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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 77 to 101 of 169. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 14:37:00
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » Dinah, posted by SLS on August 2, 2010, at 14:01:16
There's certainly a risk of it being deemed uncivil. In fact, when Dr. Bob was in the stage of trying to let people work things out, that's what often happened. And certainly some things that were said there wouldn't be allowed here. But the style was so low key that it didn't come across as particularly uncivil. Nor did it feed the trolls, as they say. More like "Hey, chill out why don't you. We're here to have fun." followed by a return to the topic than "You are being rude." followed by a long discussion.
Again, it may be a function of the self selected group of people who post there regularly and not really transferable. Maybe the topic attracted those of mainly mild manner. The other boards on the same large site have such nastiness that I have no desire to post there. So it certainly wasn't the moderation. However, it did seem to be a group norm that was enforced groupwide on that particular board.
When I have time, I could try to look for a few examples. I was very impressed. But then, I've been very impressed at times with Babblers as well.
Perhaps if Dr. Bob wishes posters to do that, he might provide some examples?
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 14:41:29
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling?, posted by violette on August 2, 2010, at 14:28:23
Thank you, and I do understand. I appreciate your not resenting me for something that might be not unlike the ratings I object to.
I don't think Dr. Bob uniformly approves of me though. He likes some of what I *say*, but since I was a deputy for years, it's not unlikely that we have similar views on some things. Other things, not so much. He doesn't quote me on *those* things. :)
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 14:45:40
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling?, posted by violette on August 2, 2010, at 14:28:23
> And perhaps if given the chance-this is something he could have worked on through talking with others here.
By the way, I think Dr. Bob will agree with you on this one. That's what I think he would have liked to have seen happen in response to his request. Although I think it's a lot more difficult to do after one of Dr. Bob's requests because of how they're worded.
Posted by fayeroe on August 2, 2010, at 14:53:06
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » violette, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 14:45:40
> > And perhaps if given the chance-this is something he could have worked on through talking with others here.
>
> By the way, I think Dr. Bob will agree with you on this one. That's what I think he would have liked to have seen happen in response to his request. Although I think it's a lot more difficult to do after one of Dr. Bob's requests because of how they're worded.I find it extremely difficult to do something that someone tells/asks me to do when the "request/guilt/manipulation is upsetting my stomach.
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 14:53:58
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling?, posted by violette on August 2, 2010, at 14:28:23
> Ron is Ron. Partly Cloudy is Partly Cloudy. Manic is Manic. We are all individuals with our own unique strength and potentials. And we should all strive to be our best through our positive qualities rather than striving to 'be' Dinahs.
I agree with this too. But if everyone is to be respected, doesn't that mean the Scotts, 10ders, Dinahs, and others who like staying at Babble as well?
There is a tension there. Sort of like how I really value tolerance, but sometimes find myself jumping up and down and shouting "I hate people who are intolerant. I cannot tolerate intolerance!!!" Which always makes me laugh and feel a wee bit more tolerant.
In different places there are different behavioral expectations. While it's nice to value people for who they are, the behavioral expectations still have to be met. And at Babble the behavioral expectations have a lot to do with respecting and valuing others. So definitely there is a tension there.
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 14:55:21
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » violette, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 14:53:58
I really think this thread belongs on Admin.
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 14:58:00
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on August 2, 2010, at 14:53:06
> > > And perhaps if given the chance-this is something he could have worked on through talking with others here.
> >
> > By the way, I think Dr. Bob will agree with you on this one. That's what I think he would have liked to have seen happen in response to his request. Although I think it's a lot more difficult to do after one of Dr. Bob's requests because of how they're worded.
>
> I find it extremely difficult to do something that someone tells/asks me to do when the "request/guilt/manipulation is upsetting my stomach.Maybe you could propose alternate wording for Dr. Bob? I gave it a shot, but maybe something more like what Violette said would be better.
Posted by fayeroe on August 2, 2010, at 14:58:20
In reply to Re: :) I hope you feel better soon, posted by manic666 on August 2, 2010, at 12:49:18
Neither of us is silly when we say we don't like headaches. I rarely have one so I feel offended when I do get one.
My doctor prescribed me the generic med for "Flexaril" (I cannot spell it) and I've found if I take one of those and two "tylenol" (generic) I can kill it in about an hour.
The Flexaril is for the muscle spasms that I get in my back and shoulder from the mastectomy. I have no idea how it helps my headache unless I'm carrying some tension on the back of my neck and head.
I'm so glad that I discovered a second use for the med.
He prescribed 3 daily and I only have to take 2 so I always have extras!!!
Posted by fayeroe on August 2, 2010, at 15:18:09
In reply to Re: :) I hope you feel better soon » manic666, posted by fayeroe on August 2, 2010, at 14:58:20
Posted by violette on August 2, 2010, at 15:19:28
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » violette, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 14:45:40
> And perhaps if given the chance-this is something he could have worked on through talking with others here.
By the way, I think Dr. Bob will agree with you on this one. That's what I think he would have liked to have seen happen in response to his request. Although I think it's a lot more difficult to do after one of Dr. Bob's requests because of how they're worded. - Dinah
Well-no one told Ron they were hurt by his kiddie pool analogy; and I don't see how they were directed to anyone here-it seems like an expression of his feelings, which I view as positive that he came here to talk about it. Tensions or not.
I am personally against the whole movement towards behavioralism and CBT, and Dr. Bob appears to be a behavioralist in my view, which originated from studying the behavior of animals. We are not animals.
But as I think you could yourself imagine-being the empathetic person you are--It can be very damaging to be the child of a highly-narcissistic parent who only views you of an extension of themselves. This mode reinforces that-if only you thought THAT way, if only you CHANGED your way of looking at things, if ONLY you were like your brother Jonny, than I (the parent) would be happy...if only you weren't yourself and like somebody else...
My therapy involves accepting that my emotions are a normal reaction to how my parents treated me as a child. That is healing, and that promotes changes in my outlook on life as opposed to someone telling me I *should* do this, I *should* be like that. If only I *should* have *could* have *would* have done xyz, than I would feel great and would not have mental illness...that I am somehow flawed in my way of experiencing the world..rather than someone who has inner pain to work through.
The whole movement of emotions being the result of thoughts rather than the other way around is not healthy to our society, imo. And as you probably could picture, being told "if only you were more like Dinah"...might bring up feelings from growing up with a narcissistic parent-which are very damaging to one's mental health. I am offended by such statements-not only for myself, but for everyone here...
Anyway, take care. :)
Posted by 10derHeart on August 2, 2010, at 15:56:12
In reply to Dr. Bob?, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 14:55:21
Yes, I contacted him yesterday and asked him to move it.
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 16:07:55
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » Dinah, posted by violette on August 2, 2010, at 15:19:28
> And as you probably could picture, being told "if only you were more like Dinah"...might bring up feelings from growing up with a narcissistic parent-which are very damaging to one's mental health. I am offended by such statements-not only for myself, but for everyone here...
I think maybe that you're hearing it more than he intends to say it. Which may be a result of growing up with parents who said it?
I don't think Dr. Bob would like a board of Dinahs so I don't think he's saying that others should be more like me. I think he sometimes just likes something I've said. Just like he always mentions "faceful of cat" (which was seldomseen, not me).
I've recently quoted various things my mother has said. But I don't want people to be more like my mother.
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 16:10:19
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » Dinah, posted by violette on August 2, 2010, at 15:19:28
Also, I say rather a lot. I post way more than I ought. And a fair amount of it is positive to Dr. Bob. Which may be something of an anomaly among posters who post as often as I do.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on August 2, 2010, at 16:43:44
In reply to The Question Remains: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » ron1953, posted by Free on August 1, 2010, at 18:35:31
Well, I didn't feel put down. I was mildly amused. I really don't understand how the 'kiddie pool' reference could cause anyone to feel put down. It wasn't directed at any specific poster.
Posted by fayeroe on August 2, 2010, at 17:00:16
In reply to Re: The Question Remains: Why Is Babble Not Babbling?, posted by ed_uk2010 on August 2, 2010, at 16:43:44
Posted by Free on August 2, 2010, at 21:11:40
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » violette, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 16:10:19
>Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 14:55:21
>In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » violette, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 14:53:58> I really think this thread belongs on Admin.
>Posted by 10derHeart on August 2, 2010, at 15:56:12
>In reply to Dr. Bob?, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 14:55:21> Yes, I contacted him yesterday and asked him to move it.
Dinah and 10derHeart,
I'm confused. Are you speaking in this thread as Deputies or babblers?
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 21:24:45
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » Dinah, posted by Free on August 2, 2010, at 21:11:40
As Babblers.
10der is no longer a deputy, and I am not an active deputy at this time, though I hope my circumstances change so that I can be in future.
Posted by violette on August 2, 2010, at 22:22:00
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » violette, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2010, at 16:07:55
> I think maybe that you're hearing it more than he intends to say it. Which may be a result of growing up with parents who said it?
That is likely true, Dinah. I do feel that even if I am 'hearing it more' than intended, or happen to be more vigilant about such concepts, that it is still not healthy to continously point out to people that they should express themself like another particular person...
I pictured Ron as someone hurting inside, who needed to be heard and understood. And I think blocking him took away that opportunity, and probably reinforced how he feels about the concept-making him worse off, not better.
Eminem was often criticized for the way he expressed himself with the music that he wrote. "Vulgar!" Well that guy had a pretty vulgar childhood, and he was dealing with it, at least in part, through the songs he wrote.
I say those who do not like his music can choose not to listen to it as he wasn't writing it to hurt people. And it's interesting how his music matches his self-growth. The progression is noticable upon hearing his recent cd-which is less angry than those he created before it, and also inspiring-more positive. I think the way he expressed his emotion through songs was healthy and has contributed to his self-growth in a positive way. It seemed he needed to work out the anger...and he did despite the criticism.
Of course, I could be wrong-maybe Ron is laughing right now at the act of being blocked. Still, I'd like to see people have the opportunity be heard and understood. That's all.
Posted by BayLeaf on August 2, 2010, at 22:24:19
In reply to Re: The Question Remains: Why Is Babble Not Babbling?, posted by ed_uk2010 on August 2, 2010, at 16:43:44
> Well, I didn't feel put down. I was mildly amused. I really don't understand how the 'kiddie pool' reference could cause anyone to feel put down. It wasn't directed at any specific poster.
Yes, this exactly.Babble isn't babbling cuz of adminstrative decisions which discount the many, many, many, did I say many? requests for changes to the blocking policies, along with all the other kagillion decisions made which ignore the begging and pleading for changes (and lack there of...um...see Admin board currently) by posters who want the place to thrive.
No d'uh, eh?
Posted by violette on August 2, 2010, at 22:26:40
In reply to Re: The Question Remains: Why Is Babble Not Babbling?, posted by BayLeaf on August 2, 2010, at 22:24:19
> Well, I didn't feel put down. I was mildly amused. I really don't understand how the 'kiddie pool' reference could cause anyone to feel put down. It wasn't directed at any specific poster.
I don't understand either. Maybe it had something to do with the fact the Admin. board was quiet for a few days? Odd timing or coincidence?
Posted by SLS on August 3, 2010, at 5:12:54
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling?, posted by violette on August 2, 2010, at 14:28:23
> Maybe Ron was hurting inside?
This is also true of many murderers. It is unlikely that Ron is a murderer, though. However, behaviors have consequences. Ron must surely be an adult and capable of making adult decisions, as he no longer wishes to play in the 'kiddie pool'.
- Scott
Posted by manic666 on August 3, 2010, at 6:16:55
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » violette, posted by SLS on August 3, 2010, at 5:12:54
i dont get this kiddies pool sh*t . whats the big deal with it in america i means nothing to me.Is it like saying your childish ,im off to play with the grown ups. If thats what it mean,s come on people get a life
Posted by SLS on August 3, 2010, at 6:19:19
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling?, posted by manic666 on August 3, 2010, at 6:16:55
> ...come on people get a life
I wish I could.
I hope all is well with you.
:-)
- Scott
Posted by Dinah on August 3, 2010, at 8:52:17
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling? » Dinah, posted by violette on August 2, 2010, at 22:22:00
> That is likely true, Dinah. I do feel that even if I am 'hearing it more' than intended, or happen to be more vigilant about such concepts, that it is still not healthy to continously point out to people that they should express themself like another particular person...
Liking something someone said and quoting it is not the same as wanting other people to express themselves the same way. I don't really see it as the same thing at all. I am not saying it can't be annoying. My husband probably wants to scream whenever I say "My therapist says...." But I'm not saying I want my husband to be like my therapist or express himself like my therapist. I just find something to the point in something my therapist said. It's even more clear if I quote my mother, which I often do.
> I pictured Ron as someone hurting inside, who needed to be heard and understood.
I doubt any of us would be here if we weren't hurting inside, and needing to be heard, understood, and treated with respect.
> Still, I'd like to see people have the opportunity be heard and understood.
Posters do have the opportunity in their original posts. They have another opportunity in response to Dr. Bob's request. The way they use that opportunity determines whether they will have the opportunity in the next period of time. When they return, they again have the opportunity, and it's up to them how they use it and how long they have the opportunity.
Posted by Dinah on August 3, 2010, at 8:55:02
In reply to Re: Why Is Babble Not Babbling?, posted by manic666 on August 3, 2010, at 6:16:55
> i dont get this kiddies pool sh*t . whats the big deal with it in america i means nothing to me.Is it like saying your childish ,im off to play with the grown ups. If thats what it mean,s come on people get a life
Get a life?
I don't believe having a life and asking to be treated with respect are mutually exclusive. In fact, I think having a healthy life includes believing that one is worthy of respect.
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