![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 41 to 65 of 77. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 1, 2006, at 15:49:15
In reply to Re: Ohhh puhlease » zazenduckie, posted by karen_kay on December 1, 2006, at 9:42:57
> you are wrong ... and insensitive.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
But please don't take this personally, either, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please first see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 1, 2006, at 15:49:21
In reply to Re: Please be civil. I TRYING.... » Dinah, posted by muffled on December 1, 2006, at 11:29:09
> > > It just seems to me that you are comming across as rather sarcastic and confrontative.
>
> So I not sure how I could have phrased that better????
> In the spirit of the intensity of this thread, I tried really hard, and really thot bout how to phrase this.Thanks for trying to help, I know it can be frustrating. One alternative way of phrasing that would've been to talk about how you felt instead what she did, for example, to use an I-statement like:
> > > I feel hurt and confronted when I read your posts.
> Thats why I put the 'It just seems to ME'.
> I thot I was owning the statement or whatever. That this was how I felt about the situation.You did own it, which I appreciate, but IMO, it's just not civil to express some feelings.
> And taken in the context of the entire post, its clear that I mean no harm, but was trying to warn Zaz, JUST AS BOB SAID on another thread here on Admin. I was trying to do the right thing......
Thanks for trying to do the right thing. It's hard to know how to help sometimes...
> I think BOTH you and I have been manipulated.....
OK, keeping the above in mind, could you please rephrase that?
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by muffled on December 1, 2006, at 15:58:52
In reply to Re: please rephrase that » muffled, posted by Dr. Bob on December 1, 2006, at 15:49:21
> I think BOTH you and I have been manipulated.....
Ok.Hmmmm.
I will try.
1. I feel like I am being manipulated when I read your posts.
2. Dinah, I feel we are being manipulated when I read this thread.
3. Some of the stuff said on this thread to me causes me to feel I and others are being manipulated.
4. Some of the posts come across in such a way as cause me to think I am trying to be manipulated.Are any of those OK? Is there one thats better than others? If so, why?
Thanks,
Muffled
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 1, 2006, at 16:18:45
In reply to Re: please rephrase that » Dr. Bob, posted by muffled on December 1, 2006, at 15:58:52
> > I think BOTH you and I have been manipulated.....
>
> Ok.Hmmmm.
> I will try.
> 1. I feel like I am being manipulated when I read your posts.
> 2. Dinah, I feel we are being manipulated when I read this thread.
> 3. Some of the stuff said on this thread to me causes me to feel I and others are being manipulated.
> 4. Some of the posts come across in such a way as cause me to think I am trying to be manipulated.
>
> Are any of those OK? Is there one thats better than others? If so, why?Thanks for working on this. How about just "I feel manipulated" instead of "I feel like I am being manipulated"? I think that might be a better I-statement because it focuses more on you.
Bob
Posted by clearskies on December 1, 2006, at 16:44:04
In reply to Re: Consistency in blocks - Zazenduckie » Dinah, posted by zazenduckie on November 30, 2006, at 19:01:24
>
> I'm sure you do. I've always found you to be quite satsified with yourself. Thanks for answering.
>
>
>Wow, if someone said this to me I would be really upset!
I'm putting on my babble-shield. It looks just like the Dome of Silence from Get Smart.
For those of you who are too young to remember that wonderful tv show, I promise it's a funny and innocuous visual.
CS
Posted by zazenduckie on December 1, 2006, at 16:56:41
In reply to Re: Consistency in blocks - Zazenduckie, posted by clearskies on December 1, 2006, at 16:44:04
> >
I feel moderately upset upon reading these words you chose to post.>
> Wow, if someone said this to me I would be really upset!"Some might feel offended upon reading that about themselves. I don't"--Dinah
I DIDN'T say it to you. I said it to Dinah. I didn't think she would be upset and she said she wasn't.
>
> I'm putting on my babble-shield. It looks just like the Dome of Silence from Get Smart.
> For those of you who are too young to remember that wonderful tv show, I promise it's a funny and innocuous visual.
I certainly wish I'd mine on :)
Posted by Jost on December 1, 2006, at 17:16:37
In reply to I feel moderately upset » clearskies, posted by zazenduckie on December 1, 2006, at 16:56:41
I thought it was the Cone of Silence. At least someone told me it was.
Gosh, I hope it was a Cone. I"ve been in the Cone of Silence with that person. Of course, the Cone mostly meant you could say things inside the Cone and no one was supposed to repeat them to anyone outside the Cone.
Course there were many simultaneous Cones going on.
So maybe it was a different thing altogether.
Jost
Posted by madeline on December 1, 2006, at 18:25:02
In reply to I feel moderately upset » clearskies, posted by zazenduckie on December 1, 2006, at 16:56:41
Can you express it without getting blocked?
Posted by (((((zazenduckie)))) on December 1, 2006, at 18:28:20
In reply to What do you want zazenduckie? » zazenduckie, posted by madeline on December 1, 2006, at 18:25:02
Posted by ((((zazenduckie)))) on December 1, 2006, at 18:49:41
In reply to World Peace ;) You? (nm) » madeline, posted by (((((zazenduckie)))) on December 1, 2006, at 18:28:20
I would like to know
1 if it is okay for anyone to say he feels manipulated at any time or if Dr Bob is saying that only for that poster in that situation.
2 if it is okay to say I feel attacked?
3 if it is okay to say I feel emotionally blackmailed?
4 if it is okay to say I feel scapegoated?
I thought I feel words should not imply someone else has done something. Doesn't I feel manipulated imply something negative about another? That someone else is a manipulator? ( I would feel extremely upset if someone said that to me!)
But if that is okay are all the other examples I gave also okay?
This is an administrative question and I would just like to know how the rules would apply in those instances.
Thank you.
Posted by Dinah on December 1, 2006, at 19:00:59
In reply to I feel moderately upset » clearskies, posted by zazenduckie on December 1, 2006, at 16:56:41
Well, I said I wasn't offended.
I also said I was crying.
I'm not sure you can get not upset from that.
But I give up.
Posted by Dinah on December 1, 2006, at 19:01:51
In reply to Re: I feel moderately upset » zazenduckie, posted by Dinah on December 1, 2006, at 19:00:59
Sorry. I meant to say that I don't think I would say that I was not upset when I was in fact crying.
Posted by Dinah on December 1, 2006, at 19:02:54
In reply to Re: I feel moderately upset, posted by Dinah on December 1, 2006, at 19:01:51
That was just a syntax correction to correct something that upon re-reading might be misinterpreted to mean something other than what I intended.
Posted by madeline on December 1, 2006, at 19:02:57
In reply to World Peace ;) You? (nm) » madeline, posted by (((((zazenduckie)))) on December 1, 2006, at 18:28:20
People to be honest.
Posted by (((((zazenduckie)))) on December 1, 2006, at 19:40:54
In reply to Re: World Peace ;) You?, posted by madeline on December 1, 2006, at 19:02:57
Posted by muffled on December 1, 2006, at 20:01:30
In reply to Re: please rephrase that » muffled, posted by Dr. Bob on December 1, 2006, at 15:49:21
Whats a troll?
I have heard that term used before but I have never acyually known what it meant?
Thanks,
Muffled
Posted by (((zazenduckie))) on December 1, 2006, at 20:11:17
In reply to Question, posted by muffled on December 1, 2006, at 20:01:30
I think Deneb posted some very moving posts about her painful experience being called that name on another board. Dr Bob subsequently declared it an uncivil word. You might try a search in the archives.
I think was originally used as a reference to trolling in fishing as in posting something in search of replies. But that's what we all do really isn't it?
I think it is a shame the word has come to have negative connotations on the internet I always think of those little troll dolls with the wild hair @@@@@:o)
I feel very upset after realizing the proximity of your question about trolls to my posts. But my feelings are my problem to deal with and I have my babble shields up so I guess I'll be okay.
Posted by muffled on December 1, 2006, at 20:24:02
In reply to Re: Question » muffled, posted by (((zazenduckie))) on December 1, 2006, at 20:11:17
> I think Deneb posted some very moving posts about her painful experience being called that name on another board. Dr Bob subsequently declared it an uncivil word. You might try a search in the archives.
**Yeah, i remember now. I KNEW i'd heard it somewhere.
>
> I think was originally used as a reference to trolling in fishing as in posting something in search of replies. But that's what we all do really isn't it?***It IS what we do. So I STILL don't understand why people get upset by it?
>
> I think it is a shame the word has come to have negative connotations on the internet I always think of those little troll dolls with the wild hair @@@@@:o)**Trolls are back! I saw them at wallmart.
>
> I feel very upset after realizing the proximity of your question about trolls to my posts. But my feelings are my problem to deal with and I have my babble shields up so I guess I'll be okay.**Yeah, sorry, I been having a rough day, and I was reading thru this thread , and owndering WHY I was feeling \agitated, and that word popped in my head cuz I KNEW I'd heard it. Sorry, I should've posted it separately.
Sorry, no offense intended.
Feelings.
I hate feelings.
I hate feeling.
I hate me.
Muffled
Posted by (((zazenduckie))) on December 1, 2006, at 20:27:09
In reply to Re: Question » (((zazenduckie))), posted by muffled on December 1, 2006, at 20:24:02
Posted by henrietta on December 1, 2006, at 20:33:44
In reply to I think most people are honest , you don't? (nm) » madeline, posted by (((((zazenduckie)))) on December 1, 2006, at 19:40:54
I offer support. I think you're an amazing voice. I value your voice. You speak for many who for whatever reason can't. You are not alone.
Thank you. I honor and admire your courage. (not to mention your wit!!!)
henzen
Posted by henrietta on December 1, 2006, at 20:42:10
In reply to ZZD: Can't offer education, but, posted by henrietta on December 1, 2006, at 20:33:44
Posted by gardenergirl on December 1, 2006, at 22:19:09
In reply to I feel moderately upset » clearskies, posted by zazenduckie on December 1, 2006, at 16:56:41
> > Wow, if someone said this to me I would be really upset!
>>
> I DIDN'T say it to you.Hence her use of the word *if*. Clearskies is quite an empathetic gal.
gg
Posted by SLS on December 2, 2006, at 7:04:32
In reply to Re: I feel moderately upset » zazenduckie, posted by Dinah on December 1, 2006, at 19:00:59
> Well, I said I wasn't offended.
>
> I also said I was crying.
>
> I'm not sure you can get not upset from that.
>
> But I give up.
I am disappointed to hear that you should need to give up. I am not disappointed in you. I am just disappointed that you should feel frustrated and perhaps hurt by your interaction here.Is there another way that you could approach this situation that would not leave you exasperated? I just worry that it may not be good for your mental health to act in a quasi-deputy role. Perhaps you can choose to discontinue your interaction at a point sooner in time that is healthier for you.
You don't have to fix everything, Dinah.
I apologize if I have overstepped a boundary or two. It's hard not to care about a person like you. Of course, I could be very off-target with my comments.
- Scott
Posted by Dinah on December 2, 2006, at 8:50:43
In reply to Re: I feel moderately upset » Dinah, posted by SLS on December 2, 2006, at 7:04:32
Thanks Scott. It's not really my deputorial role that was frustrating me.
I don't need everyone to like me. I'm quite reconciled to the fact that any number of people in all areas of my life don't care for me much at all.
But sometimes I get stuck in trying to convince someone I'm not really so bad. To stay open and accepting and vulnerable. And with my therapist's help I've decided to do my darndest to give up. :) It just takes a while for feelings to catch up with resolve.
Posted by zazenduckie on December 2, 2006, at 11:13:13
In reply to ZZD: Can't offer education, but, posted by henrietta on December 1, 2006, at 20:33:44
I do get so much support from you. Although I'm always a little embarassed for you to see I'm still hanging around here!
I always think of you as the wise woman of babble and I admire you too and like you and hope you are ok and staying warm with all the winter storms blowing.
(((( henzen))))
I'm on your side too even when I'm not around.
Thanks again
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Administration | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.