by Greg on June 29, 2002, at 15:11:24
You and Greg are right...time is the answer. Plus, as you and Greg also mentioned, having his things around, or even having coffee, or even a phone call can stir things up.
I hope you have something absorbing that you can put yourself into during this period. I think that helps, too.
And, I also ditto Greg on his accurate description of you as a wonderful person. Good luck.
S
Posted by Phil on July 1, 2002, at 21:17:15
In reply to How do you get someone out of your head/heart?, posted by allisonm on June 29, 2002, at 14:38:23
but wouldn't you know it, you've got to see a doctor for the procedure.
A L L I S O N,Come to Texas. We'll git drunk and go daincin at the Broken Spoke. You would experience a whole new paradigm.
1. Time
2. Time
3. Give more attention to everyone you meet. Give them more 'love'. You know, sometimes you meet others who seem to love or show interest to everyone. You're not losing the love in your life, you redirect it.
4. Don't spend too much time alone.
5. Remember that every person on this planet goes through it. That's why we're all so screwed up. 8^DPj
Posted by allisonm on July 1, 2002, at 22:20:44
In reply to I've often thought of a lobotomy..., posted by Phil on July 1, 2002, at 21:17:15
Creg, Shar and Phil,
Thanks for the encouraging words. You all are sweeties.
I got his stuff back to him this morning without having to see him.
Were were suupposed to meet in person, yesterday, but he called about 45 min. before the meeting and claimed that he'd hurt his back and his wheel bearings on his car sounded bad, so didn't want to drive. He wanted to postpose the meeting for another week. I said no and had him leave my stuff in his garage. I went there while he was at work and got my stuff and left his.Basically what he's done is changed the rules of the game.
We'd both agreed were weren't looking for a longterm relationship. Somewhere along the line he decided that he need longterm and I didn't fit that bill. He has always had this fear of death and dying. His dog is very old and declining, so it seems he's obsessing about the time he has left and doesn't want to waste any more time w/o life partner. Gee, someone more messed up than I am!!Trouble is, he couldn't tell me this. I had to call him on it. So after he admitted this, I asked him how long would this situation have continued had I not brought up the subject. He didn't know. Asked why he hadn't told me, he said he didn't want to hurt me and he is afraid of being alone.
Cats make great companions. I highly recommend them.
Posted by Phil on July 2, 2002, at 6:22:42
In reply to Thanks all, you're the best, posted by allisonm on July 1, 2002, at 22:20:44
Posted by tina on July 2, 2002, at 7:44:40
In reply to Thanks all, you're the best, posted by allisonm on July 1, 2002, at 22:20:44
Wish I could make it all better. I know how hard it is to let someone go and there is no 'but' with that sentence. It's just plain hard. It will happen though.
love ya
tina
Posted by shar on July 2, 2002, at 11:14:07
In reply to Cats are good. They don't lie. (nm) » allisonm, posted by Phil on July 2, 2002, at 6:22:42
well, dogs don't lie either, but they will push the truth as far as they can, especially when it comes to food.
They will, an hour after their dinner, imply that they are feeling faint from hunger, then sort of fall right over, too weak to move....unless the doorbell rings, or I walk into the kitchen. Then it's almost like they're well again!
Oh yeah, if I get a phone call, that perks them right up, they're ready to play fetch, kill the stuffed toy, 'fight' with each other, try to make their way up on the sofa, etc.
8-)
Shar
This is the end of the thread.
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