![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 99. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 1:34:47
I feel I am no longer welcomed here. I thought I would try to come back, maybe try again, but I guess some of my mistakes will never be forgiven. I get that. All I know is that there are a lot of untruths and rumors about me and I have no way to prove it to anyone. I have not done the horrible things I am being accused of. People will believe what they want and I have no control about that. But I do have control over what I do and feel about myself.
I have changed a lot and have grown, PTSD is a bitch to live with. Most here don't understand the triggers and behaviors of people with PTSD, and while some other disorders are more acceptable here, PTSD isn't understood very much. "I" am not understood here much.
Some of my behaviors have not been good on here, mainly when I was triggered because of my PTSD and was angry, but I am still a good person. I am trying with therapy to become a better person but I am a sensitive person, and while it might feel good to try to hurt me, get me blocked, I can see past that and see it isn't really about myself. I feel sorry for those who try to be hurt me, but I have overcome many things in my life, and those behaviors won't effect me anymore. Keeping all that rage and unforgiveness inside will only hurt yourself, for it doesn't even touch me anymore. I have moved on to a better place,a place I hope you all can experience one day. I am a survivor.
I don't hate any babblers and I don't wish anyone bad will, I hope you all can find peace in your hearts and maybe someday forgive me if I have hurt you or anyone.
We all have issues and this place should be a place where we come to be understood and accepted, but I overstayed my welcome and I get that. I believe the blocking issues and rules on this site are too punitive, especially for a mental health site. I can't support a place that doesn't support me or can ever forgive.
Note to Dr. BOb, maybe in junction with trying to get others to say they are sorry, maybe you should also work on those Babblers who can't forgive. It goes both ways.Happyflower
Posted by SLS on June 11, 2009, at 5:16:41
In reply to Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 1:34:47
> I feel I am no longer welcomed here. I thought I would try to come back, maybe try again, but I guess some of my mistakes will never be forgiven. I get that. All I know is that there are a lot of untruths and rumors about me and I have no way to prove it to anyone. I have not done the horrible things I am being accused of. People will believe what they want and I have no control about that. But I do have control over what I do and feel about myself.
>
> I have changed a lot and have grown, PTSD is a bitch to live with. Most here don't understand the triggers and behaviors of people with PTSD, and while some other disorders are more acceptable here, PTSD isn't understood very much. "I" am not understood here much.
>
> Some of my behaviors have not been good on here, mainly when I was triggered because of my PTSD and was angry, but I am still a good person. I am trying with therapy to become a better person but I am a sensitive person, and while it might feel good to try to hurt me, get me blocked, I can see past that and see it isn't really about myself. I feel sorry for those who try to be hurt me, but I have overcome many things in my life, and those behaviors won't effect me anymore. Keeping all that rage and unforgiveness inside will only hurt yourself, for it doesn't even touch me anymore. I have moved on to a better place,a place I hope you all can experience one day. I am a survivor.
>
> I don't hate any babblers and I don't wish anyone bad will, I hope you all can find peace in your hearts and maybe someday forgive me if I have hurt you or anyone.
> We all have issues and this place should be a place where we come to be understood and accepted, but I overstayed my welcome and I get that. I believe the blocking issues and rules on this site are too punitive, especially for a mental health site. I can't support a place that doesn't support me or can ever forgive.
>
> Note to Dr. BOb, maybe in junction with trying to get others to say they are sorry, maybe you should also work on those Babblers who can't forgive. It goes both ways.
>
> Happyflower
I hope I have not been personally involved in any of the intercourse that has brought you to this point. Gosh. I can't imagine what you must have gone through.I agree with you regarding forgiveness. For me, forgiveness is unconditional. It is part of my spirituality, I guess. I might not always get there instantaneously, but I usually do get there. Some things just hurt too much to forgive so quickly. For me, apologies are another thing altogether, and it is important to me that I be true to myself in handing them out. I am usually not too demanding, though. I like to think so, anyway.
In any event, it almost always saddens me to lose someone from Psycho-Babble. I hope you find the friends and support that you would like to have elsewhere. Sooo...
Good luck to you, and may the flowers that bloom in your future be happy ones.
Be well.
- Scott
Posted by twinleaf on June 11, 2009, at 8:34:07
In reply to Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 1:34:47
Happy, correct me if i m mistaken, but I think you may be expressing the hurt you still feel for having been blocked in a way that appeared uncalled-for and excessively long. To confine my post just to the present, there are three of us- Alex, Happy and me, who all feel that we were blocked both unfairly and for excessively long periods.
I think there is something that can be learned from us. Whereas we once all felt trusting, supported and cared for here, and valued the relationships and interchanges we had, we now are all feeling and acting traumatized. The site we trusted rejected us and hurt us- REALLY HURT US- and for what possible reason? There is no reason in the world to ever do that to anyone, much less for the administrator of a mental health site to do that to any of the posters who are part of his community.
Bob owes each of us a heartfelt apology, and a genuine commitment to never again use the blocking function of this site in a way that is traumatizing to anyone, or harmful to their mental health, or to their journey towards recovery. Several people have recently asked this of him, but he has suddenly become silent. We would not ask it of him if it were not vital for our continued safe and healthy participation here. Because a number of posters have said this same thing in various ways, I hope Bob will understand that it would be irresponsible of him not to respond to us in a sincere and constructive manner. It is long past the time when genuine, serious problems having to do with how this site is administered can be addressed by throwing out more and more slightly irrelevant questions. At least one answer is needed now.
Posted by verne on June 11, 2009, at 9:46:41
In reply to Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 1:34:47
Happyflower,
I'm not sure whether I was part of the problem when you were blocked: sorry if I was. I also have PTSD. Add borderline personality disorder and alcohol to the mix and I shouldn't be near the internet. I'm not much good at online relationships and expect to be leaving soon anyway.
I've noticed cliques but don't babblemail anymore so don't get in on the rumors. I think I'm "out of the loop" by now.
You're right about the unforgiveness. Some posters (block me please) hold a grudge, a very long grudge. They will look for opportunities to trip up and ambush their perceived "enemies".
One of their favorite tactics is to parse through posts looking for something blockworthy, QUOTE IT, and then act hurt or say something like "OMG", thereby drawing attention to it.
They won't let it rest and will even mob someone after they've apologized. It's like blood in the water for them.
They've learned the art of applying venomous sarcasm within the civility guidelines. I think some are driven by a need to "win" - not sure what.
I don't get it. How can someone fuel a grudge and nurse a greivance for so long?
Verne the Vanquished
Posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 11:32:17
In reply to Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 1:34:47
No, you all haven't been a part of this. It is funny to me that the people who have to ask, are very innocent ones indeed.
Besides for me the past is the past. I have come to a place where I know to not care what others think, if they don't matter to me. There are a lot of good people out there, spend your life and energy there, ignore those who seek to hurt others, especially the ones who want to hurt you personally. It isn't about you, those behaviors are about THEM and THEIR issues. It is hard to get offended by anyone if you follow these principals in life. But the peace is so worth it.
There are other online places, places more accepting, higher traffic, and yet very few problems with the posters, and without the harsh Babble rules.
I truly believe the strict rules of Babble, ex: using "I statements or you will get blocked," has only caused a huge divide in people because the rule civility rules are not being applied to EVERYONE, EVERY time. If one would look at the instances of those who have been blocked, you will see most blocks come from secondary problems of those trying to support sides of the blocking issues. Most blocks are not from out right incivility against others. They are from not phrasing things in a certain way, saying F*rt, or from those responding to the underground of careful worded posts that are meant to hurt others and trigger anger. But if you speak right up to the line of civility, it doesn't get you blocked even though the messages are just as hurtful if not more hurtful in many cases because they get away with it. I have learned you can't fight this battle because you will lose every time.
One site is very good with PTSD, and those who are "abuse survivors." There are many who understand those like me, and can be a valuable support because they know where you are coming from. I have learned so much about myself from those who have been kind to me and accepting, like Babble used to be.
Sometimes actions of people who are victims of abuse or have PTSD seem to be mean-hearted, but actually it is far from the truth. Most are responding to threats against their safety, and seem to be acting out, but really only wanted to be loved and accepted. Yes they are sensitive,and the "Babble Underground" who knows this (many are in the mental health field), uses this to their advantage. I guess there is some sadist pleasure in getting others hurt or blocked. It doesn't surprise me anymore that many of these undergrounds start from those in the mental health field, like Dr. Bob. But I have learned there are MANY f*ck*d up people in the field. I guess I have learned from this, on what NOT to do as soon to be mental health professional.
It reminds me of being a child when my brother was poking me in the side and my parents didn't see that, but heard my yelling and thought I was being the trouble maker. So I got beaten (like a block) and it gave my brother even more incentive to poke. A thirst of blood as you spoke of, Verne. It is hard when your disorders make you sensitive to these ambushes.
But the thing is, when you stop caring about people who only want to hurt you, you take their power away. They will find others to prey on, I am sure. But you don't have to be victim to this, you have a choice to leave. It leaves so much peace in your life because you really can't change people no matter how much you stomp your feet,or to try to change babble rules. You can't win this way. But leaving it all behind you, that is where you can have some peace. There are many good people in the world, seek those out, stand beside them, because they will want to stand beside you too. You will feel so much lighter, trust me.
Happyflower
http://psychoflowers.blogspot.com/ Feel free to keep in contact if you are blocked again for telling the truth. :-)
Posted by Phillipa on June 11, 2009, at 12:59:15
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 11:32:17
I guess I'm out of the loop as have never heard a word about you. Seriously. Love Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on June 11, 2009, at 13:47:00
In reply to Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 1:34:47
HF/Babytoes,
I am sorry that you feel the way you do and all that happened. I left eventually too after trying to get Dr. Bob to see what he did was wrong but as you could see in the archives no such luck. He is as dense as always. He might blocked me for saying that but the truth is the truth (as I see if anyway).
Funny thing to me is he suddenly started blocking people for saying things about him when never in all the years I have been here had he done that before. I suspected it was only a few but I certainly can't prove that. And since he is the boss he has final say.
I don't know about the rumors, but I have been away for weeks at a time, health-wise I got issues myself.
So I am hoping you find peace within yourself. Babblemail anytime if you need too, to those that you feel connected with and leave it at that.
You need to do for yourself what is best.
I think you are as welcomed here as I am. But then I could be fooling myself. I wished you could stay but you know what is best for yourself.
I believe you and Alex and Twinleaf and a few others were blocked unjustly as Twinleaf said but Dr. Bob just saw it his way. I am sorry it hurt you. I know it would have hurt me too.
I think you have courage to even return at all. You are strong and you have wonderful girls and that is all you need to focus on, you and your family.
How is that cute puppy. Growing up I imagine.
take care
always and forever I wish you peace
rsk
Posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 16:26:51
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nen » BabyToes, posted by rskontos on June 11, 2009, at 13:47:00
Thanks so much RSK. I hope to keep in touch with you because I consider you my friend. We have much in common, more than I ever knew, especially the things I have found out recently through therapy. I would love to catch up to you again.
I do deserve to be blocked my last time because I verbally attacked Dr. Bob for this stuff he does and did. Even after that long block, I still don't feel sorry for any of it, in fact because I meant every word and STILL do. But I should have vented myself in other ways for what he has done. Wait? I already did that before, and what happened? Nothing...
You can't change people who don't want to be changed. Being a survivor is knowing when to put away your gloves and walk away knowing you did all you could to make things better. Dr. Bob says be the change you wish to see (which isn't HIS overly clique quote to begin with), well I see myself at a better online support site, so you will see me there, at ANOTHER site because I saw NO change here! He says change is slow, well that is what a lot of people must have heard Hitler say too until he was stopped. It is interesting how real world life situations continue to repeat again and again. Maybe that is the "secret" research that is going on here. I see why some what to hang on here, the home they always knew. But eventually others will hopefully see that hanging on to an abusive situations or environment, will always end up hurting you more. I remember that as an abused child, I wanted my mom to change, and I kept thinking she would see the light and do that. But I left home and will never come back because I have my own home now, a much safer place that doesn't have to wait for "slow change" or to "be the change you wish to see" because it isn't dysfunctional as this site. Dr. Bob is in the darkness of himself, you can't change him. I couldn't change my mom.
I do have some fond memories here and value some people here, but it is time to move on to a place that can feel like home, a safe place away from abuse. That is at Psych Central. Some even tried to follow me there to ambush me there too, but it didn't work because the other members wouldn't stand for that. His rules are fair, and fair rules keeps everyone happy. If things get out of control, they remove the hurtful posts, not the people except in extreme cases. Dr. Bob could learn a lot from Psych Central, if he desired to. I have met Dr. Bob in a social situation and he was closed off from others and from himself. I can't expect him to ever change things at this site. This site is just like him. (no surprise, right?) If you want change, you have to go somewhere else.
Posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 16:27:34
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nen, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 16:26:51
Posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 17:10:46
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly » BabyToes, posted by Phillipa on June 11, 2009, at 12:59:15
Well I used to be "in the loop" and you should feel lucky that you are not, I am ashamed that I actually was. While in the loop they talked about you too Phillpa,it's the truth which should know about, t some said you did some horrible things and now they are saying things about me that aren't true too.
Those Babble Parties are nothing but gossip festivals and they do talk about other babblers who are not there, in not so positive ways too, INCLUDING DR> BOB HIMSELF. I think this underground sh*t should be exposed because it isn't all on the boards. So when some see me or others react what seems overly strong it is because most don't know the other stuff that happens offsite. So I fought back, which I regret because it doesn't do anything for me other than put me down to their level.
So talk about being uncivil. Plus they talk about each other when the others is not in the room. It is like high school all over again. But the thing is, I didn't believe any of it because I considered the source. Now the source is spreading lies about me too. Stay out of the loop because it can come back to bite ya in the butt. lol
> I guess I'm out of the loop as have never heard a word about you. Seriously. Love Phillipa
Posted by twinleaf on June 11, 2009, at 17:41:54
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nen, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 16:26:51
I have never met Bob, but if he is indeed "closed off from himself and others", as Happy describes him, and as he has always appeared to be to me, it would explain a lot of what has been happening here- how rules and the power that goes with them take such precedence in his mind over compassion and understanding, how he is unable to take suggestions, no matter how constructive, and how his quite cold and detached interactions with us has gradually robbed this place of its value and meaning. If you compare how posters interacted with one another now to how they did so in, say 2006, you will see how much warmth and goodwill has been lost, and how mean-spirited and even cruel many of the exchanges here now are. Unfortunately, I think Happy is right: fair-minded people who intend to have the happiest and most fulfilled lives that they can, and who wish the same for others no longer belong here. Even worse, some of us who trusted Babble, Bob and the posters here have had horrible, stressful experiences- ones we do not have in our daily lives and shouldn't have anywhere. I am going to be very blunt: Bob is possibly a sadistic individual who damages the people he comes into contact with. I am just one of many who has been hurt by him- not the first and, sadly, probably not the last by far.
I, and very likely others here. expected Bob to be roughly similar to therapists in our real lives whom we have chosen because they are warm, intelligent, well-trained, and able to help us live happier and more fulfilling lives. I think we are discovering, painfully, that Bob does not possess any of these qualities. He is an on-line conundrum- anonymous, unknown, cold, and at times dangerous to our well-being.
Posted by Sigismund on June 11, 2009, at 18:22:13
In reply to why this site can be so hurtful..., posted by twinleaf on June 11, 2009, at 17:41:54
>I am going to be very blunt: Bob is possibly a sadistic individual who damages the people he comes into contact with. I am just one of many who has been hurt by him- not the first and, sadly, probably not the last by far.
I don't really agree. I think it is because he has psychiatric training, which makes people over conscious of attempts to manipulate, with the results we have seen.
But so many good people have gone from here.
Posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 19:08:21
In reply to Re: why this site can be so hurtful..., posted by Sigismund on June 11, 2009, at 18:22:13
naw, I could care less about his "training" There are a lot of bad apples in the mental health field, so training doesn't mean anything to their personality traits. you gotta judge by what you see, each is their own judge... but there are A LOT of people gone...
I am only one of a few who have the guts to talk about the truth of things and why we are not here anymore. But I suspect I will be blocked again for speaking the truth, because abusers rather not be exposed. Whistle blowers are almost blamed for the "problems." Like child abuse and other abuse, keeping the secrets is what continues the patterns. So if you speak out like I am, I expect to be silenced again soon. But I don't care if I am blocked, this site has gone way down hill, it means nothing to me. Dr. BOb means nothing to me. There are people who mean something to me here but they know how I feel and if they want to keep in touch, they know it won't be here on this site.
Posted by Deneb on June 11, 2009, at 19:20:51
In reply to Re: why this site can be so hurtful... » Sigismund, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 19:08:21
It sounds like people are feeling hurt. I hope you feel better.
(((((everyone))))))
Posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 19:40:40
In reply to Hugs to everyone who needs them, posted by Deneb on June 11, 2009, at 19:20:51
You would feel hurt if you knew what has been said about you too. Thanks Deneb, but I just want to explain again, it was NOT ME who posted on your one site one time, using my posting name. I didn't even know about it till you told me maybe a year since it happened. There is a lot of sh*t that has flown, I am not totally innocent, but I didn't ever post on your blog, ever.
Posted by Deputy Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 19:48:21
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly » Phillipa, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 17:10:46
> Those Babble Parties are nothing but gossip festivals and they do talk about other babblers who are not there, in not so positive ways too, INCLUDING DR> BOB HIMSELF.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
You've recently been blocked, so I'm going to block you at this point.
Dr. Bob will be here as soon as he can, and I am leaving it to him to set block length, or reverse the block if he sees fit.
In the meantime, I ask that followups regarding these issues as well as replies to the above posts be civil themselves.
Dinah, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:00:24
In reply to Hugs to everyone who needs them, posted by Deneb on June 11, 2009, at 19:20:51
This is from me, Dinah as poster.
I rather suspect that when Mother Theresa left the room, the other nuns may well have started gossiping about her. People talk about people, we're a communal species, and sometimes I'm sure the talk is less than positive. I doubt there's a person on earth who is spoken of in universally glowing terms when they leave the room. *Certainly* not me. I count myself lucky if people wait till I leave the room. :)
(That is not in any way shape or form meant as a comment on babblers. Just a general one from my experiences any number of places.)
I hope no one is feeling hurt.
Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:01:47
In reply to Re: why this site can be so hurtful..., posted by Sigismund on June 11, 2009, at 18:22:13
Not all the good people who leave here leave because of Bob, or even the deputies. There are lots of ways to feel hurt, and lots of reasons to want to leave.
Posted by Deneb on June 11, 2009, at 20:03:09
In reply to Re: Hugs to everyone who needs them » Deneb, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 19:40:40
I think there will be gossip anywhere. I don't really gossip or hold grudges. I am pretty accepting of everyone, faults and all.
Sorry you have been hurt HF. I have no idea what is the truth in terms of rumours, but regardless of who it was that did hurtful things, I forgive them.
Sorry you are blocked again. I visit PsychCentral everyday.
Posted by Deneb on June 11, 2009, at 20:12:40
In reply to Phillipa, Deneb, and everyone, posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:00:24
I agree Dinah. Everyone has been spoken of in not so glowing terms I think. I think I have enough self esteem to not let it bother me that much.
People aren't perfect, I am OK with that.
Posted by garnet71 on June 11, 2009, at 20:19:21
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 11:32:17
One site is very good with PTSD, and those who are "abuse survivors."
Hey BabyT-can you give me the name of the specific site you recommended for PTSD/abusive survivors? I think I need to find a more appropriate place as well. Thank you.
Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:21:22
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly » BabyToes, posted by garnet71 on June 11, 2009, at 20:19:21
She won't be able to respond to you, but she has said she posts at Psych Central. Perhaps that's the site, or perhaps you can reach her there.
Posted by Phillipa on June 11, 2009, at 20:36:51
In reply to Phillipa, Deneb, and everyone, posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:00:24
Dinah no not me I've know for a long time I've been talked about. But I know the rumors weren't true so didn't and doesn't bother me. Hence I keep my posting name and try to post civily. I did also work in psych and hospitals and boy the rumors!!!!! Love Phillipa who will keep her posting name.
Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:42:17
In reply to Re: Phillipa, Deneb, and everyone » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on June 11, 2009, at 20:36:51
Then you're luckier than I am.
I know that some of what people could say about me is not true, but I also am sure some of it is! :)
Not that I know any specifics, and I'd just as soon not be enlightened. It's easier to maintain positive relationships that way. I just figure I have enough flaws that people could justifiably say negative things about me without bending the truth.
Posted by Phillipa on June 11, 2009, at 21:24:47
In reply to Re: Phillipa, Deneb, and everyone » Phillipa, posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:42:17
Dinah well I know they say I post too much or not enough and that I don't take the meds others suggest. But I think the hardiest of us stick around. And I've met some lovely people that no longer post but we regularly e-mail. Kind of like weeding. Love Phillipa
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