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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by fallsfall on December 7, 2003, at 18:29:25
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 7, 2003, at 18:23:17
Hi Geri,
Did you see this post below? http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031124/msgs/287185.html I think the two of you may have some things in common.
I know that it is hard to keep reaching out to people, but I have learned that, for me, in the end it is much harder if I *don't* reach out to people. It is always risky, and sometimes you get hurt, but I find that people are helpful more often than they hurt me.
How are you feeling at night, these days? Has it gotten any better?
Have you given any more thought to talking to your teacher?
I was glad to see a post from you today.
Posted by sfmom on December 8, 2003, at 10:52:36
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 7, 2003, at 18:23:17
That's great that you write stories too. I've tried my hand at stories a couple of times but they never turned out the way I wanted them to. If you're comfortable sharing some of your stories here, I would really, really love to read them.
As far as your friend who is also a cheerleader (by the way, thanks for explaining the cheerleading terminology for me, I went to a really small high school that didn't even have a football team much less a cheerleading squad) I know that you doubt yourself and it's totally okay to fantasize about not catching her and seeing her in a little bit of pain, but I know that you wouldn't actually not catch her, that's just not who you are. So don't feel badly about having those kind of thoughts, we all have them. But at the same time, we have to live our lives with compassion for others as well as ourselves. My dad once told me, when I was in high school and worried about what people would think about me (I didn't exactly fit in) that the only thing I can really give to another person is my truth, and they can take it or leave it, but it still remains MY truth.
So, what if you did tell her about how she let you down? What's the worst that would happen? Then think about the best that could happen. Well, it will probably be somewhere in between. Would that be so bad? Would it be worth having said your truth out loud to her? Just some things to think about.
Remember that I'm thinking about you. And please post to us soon to let us know how you're doing.
Posted by sfmom on December 10, 2003, at 9:43:43
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone » geri122, posted by sfmom on December 8, 2003, at 10:52:36
Hi Geri,
We haven't heard from you for a few days so I just wanted to check in with you to see how you've been doing. I miss hearing from you.
Posted by LynneDa on December 10, 2003, at 12:51:05
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 7, 2003, at 18:23:17
Hi everyone! I've been out of work with a horrible head cold, so haven't been posting. I can barely talk still, so thank goodness for email. Anyway . . . How's everyone doing? Lyssa, how was the party?
Geri, how are you feeling? I understand your frustration and impatience with some of your friends. That can come with being in a bad mood and feeling depressed. But, it could also be a sign that you're wanting to find your voice and speak out when things bother you. I don't mean just the big issues, but the little things that bug you during the day. Are you the type who never speaks up cuz you want to keep the peace? That was me until recently, the peace-maker. It can help to vent - kindly and constructively - when someone ticks you off instead of letting things build up. When you get comfortable doing that, you may be comfortable talking about the big things.
The other side of the frustration and impatience coin is - that is part of depression sometimes - anger. I had/have a lot of that. Some of it is rational and some is not! I notice it more right before my period is to come. Have you noticed anything cyclical in your moods throughout the month? I kept track of it on my calendar. I would rate my anger, anxiety and depression levels on a scale of 1 - 5. This helped my doctor diagnose me. This is kind of personal, but have you had your first OB/GYN visit yet? He/she would be a good person to talk to about this. That's who I first talked to last year. It was such a relief when I "spilled my guts" to him and he said what I was feeling was treatable!!
Hang in there and keep telling us how you feel. That gives us clues as to what is going on with you and maybe gives us ideas of how to help.
Have you thought about talking to a teacher or anyone else? Maybe your increase in frustration and impatience could be the topic instead of going right into depression!
Have a good week and write soon :-)
~ Lynne
Posted by geri122 on December 12, 2003, at 15:04:25
In reply to Geri, how are you doing?, posted by sfmom on December 10, 2003, at 9:43:43
yeah it has been hard to get on. my dad is now watching me when i am on the inter. i am afraid he will read. just the other day i saw him on the comp looking through my stuff. No privacy. im just tired.. that just pushes me away even more. I am afraid to pst here now, he might read. i don't want any problem.. (more that is) im just scareda dn frustrarted LIfe sucks.
Posted by geri122 on December 12, 2003, at 15:08:14
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by LynneDa on December 10, 2003, at 12:51:05
I do want to speak out but i don't cus i do want peace. its not fair tho... they can speak their minds and i can't. i thought u guys said it would get easier. its not... not at all
Posted by LynneDa on December 12, 2003, at 15:08:52
In reply to Re: Geri, how are you doing?, posted by geri122 on December 12, 2003, at 15:04:25
Geri - I'm sorry to hear that. I really would like to know how you think your Dad would react if he knew you were very sad and reaching out for help - as evidenced by your posts here. As a parent, the only reaction I think I'd have is astonishment and maybe a little anger that my daughter didn't come to me with her problems in the first place. I wish I could understand what you are afraid of in talking to your parents. Just rejection or would there be a consequence? I'd be happy to talk to him if that would help.
~ Lynne
P.S. my work # is 1-800-222-8215 x9507 if you need to call.
Posted by geri122 on December 12, 2003, at 15:11:05
In reply to Re: Geri, how are you doing?, posted by LynneDa on December 12, 2003, at 15:08:52
anger would be the word. like i have said before he would think i am faking... its just not easy and i don't want to deal with it. I mean yea yeah after a hile he would understand, but i don't want to wait a while i don't want to explain. I shouldn't have to
Posted by LynneDa on December 12, 2003, at 15:13:30
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 12, 2003, at 15:08:14
Honey, the only way to get better is to push thru the really bad stuff. You have to go thru that process to get to a place where you can start healing. I'm sorry, but that has to be your next step. You can only go there if you're ready. But, whatever the consequences, it can't be as bad as how you feel on a daily basis, can it? It took me many years to learn that keeping the peace is not always worth it - it's good in the short term, but is unhealthy and totally disabling in the long term!
It's true that parents get to speak their minds and kids don't. I have that habit with my daughter at times. It's all in the way you do it. Don't tell them what they're doing wrong. Stick to "I" statements and talk about your feelings. I wish I could be a fly on the wall and help talk you thru a conversation with them. I know it is not easy!!!!
~ Lynne
Posted by geri122 on December 12, 2003, at 15:17:12
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by LynneDa on December 12, 2003, at 15:13:30
yeah ur rights its not easy.. and i know i need to take that srep. I was acually thinking about haveig my friend that i told come to the coucler with me.. you know for support. im getting there it just takes time
Posted by LynneDa on December 12, 2003, at 15:21:09
In reply to Re: Geri, how are you doing?, posted by geri122 on December 12, 2003, at 15:11:05
What would he be angry about, that you are causing a rift in the family? That you are trying to get attention? Is it about what they are not doing for you or is it more about the fact you feel empty and sad inside and are having trouble coping with life right now? If he or your mom feel uncomfortable dealing with emotions, feelings and talking, can you ask them if you can see a counselor? Would that freak them out and embarass them?
I totally understand that you don't feel like hassling with it right now. It's exhausting. I'm trying to think of ways to build up your emotional strength so you can feel brave enough to do this. I know it's tough.
I don't know your whole situation, but you do have to explain it to your parents - how your thoughts evolved to the point they are at right now. Children are a mystery to us adults. We remember what it was like, but each one of you are different and see things differently than we did. Sometimes we need a little guidance from you :-)! It may only take a few words or conversations to get your point across and then he may get it.
Please do what's best for you right now. Whatever that is, I support you. I just want you to find some relief!!!
~ Lynne
Posted by LynneDa on December 12, 2003, at 15:23:42
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 12, 2003, at 15:17:12
Great idea . . . you are definitely getting there and I am proud of you. You should be proud of yourself cuz you are thinking through your issues and trying to find solutions for them. Keep thinking about what's best for you . . . I know that is a risky and unfamiliar thought pattern, but in the end it will be okay!!
~ Lynne
Posted by geri122 on December 12, 2003, at 15:25:56
In reply to Re: Geri, how are you doing?, posted by LynneDa on December 12, 2003, at 15:21:09
please don't always worry about me.. i don't want to worry. Im not going to hurt myself any any one else ast that natter. ill be ok.. please don't worry
Posted by geri122 on December 12, 2003, at 15:27:28
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by LynneDa on December 12, 2003, at 15:23:42
im trying to get better be happy and because of people like you i will.. thanks u soo much for everything... because of people like you i can often smile and say people do really care
Posted by LynneDa on December 12, 2003, at 15:29:45
In reply to Re: Geri, how are you doing?, posted by geri122 on December 12, 2003, at 15:25:56
OK, I won't worry :-). But I'm a nurturer and problem-fixer by nature, so my instinct is to want to guide you until you can start feeling better - I know, that's not my job!
I don't think you are at risk for harming yourself or others. I just know how awful it feels to be sad and I am so much more stable myself since I started on meds and go to counseling every other month or so. I have 2 or 3 great friends who understand what I'm feeling and that has made all the difference. Just know we're here for you if you have no one else and need to talk, vent or want encouragement, ok?
~ Lynne
Posted by LynneDa on December 12, 2003, at 15:32:28
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 12, 2003, at 15:27:28
Good, then I guess my purpose is being served!! Have a fun, relaxing weekend. It's supposed to snow here - my daughter is totally psyched for sledding!
~ Lynne
Posted by fallsfall on December 13, 2003, at 8:27:50
In reply to Re: You Are Not Alone, posted by geri122 on December 12, 2003, at 15:27:28
Hi Geri,
I'm glad you are hanging in there. Just making it through the days is an accomplishment. How are you feeling now? Are you able to sleep at night? Can you pay attention in your classes? Are you still thinking about death? I'm glad that you aren't at the point where you would hurt yourself or anyone else. That is a relief.
Is the friend you told able to be supportive for you? Did she say that when you were ready she would go to see the counselor with you?
I'm sorry about your lack of privacy. Are you aware that most public libraries have computers for the public to use? If you need some help in removing pointers to this site from your computer, I can help - please email me at Babble FallsFall at yahoo.com. I wish you could tell your dad, but I don't want your contact with us to be cut off just because you aren't ready to talk to him.
I hope you have some fun things planned for this weekend.
Sounds like you are on the right track.
Posted by geri122 on December 15, 2003, at 14:39:08
In reply to Saturday » geri122, posted by fallsfall on December 13, 2003, at 8:27:50
yes i am hanging in here, day by day night by night, im doing it.My days are long, but my nights are longer. I don't like to come home, i don't like to think, and that is all i do when i am here. things here trigger me.. a situation triggers me.
Do i still think about death, of course i don't think that will ever change. Will i do it to myself i don't think i am to that point yet. Hopefully never.
My privacy.. yeah i have never had that. BUt i want to tell you this, my dad will never cut off any contact with you guys. I won't allow him. you guys help me, something he doesn't do.. he can't take this away from me i won't allow him. Never!
Posted by sfmom on December 15, 2003, at 19:32:38
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 15, 2003, at 14:39:08
Hi Geri,
Sorry I haven't posted for a few days. I've been dealing with some crap of my own and am feeling pretty down. But that's how it goes, we all have some ups and some downs. The meds I've been on have helped me to actually have more up days than down ones lately, but it still happens.
I really loved your idea about your friend going with you to see a counselor. Sometimes just having someone there to hold your hand or give you a hug can make all the difference in the world. Have you found someone you can see in your area? If not, may I suggest that you or your friend call the hotline that Lynne got for you? You don't even have to talk to them if you don't want, just sit next to your friend while she calls and explains the situation and tells them that you are ready for help. I know it is a huge step, but one that we all think you are ready for. Please let us know what you decide to do so that we can offer all the support possible.
I was also really sorry to hear about your privacy issues at home. It really sucks that your dad is on your back. I don't know all of the situation, and it could be that he's always been like that, but I just have to say this and I apologize if I'm out of line, but maybe, just maybe, he senses that there has been something wrong in your life and doesn't know how to approach you about it so is encroaching on your privacy to one, try to be closer to you, and two, to try to find out what's wrong. Just another perspective to consider. . .
Are you out of school for winter break yet? What are your plans over the holidays? I know the holidays can be very stressful and I hope you'll have some time to yourself and with your friends. How about for New Year's Eve? Geez, I don't even have plans for New Year's and it's my 30th birthday! Yikes, I'm getting old!
Anyway, keep in touch and know we're all thinking about you.
Posted by sfmom on December 15, 2003, at 22:02:39
In reply to Re: Saturday » geri122, posted by sfmom on December 15, 2003, at 19:32:38
Geri,
Like I said before, I've been out of it for a few days, but I just read what you posted to Lisa and just wanted to tell you how beautiful it was to me to see you reaching out your hand to another person in your situation. Perhaps you'll feel some of what we feel for you. . .
Bless you. You are truly special.
Love, Lyssa
P.S. How about some more poetry or a story??? I'd love to hear them, and I could use a pleasant distraction right now. Speaking of stories, my friend was published in a book of short stories last year entitled, "That Takes Ovaries!). I highly recommend it but don't know how far it was distributed.
Posted by fallsfall on December 15, 2003, at 22:13:47
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 15, 2003, at 14:39:08
Hey Geri,
I'm glad you are hanging in there. I'm sorry that your nights are still difficult. I wish that you could see a doctor, because they probably could give you meds that would help with that. And the days feel so much better when you get good sleep in the nights.
If you are thinking about talking to the counselor at school, I think that would be a great idea. Bringing your friend would be terrific. There could be an advantage to talking to her before school gets out for vacation. It doesn't have to be a long talk - maybe even just that you've been a bit depressed and you would like to talk to her about it after vacation. I say this because I know that there have been times when it has really helped me feel better to know that there was someone who was willing to help me - even if I couldn't talk to them at the time. I expect that you will spend a little more time at home during vacation than you do when school is in session - and I certainly understand when you say that your home is triggering. My home is triggering to me, too - it represents all of the responsibilties that I feel like I can't handle right now. So I guess if I were you, that I would feel better over the vacation if I knew there was someplace that I could go (after vacation was over) where someone was willing to help me. Maybe that's just me - I'm a real planner. I like to have things lined up so that I always know that things will be OK.
I hope you have snow. It snowed last night here, and school was cancelled today. It looks really pretty.
I hope you can find some joy for Christmas (if you celebrate Christmas...!)
Posted by LynneDa on December 16, 2003, at 9:15:27
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 15, 2003, at 14:39:08
Hi! It is really hard when you feel like your Dad is checking up on you. I would hate that too. It could be a negative thing, but more than likely he's worried and has no clue what to do! Men are practical and they are fixers. They see a problem and they want to do something about it - they seek a solution, and they don't always go about it in the most sensitive of ways! Here's an idea: If you think he's reading your computer, you should create a document that's titled "Dad, please read". Wouldn't that blow him away :-)!
A question for you. What kinds of incidents and situations trigger things for you? Maybe talking through specifics and giving you ideas on how to handle situations differently could help. We can give you the benefit of our YEARS of experience being on both sides of the family fence :-)!
Geri honey - Please remember and tell yourself every day: YOU are a wonderful human being with lots to offer the world. YOU deserve to feel better. You will have a happy future, I believe that. Please know that this is a temporary, fixable condition and that there is help available in many forms. Just get strong and take the steps you need to take. You will get there!!!!!
~ Lynne
Posted by geri122 on December 16, 2003, at 14:52:28
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by LynneDa on December 16, 2003, at 9:15:27
Winter beak is just around the corner, and i am afraid of it. I mean i don't want to be home all day, having to worry about things it will bring. I don't want to deal with my dadI will be honest with you sometimes i feel selfish. I don't have a father that beats me or anything like that,, but sometimes i wish that that would be the case. I mean i don't want to hate him, i don't want to not be able to talk to him, i don't want to be afraid but i am. There are people that are worse off then me, and i would trade in a heart beat, i want that reason to feel the way i do, sometimes that is the hardest to deal with.
I feel like he uses me as the scape goat, something goes wrong its my fault, even if its really not. He amkes me feel little, not important. Im better then that, i want to be better then that. What triggers it. Walking into the house after a long day and getting yelled out for nothing. I have a twin sister, and when does something wrong its not her fault but mine. I hate mydefl for hating him. I want to be that dady's girl but i know that i will never be. I want to know that he loves me, but sometimes i question. its a lot to deal with.. and on top of that i don't even really know who i am. Ever one needs something to control, thier life, anything, i feel like i have lost that. I feel like everything has taken over me. It is stronger then i can handle. I swear i could write a book and im only 16,. I knw i have my whole life to live... but sometimes its hard. how can ilive the future if i can't foegt the past. It weights be down, i can't forget
Posted by LynneDa on December 16, 2003, at 15:19:29
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 16, 2003, at 14:52:28
Feeling unimportant and not knowing who you are and how you fit into the family and your world - that is common to us all - and you should try to write about it :-). I know it is especially hard right now since you're in between being a kid and an adult! And you also have the whole hormone thing to contend with - that affects your emotional and physical health tremendously.
But, sweetie, be relieved by the fact that knowing who you are is a life-long journey - it's not a destination! Try to take each situation as it comes along - think it through and decide who you are and what you believe for that moment in time. You don't have to have all the answers just yet. You are still collecting experiences and in the building stage!!
I'm sorry to hear he blames you for so many things. That is emotional abuse and it is just as real as physical abuse. I always considered myself a strong person, but my ex-husband was very emotionally abusive and it finally tore me down to a nub. I felt stupid telling my friends I wanted to leave him. He didn't hit me or run around on me and he was always kind to me except when he was depressed, angry, manic or drinking too much!
Are you the stronger between you and your twin? I guess you can't talk to her about this or you would have already mentioned it. People actually have a tendency to pick on people who are strong in some ways because strength can come across as defiance and defiance is seen as provoking - even when the defiance came as a result of your Dad's behavior and not vice versa.
I hate to suggest this cuz it is not healthy, but you almost have to learn to walk on eggshells around him, so to speak. But, be aware you are doing it and since it is a CHOICE you will make, maybe it will give you some feeling of control.
It's hard growing up. Your Dad is human and it's doubtful he knows how much his behavior and lack of caring, or even bad manners toward you, is harming you. Where does your Mom weigh in on all of this?
Posted by geri122 on December 16, 2003, at 16:58:51
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by LynneDa on December 16, 2003, at 15:19:29
i am the stonger one, i guess i have always been. but i doesn;t make it right. you know. i know i have a lot to deal with, i am just glad i can come here and vent about it
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